William F. Buckley Jr. passed away this week. I was lucky to know him and he taught me some important life lessons. When I was an undergrad at Yale, I ran for City Council of New Haven. I lost, but after the election, Buckley sent me a note and invited me to his home. We shared wine, talked politics and he even played the harpsichord. We discussed starting a foundation to support some of Yale's student groups. At least, I thought we did. Brimming with pride, I went back to school and started pitching hard to alumni who would be interested in the foundation Buckley and I were starting. When one donor mentioned the foundation to Buckley, he said, "What foundation?" He didn't remember our conversation the way I did. The whole setup fell apart. By not confirming with absolute clarity the ideas that Buckley and I had discussed, I had harmed my reputation among powerful people and the Yale community.

Here's what I learned about how to recover from a serious personal or professional mistake:

-Get some perspective: You are not on the world's radar screen like Bill Clinton or Martha Stewart. You are not the topic of conversation on CNN or at cocktail parties.

-Assess and forgive yourself: Are you really a jackass? What I mean is, are you fundamentally evil? Do you harm people consistently and laugh about it? If the answer is no, then you need to forgive yourself. You have to forgive yourself before others can forgive you.

-Come clean: Let people know what really happened so they can trust you again. You have to face people who'll be angry at you. The most disarming and successful thing you can do with these people is agree. Say, "You know what? You're right. I was a total jackass. We all do stupid things; this was maybe more stupid than most."

-Get back on the polo horse: Prove to yourself and everyone else that you are a good person. Commit to making a positive difference in the world.

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