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No One Is a Lost Cause

Written by: Keith Ferrazzi

Article Overview: As you try to build stronger, more intimate relationships in your professional and personal life, you may come across some people who have a hard time trusting others. You may start to think they're "lost causes" - guarded, shut down, and not worthy of your efforts.

No One Is a Lost Cause

As you try to build stronger, more intimate relationships in your professional and personal life, you may come across some people who have a hard time trusting others. You may start to think they're "lost causes" - guarded, shut down, and not worthy of your efforts.

Think twice about that. Most people aren't naturally distrustful - we're hardwired to be interdependent. Usually, if someone's wary or defensive, it's because of some past negative influence or experience. If you're willing to slow down and suspend your ego, your patient attempts to befriend them could be the difference in their learning to trust again. And if you can truly help them, you will never find a more loyal friend.

So how can you start to build them back up? In order for someone to trust, they need hope. Try to help them learn that things can be different than what they've experienced in the past. Shift their mindset, one positive thought at a time.

To help speed that shift, try to get them out of their standard routine. Sometimes a change of scenery also affords a fresh mental perspective - the world suddenly looks full of possibility from an attractive new vantage point. That's why so many companies have retreats and conferences away from the office. A walk in the park, a nice lunch spot, or a carefree coffee shop might help your potential friend drop his or her walls.

At the same time, be as generous as possible - and just as important, as consistent as possible. Build up a track record of doing what you say you're going to do, kind acts that make them feel supported and cared for. Accountability is key in all relationships, but when you're trying to renew faith in someone whose trust has been damaged, it's doubly important.

No matter how troubled someone's history is, one caring, committed person can make a difference. And who knows: That person who you almost passed up could ultimately be the difference in your success and happiness.

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Article Tags: accountability, change of scenery, coffee shop, conferences, ego, hard time, intimate relationships, kind acts, loyal friend, lunch spot, mindset, negative influence, personal life, perspective, positive thought, retreats, success and happiness, trusting others, vantage point, walk in the park



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