Tweet

People You Don't Like

Written by: Keith Ferrazzi

Article Overview: I’ve been asked many times, “How do I build a relationship with a person I just don’t like?” And typically, we’re talking about the workplace – a customer or boss or associate. My answer is usually, “Not everyone is going to be your best friend, but if you’re forced to deal with a person, why not make the relationship more personal and real? Wouldn’t you want a better relationship for the sake of success, mutuality, and most importantly, less angst and more joy?”

People You Don't Like

I’ve been asked many times, “How do I build a relationship with a person I just don’t like?” And typically, we’re talking about the workplace – a customer or boss or associate. My answer is usually, “Not everyone is going to be your best friend, but if you’re forced to deal with a person, why not make the relationship more personal and real? Wouldn’t you want a better relationship for the sake of success, mutuality, and most importantly, less angst and more joy?”

I found myself in a position to have to take my own advice recently when I was playing polo. A new individual was introduced to the group and I was pretty quickly put-off. This individual seemed to me to be untruthful and inauthentic. And when I come across someone like that, I have to assume that this is an insecure person who’s threatened by others and is pushing people away so he won’t be hurt.

So how do I deal with that? A friend once told me that he actually responds by doing the opposite of what his instant reaction is. So if his reaction is to push back and be defensive, he would try to be positive and very affirming. When you’re confronted with difficult individuals, your job is to create a safe space for them as best you can because they’re just looking for safety and comfort in their lives.

But that’s not what I did – I was tweaked and annoyed. We all need our own accountability group; the people around us have to hold us accountable for a level of behavior that we choose and want to have in this world. I was lucky enough to have a member of my accountability group present who called me on my behavior. I needed to look at why I was tweaked by this person on a visceral level. Chances are, when this happens, it’s because you own some of that behavior yourself. I suspect I was reminded of behaviors in myself that I’m not particularly proud of.

So my own personal work is to focus more on contribution and generosity and not allow myself to be tweaked. Let’s see how I do in making this new individual feel safer and more welcome into a relationship with me.

Related Articles
  What is the best way to develop my sales skills?
  Profitable Online Business Ideas and the Recession Part 2
  Contribution
  How can you make more of your customers open your emails?
  Know your magic numbers

Article Tags: accountability group, best friend, boss, generosity, group present, insecure person, instant reaction, job, mutuality, personal work, polo, relationship, safe space, sake, visceral level



Related Forum Posts
Re: How to Promote Your Blog – The Definitive Guide to Promoting - Great Post! Dont forget to put your blog in Anchor Text For SEO purposes for the keywords you want when getting backlinks (for example with article marketing)...Very important. You can conquer quite a few small Niches and get your site on the number 1 spot in Google!
Re: Due Diligence, Market Research.. Ahead of the curve. - Congrats! A few months ago I wrote extensively on market research. Check in the Inventors corner for the posts. Let me know if I can help further! Dont spend a dime on a protype or advertising until you do some research! Jude
Re: Who hates cold calling? - I saw this and had to chime in. I HATE COLD CALLS. lol its terrible and a wast of my time. Something i have done is gotten online and found all the networking event happening in my area for the next 2 months and i try and go to about 3 a week. Even just for an hour. Dont bring any business cards. Just meet new people ask them alot about what they do, not too much about what i do and follow up the next day or 2. Has worked well
Re: Businesswomen in the news - [quote="TheRainmaker":2susnvqs] Dont forget that the media is out for the media and scare tactics and bad news gets the coverage.... J[/quote:2susnvqs] This is true....
Re: How to Promote Your Blog – The Definitive Guide to Promoting - [quote="T.J.":3s4z9eh8]Great Post! Dont forget to put your blog in Anchor Text For SEO purposes for the keywords you want when getting backlinks (for example with article marketing)...Very important. You can conquer quite a few small Niches and get your site on the number 1 spot in Google![/quote:3s4z9eh8] Using the anchor text for your chosen keywords is important for every link you create, internally and externally. Alan


Share this article with your friends. Fund someone's dream.

Leave a comment below or share on the left and you'll help support entrepreneurs in Africa through our partnership with Kiva. Over $50,000 raised and counting - Please keep sharing! Learn more.

Tweet

Newsletter

Get advice & tips from famous business
owners, new articles by entrepreneur
experts, my latest website updates, &
special sneak peaks at what's to come!

Name:
Email:

Popular Articles

Purchasing Real Estate using the SBA 504 Loan

Work at home Opportunities for the Disabled

Suggestions

Email us your ideas on how to make our
website more valuable! Thank you Sharon
from Toronto Salsa Lessons / Classes for
your suggestions to make the newsletter
look like the website and profile younger
entrepreneurs like Jennifer Lopez.