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Save Yourself from a Missed Opportunity
Written by: Keith FerrazziArticle Overview: Presence. Persona. Personality. 'Tude. Whatever you call it, we all have our own unique way of interacting with the people around us. Being aware of how your "way" differs from others can help save you from a bad first impression sinking what might have become a powerful relationship for you both.
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Save Yourself from a Missed Opportunity
Presence. Persona. Personality. 'Tude. Whatever you call it, we all have our own unique way of interacting with the people around us. Being aware of how your "way" differs from others can help save you from a bad first impression sinking what might have become a powerful relationship for you both.
Ever heard of the Johari window? It's a tool used to evaluate awareness; the wider your window, the more of yourself you're freely sharing with your peers (and the more feedback you're getting from them, too). Some people, like me, have very large personalities - and wide-open Johari windows. They come bouncing into a room. They're in people's faces.
In other words, we put it all out there. So let's say I meet somebody who doesn't have such an open communications window - someone who shares very little of himself. That person once might not have done so well with me because I would have assumed there wasn't much there, that he was boring, or not all that clever .
Meanwhile, I'd have the same problem: Thanks to my gaping window, Mr. Stuffy might think I'm Mr. Obnoxious - an overbearing jerk! While we might both share similar hopes and dreams, likes or dislikes, or have similar pasts - in other words, have the capacity to be true friends - we might not ever get past our initial differences.
Fortunately there's a solution. It's called mirroring, adapting our social style to the people we meet. For example, when you meet someone new who you sense is more reserved, take your presence down a notch.
"But I don't want to be a phony!" you say. Wrong! You're not being a phony, you're being respectful of what makes a particular someone comfortable when dealing with a new person. Once you get to know each other, you'll fall back to your old communication style - which no longer sends them running because they've gotten to know you and like you on a deeper level. (Or not; that happens too!)
For some people, mirroring comes naturally. Others have to patiently work on it. It's worth it - every person we meet is someone we can learn from, if we give ourselves the time.
Warmest,
Keith
Article Tags: communication style, dislikes, first impression, hopes and dreams, initial differences, jerk, johari window, johari windows, notch, open communications, pasts, peers, personalities, personality, presence, problem thanks, relationship, social style, true friends
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About the Author: Keith Ferrazzi RSS for Keith's articles - Visit Keith's website Widely hailed as one of the world’s most “connected” people, Keith Ferrazzi is the author of Never Eat Alone, the international bestselling book about building relationships for success. Ferrazzi is also an acclaimed speaker and CEO of Ferrazzi Greenlight, a consulting and professional development firm that helps organizations drive growth through relationships. Earlier in his career, he was chief marketing officer at Deloitte Consulting and the youngest to be tapped for partner in the firm's history. Then, upon joining Starwood Hotels and Resorts, Ferrazzi was the youngest CMO in the Fortune 500. He also served as CEO of YaYa Media before founding Ferrazzi Greenlight. Click here to visit Keith's website Making Customers More Than Your Top Priority Referrals Now Theyre Asking and Youre Making Me and 85 Broads A lesson from fanmail Just like a small business should |
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