Recently I hosted a dinner with a great group of friends and people I wanted to meet. One of my guests was a particularly good friend, a guy I care about and respect deeply. Until recently, this guy was a high profile CEO. But due to politics, he was let go - despite the fact that everyone knows he's a total superstar, both in his performance at that company and in every position prior.

While introducing my friend at this dinner, I put my foot in my mouth. Deep. I made what I thought was a well-intentioned joke about his recent misfortune, and - though I was oblivious at the time - it came across as rude and disrespectful.

Maybe it was the red wine. Maybe it was that I think so highly of my friend that I didn't realize a witty barb could ever come across as legitimately insulting. The fact is, it doesn't really matter: I said something that hurt someone undeserving, someone who I care about a great deal.

Chances are, something like this has happened to you - and if it hasn't, some day it will. So once the damage is done, what do you do? How do you fix things?

The only course of action when we hurt others unintentionally is one of vulnerability, transparency and accountability.

First, don't depend on hearsay: Talk it out with the person in question, if they didn't already approach you directly. In my case, my friend himself didn't call me on my misstep; someone else mentioned it. So I called my friend. And sure enough, he concurred: Yep, I had been a schmuck. I started to understand that whatever my intentions, what I said really wasn't funny.

Next up: Apologize. Don't make excuses. Own up to what happened and move on. If your friend forgives you - and I was lucky, mine did - then trust that. Don't belabor it, don't revisit it. Instead, move forward in the spirit of friendship and good faith - OK, maybe with a little extra sensitivity so you don't have to make room in your mouth for two feet next time.

Of course, if you're me, there's one final step: Write a blog on the entire episode with your heart on your sleeve, hoping that perhaps your mistake at least gives others the chance to learn. You can be sure, I'm going to make sure those at the dinner get this particular tip of the week!



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