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Buying A Business - Spousal/Partner Buy-In Is a Must!
| Guest post by: John R. Wilson, Sr. |
Article Overview: So many of our clients are displaced executives. They've worked all their lives at a job within a career. It provided security for their families and, hopefully, a sense of accomplishment for themselves. But now it's changed. There are no jobs. You are deeply considering your own business. Don't assume you can just start a search. Here are some thoughts on why and how your spouse or significant others' buy-in to your dream isn't just significant but it is drop dead critical!
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Buying A Business - Spousal/Partner Buy-In Is a Must!
If you are married and are planning on starting a business, your spouse can be your biggest ally or your greatest enemy. My practice is littered with folks whose greatest personal desire is business ownership. However, they have a problem. They tell me, “I would be in a business in a heart beat BUT my wife won’t let me”. I don’t mean to single out women, and this can definitely work the other way around as well. I will say this; the story goes 80/20 with wives being the ones who put the brakes on most easily.
Remember, when you are married, it is not only about YOU anymore; it is about the two of you.
Getting your spouse on the same side of the fence as you is a critical strategic move on your part. In fact, I don’t recommend you move forward unless and until you have your spouse’s buy in for business ownership. If you don’t have your spouse’s approval, you will either end up with little or no relationship, divorced, and, on the business side, you will have very little chance to succeed from the get-go.
Although I am discussing this topic in the context of a spouse, it really applies to your broader family. Ask yourself who is most important to you in your life? Who is affected most by your work and career? Who will be affected when you spend more timeon the jobthan you do now?
This can go deeper.
Who affects you the most in terms of the large decisions you make? Who is it that will speak most profoundly, pointedly or with the most impact into your life about career and business? Is it a mentor? Is it an uncle, grandparent or business savvy cousin? Are they inside or outside of your nuclear family? I am talking about someone whose approval and “thumbs up” might be needed for you toeffectivelymove forward. Whoever comes to mind, get their buy in; all of them!
I’m going to give you some reasoning relating to why your spouse’s decision is so important? However, and besides the obvious personal and societal reasons, I must also tell you that it is important to every franchise companies as well. Few franchises succeed, at any level out of the many kinds there are (over 3500 in North America), without the approval and support of the spouse or life partner.
Here are a few more obvious reasons why you need their buy-in:
- Time Factor– Your desire to have a business might relate to your long-term goals. Business ownership will allow you, as your future unfolds, to enjoy the kind of life you have envisioned. However, at the outset, a small business can be as time consuming as any career. If this is a new endeavor and you are changing career paths, opting out of the workforce and into a form of entrepreneurship, you can be sure that for the first 15-24 months leisure time will be scarce.
- Money Factor– However much or little, starting a business involves investment of capital. When you are married, financial decisions are typically made collectively. I know this is not always the case but in the case of a franchise investment the money is significant. You should not buy a house without your spouse’s consent. Or, ladies, you should not get pregnant with the intent of having a baby without your husband’s knowledge. Similarly, it is not advisable to start a business without your spouse’s approval either. Your spouse must be involved in this decision like any other significant family matter. Again, if you do not have their approval to spend these funds, I would advise against starting your business.
- Attentiveness Factor– Even when you are spending time with your family, you just can’t help it at times when business related matters cross your mind. It can be a phone call, an email to send out, something to write down on your to do list, or anything really. When this happens, even if it is only in your mind, the distraction becomes apparent and your family will notice. OWNING A BUSINESS CHANGES THINGS. It can seem as though even when you are with them physically, you are mentally somewhere else. Why do I emphasize this? Because the change needs to be understood and it needs to be given a timeline. You need to discuss this upfront with them.
- Social Factor– Because your new endeavor can consume much of your life, you will be working or thinking of working and you will do this nights and weekends (at least during the start up stages). This means no hanging out with the Murphy’s or attending the neighbor’s kid’s birthday party. It may also mean skipping the regular time you attend church? I am not suggesting you do all these – but you will need to find time for your business somehow. After all, there are only 24 hours in a day, and you still need to factor in time to eat, sleep and breathe – or not. J
How to get the buy in?
So now that you know why it is so important to get your family’s buy in before you make them leap into small business, how do you actually go about getting it?
When you come home one day and you say, “Honey I am considering buying a business” and your spouse says “Wow – great!”, then consider yourself the lucky one. But even so, it is important that you sit down with your spouse and have an in depth conversation about what it is that you are thinking about, what kind of commitment is involved (both time-wise and financially) and the rest of the life-changing implications that follow. If you don’t do this, you will run intoat leastone of the problematic areas discussed above.
For the not so lucky ones, which is actually most of us, the persuasion process takes a bit of time and work, but if approached withthoroughness to detail, persistence and honesty, approval should be possible.
Convey to your spouse immediately the reason why you are contemplating this career change. Honestly, if you have gone through a Life Purpose Coaching program this might be much easier since you have the approval of a professional in your corner.
Regardless, it’s important to tell them you are doing it for a brighter future for the family. Give them the genuine reasons why you are longing to take this calculated step and how it will provide opportunity forusto get ahead. Convey your love for your family and your desire to establish a business that allows you all to spend more time together. Be specific in how that time would be enriched.
As a side thought (but certainly not an unimportant one), your spouse can be a huge asset to your enterprise; so don’t keep anything away from them. When they start to realize the potential of the business, trust me they will find ways to get involved and assist. (As you would expect, I recommend they be given a personal profile and assessment.) Be as honest and transparent as you can be in discussion. Make sure it is a discussion and not a monologue. Hear their concerns. Repeat them back. Clarify them so you can be assured you are on the same page and understanding their worries. Write them down. Just understand that it will take time before they fully understand and realize the amount of time and effort you’ve put into the analysis of business ownership.
By the way, if you are like me there may be so many things you want to convey to them but just cannot articulate because your mind is thinking way faster than you can explain.
Just like it took you time to build yourself up to this point, it will take them just as much, if not longer, to fully grasp your enthusiasm for business ownership. Think about it, you didn’t wake up one morning and decided to start a business did you? (If you did, give me a call immediately! Something is askew in you! J) It’s a process that unfolds over time. You can expedite approval by sharing the process you used to come to this decision as well as your plans to progress.
On a personal note, Cindy and I have worked together in businesses we’ve started and owned for nearly 32 of our 39 years of marriage. We have always made it a point to sit down and determine our goals. Beyond that we pray about it...always! As Life Coaches we consider our resources in advance; we “count the cost.” Thus, we discuss the time, experience, skills and resources it will take on our end, as well as the anticipated rewards to be gained before we jump in headlong.
One-way of thinking of a communication process of this nature is this: I walk my spouse through their entire blueprint of the plan and the projected yield from the enterprise. When you lay out the plan in simple terms and explain to your spouse the benefits your family can enjoy with the proper effort you are more likely to get the buy-in much more easily and more quickly.
Something else will happen that is just as valuable; you will learn what you had not considered. Your partners’ perspective will yield more information from a different perspective and perhaps additional resources.
Numbers May Lie But They Help!
We have all heard it said, “Seeing is believing,” so show your partner some proof of success if you have been successful in a similar initiative in the past. Alternatively, show them success stories and case studies from others who have taken a similar path. If you can get this to happen in face-to-face meetings it might be even more useful. People love to talk about their success stories both online (Webinar, Skype, GoToMeeting, etc.) and off. There stories are told with a lot of pride, enthusiasm and hope – and I can assure you this will contribute in a positive way to your spouses psyche and ultimately their decision to support you. Further, once your business gets rolling and revenues start to trickle in, always show your spouse the results of your hard work. This will keep adding fuel to the fire and keep them positive throughout the development stages.
Some specific actions that have helped me (Mildly tongue in cheek)
Sometimes a spouse can play tough (even when they already know they can allow you to move forward). Maybe they do this to see if they can get you to bribe them!
Well, here are some tried and tested (with success) methods that have been implemented by me or other folks I known personally.
Promise your spouse a back or a foot rub every other weekend – trust me on this. If they don’t enjoy either, promise some other kind of a rub. People like being pampered. At the same time don’t over commit and promise it weekly. After all, you are giving ‘sum’ to ‘get sum’ (time for your business that is).
You Haven’t Chosen A Business Yet? Get Your Spouse Into The Process With You!
The greatest error a partner can make is to begin the search for a business without the knowledge of their significant other. All the stuff I discussed above had assumed something; they were in the know that you were looking.
If not, then you are in luck. If you hadn’t started yet, great! There are dozens of personal reasons to begin a business and there is even more support from our economy. However, you need to share these with your spouse. The best time to let them know you are considering buying or starting a business is before you begin.
If you are between jobs perhaps you have taken personal and career profiles to determine skill sets, passions, interests, talents and capabilities. These often provide you with clues as to the direction you should consider. More often than not, today, they provide you insight into non-conventional methods to provide a financial future for yourself and family.
As Life Coaches Cindy and I work weekly with people who are looking to best understand how to proceed into the adventure of their future. We help to liberate them from the strictures of the past and help them realize how bright their future is. Often, and we must be honest, it does not involve business ownership. Not everyone is prepared for it straightaway. Some should never be in business by themselves; even in a franchise business. But it is best to know this and frankly more Americans are prepared than give themselves credit. We can help you discover that. If we do, we will insist on including your spouse in the process. You two are one when it relates to these matters.
Outside forces your spouse isn’t considering
In our current economy many executives are out of work. I write this in July of 2011 and currently the United States has lost 1,900,000 jobs...forever!
Most economists tell us that we will not make those specific jobs up at their current value for nearly ten years. Currently 13.9 million adult Americans (9.1%) are unemployed altogether. Given what any American knows about our economists and their ability to predict progress, what they are really saying is those jobs and their value is likely gone as well!
Sigmund Freud said, “Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead.” Many Americans and most political leaders at both federal and state levels want to believe in our “official unemployment rate.” The official rate gives no pleasure, but it is less painful than theactual rate. Many spouses and life partners are still under the illusion that you need to find a job. Maybe you have one now but they reason another one will make you happier. If you don’t have one, they may be reasoning that it is what you know and therefore it is what you should continue to do. They also further reasonwronglythat there is more security in the workforce.
Here are a few other statistics I just pulled from the web:
▪ It will take until 2021 for Michigan to gain back the 480,000 jobs it has lost. That is zero job growth until that number is reached.
▪ It will take until 2017 for North Carolina to gain back the 178,000 jobs it has lost
▪ Colorado has gained 11,000 jobs this year but is still 110,000 down from pre-2008 levels
▪ On average, California has lost 16,000 jobs each month since January 2008...add that up...
▪ Arizona will not recover the career-value jobs lost since President Obama took office until the final quarter of 2016
Additionally, 16.7% of our current workforce is under employed. So you have a guideline to understand this figure, these are people that are earning, market-by-market, less than the poverty level of those who are housed, fed and clothed in their demographic area. These are not millionaires who are now only making 100’s of thousand of dollars. No! These are qualified, trained, and educated adults who can’t afford the apartment or trailer they rent, the clothes they need, the utilities they must pay and the food on their tables!
They are not only not doing what they are trained and educated to do, they are not even making a livable wage.
Again, to gain perspective on 16.7% underemployment, this is 25 million people. This is equivalent to the entire population of the nation’s nine largest cities—New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Houston, Philadelphia, Phoenix, San Diego, San Antonio, and Dallas. During the height of the Great Depression in 1933, 12.8 million people were unemployed, or about 24.7% of the nation’s labor force.
If we are to adjust the direction in which the nation is moving, we must first take an honest look at where we are individually. Economists need to start with a truthful assessment of unemployment. Our political leaders must stop their ceaseless and shameless fundraising and pandering to special interests and address issues that will build the future for all Americans. We need a tax system that works for all Americans, along with a trade policy that allows us to be a strong global competitor in a manner that will not sacrifice our jobs.
However, you and I must take personal measures to recover our personal financial security. Business ownership is a foundational pillar on which the American Dream was founded. We, as a people, can drive much of what needs to be done with our vote and with our personal activity. Much of the new movement must be into people becoming their own businesses. Period!
Freud may be correct about illusions. In this case, however, the reality is that without a working America personally, you and I, will not be able to maintain a reasonable standard of living or generate the taxes to secure our national security and therefore a future for our offspring.
Conclusion
Before you even get to your business challenges, getting approval from your family is your first priority. Without this approval, I would never recommend you move forward unless you are willing to risk the well being of your family relations and also that of your future business.
You have no one else to answer to but yourself if you are single. That is why single, working individuals are often viewed as in the best position to start a business. If you are single and are living with parents and have some household responsibilities, then you need your parent’s buy-in just as you would need your spouse’s if you were married.
Similarly, if you are married and have children, you need your entire family’s buy in and not just your spouse’s. If you are a single parent, you need buy in from whoever helps you raise your children. The bottom line is that you need buy in from whoever will be affected by your decision to move forward into business ownership.
At the end of the day, you cannot (or should not) compromise relationships. What good is the wealth and freedom we build for ourselves if we don’t have anyone to enjoy and share it with? So while I am a BIG advocate of entrepreneurship, I am a bigger advocate of doing it the right way and with your family’s full support behind you. Go get it done tiger (tigress)!
Related Articles- Promise them Brunch dates every other Sunday – girls love this kind of stuff. For guys, promise the steak outings once a month.
- Even though it is expected that each spouse will continue to do what is expected out of them on a daily basis, go ahead and promise them anyway that you will continue to do all your household chores as expected on time and with diligence. There is reverse psychology involved here. If you play your cards right, you might end up getting relieved of some of your tasks. (Everything I learned about being diabolical I learned from the women in my life!) As an example, one fellow I know used to do dishes every night. But because he was working on his websites some evenings, his darling wife would go ahead and do them with the understanding that he was busy working on the family’s future.
- Promise them family time. Depending on your personal situation and the amount of leisure time you have to spend outside work, dedicate a portion of that to your family. Spend time together doing what you love doing and never break this promise. It is after all our family and not just our own personal satisfaction for which we work so hard.
You Haven’t Chosen A Business Yet? Get Your Spouse Into The Process With You!
The greatest error a partner can make is to begin the search for a business without the knowledge of their significant other. All the stuff I discussed above had assumed something; they were in the know that you were looking.
If not, then you are in luck. If you hadn’t started yet, great! There are dozens of personal reasons to begin a business and there is even more support from our economy. However, you need to share these with your spouse. The best time to let them know you are considering buying or starting a business is before you begin.
If you are between jobs perhaps you have taken personal and career profiles to determine skill sets, passions, interests, talents and capabilities. These often provide you with clues as to the direction you should consider. More often than not, today, they provide you insight into non-conventional methods to provide a financial future for yourself and family.
As Life Coaches Cindy and I work weekly with people who are looking to best understand how to proceed into the adventure of their future. We help to liberate them from the strictures of the past and help them realize how bright their future is. Often, and we must be honest, it does not involve business ownership. Not everyone is prepared for it straightaway. Some should never be in business by themselves; even in a franchise business. But it is best to know this and frankly more Americans are prepared than give themselves credit. We can help you discover that. If we do, we will insist on including your spouse in the process. You two are one when it relates to these matters.
Outside forces your spouse isn’t considering
In our current economy many executives are out of work. I write this in July of 2011 and currently the United States has lost 1,900,000 jobs...forever!
Most economists tell us that we will not make those specific jobs up at their current value for nearly ten years. Currently 13.9 million adult Americans (9.1%) are unemployed altogether. Given what any American knows about our economists and their ability to predict progress, what they are really saying is those jobs and their value is likely gone as well!
Sigmund Freud said, “Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead.” Many Americans and most political leaders at both federal and state levels want to believe in our “official unemployment rate.” The official rate gives no pleasure, but it is less painful than theactual rate. Many spouses and life partners are still under the illusion that you need to find a job. Maybe you have one now but they reason another one will make you happier. If you don’t have one, they may be reasoning that it is what you know and therefore it is what you should continue to do. They also further reasonwronglythat there is more security in the workforce.
Here are a few other statistics I just pulled from the web:
▪ It will take until 2021 for Michigan to gain back the 480,000 jobs it has lost. That is zero job growth until that number is reached.
▪ It will take until 2017 for North Carolina to gain back the 178,000 jobs it has lost
▪ Colorado has gained 11,000 jobs this year but is still 110,000 down from pre-2008 levels
▪ On average, California has lost 16,000 jobs each month since January 2008...add that up...
▪ Arizona will not recover the career-value jobs lost since President Obama took office until the final quarter of 2016
Additionally, 16.7% of our current workforce is under employed. So you have a guideline to understand this figure, these are people that are earning, market-by-market, less than the poverty level of those who are housed, fed and clothed in their demographic area. These are not millionaires who are now only making 100’s of thousand of dollars. No! These are qualified, trained, and educated adults who can’t afford the apartment or trailer they rent, the clothes they need, the utilities they must pay and the food on their tables!
They are not only not doing what they are trained and educated to do, they are not even making a livable wage.
Again, to gain perspective on 16.7% underemployment, this is 25 million people. This is equivalent to the entire population of the nation’s nine largest cities—New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Houston, Philadelphia, Phoenix, San Diego, San Antonio, and Dallas. During the height of the Great Depression in 1933, 12.8 million people were unemployed, or about 24.7% of the nation’s labor force.
If we are to adjust the direction in which the nation is moving, we must first take an honest look at where we are individually. Economists need to start with a truthful assessment of unemployment. Our political leaders must stop their ceaseless and shameless fundraising and pandering to special interests and address issues that will build the future for all Americans. We need a tax system that works for all Americans, along with a trade policy that allows us to be a strong global competitor in a manner that will not sacrifice our jobs.
However, you and I must take personal measures to recover our personal financial security. Business ownership is a foundational pillar on which the American Dream was founded. We, as a people, can drive much of what needs to be done with our vote and with our personal activity. Much of the new movement must be into people becoming their own businesses. Period!
Freud may be correct about illusions. In this case, however, the reality is that without a working America personally, you and I, will not be able to maintain a reasonable standard of living or generate the taxes to secure our national security and therefore a future for our offspring.
Conclusion
Before you even get to your business challenges, getting approval from your family is your first priority. Without this approval, I would never recommend you move forward unless you are willing to risk the well being of your family relations and also that of your future business.
You have no one else to answer to but yourself if you are single. That is why single, working individuals are often viewed as in the best position to start a business. If you are single and are living with parents and have some household responsibilities, then you need your parent’s buy-in just as you would need your spouse’s if you were married.
Similarly, if you are married and have children, you need your entire family’s buy in and not just your spouse’s. If you are a single parent, you need buy in from whoever helps you raise your children. The bottom line is that you need buy in from whoever will be affected by your decision to move forward into business ownership.
At the end of the day, you cannot (or should not) compromise relationships. What good is the wealth and freedom we build for ourselves if we don’t have anyone to enjoy and share it with? So while I am a BIG advocate of entrepreneurship, I am a bigger advocate of doing it the right way and with your family’s full support behind you. Go get it done tiger (tigress)!
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