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Courageous Conversations

Written by: Tim Schneider

Article Overview: For the purpose of leadership, courage is defined as a reconciliation of the consequences of failure. A courageous conversation is then the interaction between people when the leader has defined the consequences of failure and is alright with those potential risks.

Courageous Conversations

One of the reasons that leadership will never be a popularity contest is the need to conduct courageous conversations. These dialogs are those less than pleasant conversations that are necessary to move the organization forward to confront an inappropriate human behavior.

For the purpose of leadership, courage is defined as a reconciliation of the consequences of failure. A courageous conversation is then the interaction between people when the leader has defined the consequences of failure and is alright with those potential risks.

It is equally important to understand what a courageous conversation is not. The leader that believes his or her opinion is necessary at every meeting is not a courageous conversation. Also in the not category is the person who has evolved into the professional contrarian who constantly plays the “what if” or “let me play devil’s advocate” card. The leader that “blasts” someone to put them in their place is also not a courageous conversation.

To rise to the level of useful, a courageous conversation must have a clearly defined objective. That objective must then meet the standard of being for the organizational good and not just for the benefit or comfort of the leader. From the perspective of grammatical context, courageous conversations are also action oriented. This means that the language is not passive and that action is required to complete the transaction.

Tactically, there are a couple of techniques that can assist in the delivery of courageous conversations. The first technique to be employed is the preparation stage. It is here that the leader reviews the risks of the interaction and defines the desired and needed outcomes. As a cautionary note, this is also the stage in which many leaders will talk themselves out of having the conversation or justify away the need for the discussion. Instead, this stage should reaffirm the need and resolve to converse courageously.

The second tactical consideration is permission. The permission to have the discussion will often remove some of the emotion commonly associated with this type of interaction. It prevents any misunderstanding about the intention or false expectations for the context of the dialog. It also allows other participants the option of opting out of the conversation if they are not at a correct time to be open or if their emotional intelligence or physical energy is very low.

The final tactical approach is consistent with good coaching practices. Use direct and straight forward language to describe the issue or needed behavioral change. Being direct and to the point demonstrates seriousness and the strength of the leader. Using indirect language or approach will often lead to the perception that the issue is unimportant or the leader is ambiguous. Extra, and unnecessary, language can also create misunderstandings of desired outcomes or the objective of the conversation.

There are several situations in which courageous conversations can be very difficult. The employee who has an outstanding history of performance but has been slipping lately is a tough situation. The employee who does exceptional work in most areas of responsibility but has room for improvement in a single area is another example of difficult courageous conversations. Many times the leader does not want to risk the current performance in some areas or engage in a debate about historical value.

Another difficult situation involves confronting a peer. At the peer level, the leader exercises no legitimate authority over another. The easy approach is to “tell on” the offending peer or enter into the game of email “one-ups-manship” to embarrass the peer. Both of these methods are organizationally unhealthy and highly unproductive.

Our valued customers can also be in need of courageous conversations. Occasionally, customers will take advantage of our courtesy or the intent of our offers of time and resources. When customers are no longer providing mutual benefit, the courageous conversation can reestablish the terms of the relationship.

By far and away the most difficult of courageous conversations involves confronting the boss. One of the most common examples when this is needed is when the boss subverts you and your efforts and communicates directly with your employees. Although there are several underlying reasons why this would occur, the behavior must cease to be effective and credible with your people.

The position of leadership will never be easy. It will never be immensely popular. Leaders are needed to be effective and stay on vision and on mission. Sometimes the only way to achieve that is by the use of courageous conversations.

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Article Tags: benefit, blasts, cautionary note, consequences, courage, courageous conversations, devil s advocate, dialogs, failure, human behavior, interaction between people, leadership, objective, perm, perspective, popularity contest, preparation stage, reconciliation



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