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Oh, By The Way, FYI, and Other Messages of Great Importance

Guest post by: Don Doman

Article Overview: Sometimes information doesn't get passed along. Sometimes it's tacked on as an afterthought. Sometimes it's as though the information doesn't really matter at all. And, sometimes it's a gender problem.

Oh, By The Way, FYI, and Other Messages of Great Importance

Sometimes information doesn't get passed along. Sometimes it's tacked on as an afterthought. Sometimes it's as though the information doesn't really matter at all. And, sometimes it's a gender problem.

Babe Lehrer, in her book Men, They Just Don't Get It! tells the story of a podiatry assistant. She has a nice drive to work. She's humming and working well. It looks like a perfect day. Wrong.

"Right after lunch came the bombshell! The good doctor told all of us that he had offered free podiatry services that afternoon, to anyone who wanted or needed help from the mission downtown!

As I came out of the lunchroom, I opened the door to the waiting room and took a peek . . . not only was every seat in the waiting room filled, but people were sitting close together on the floor . . . I glanced up . . . there was a very long, seemingly endless line of people waiting to get into the office."

The office didn't close until well into the evening. The assistant nearly crawled to her car. As she drove home she fantasized about a nice relaxing bath and a shoulder rub. When she arrived home she found cars parked all down the street and in her driveway. Frightened she got out of the car and ran through the house and out to the back porch. There she heard her husband yell out to her, "Honey, I forgot to tell you that we're having a barbecue tonight."

Men and women think differently. Those differences are neither right nor wrong but they can result in confusion and conflict. In the story above, the doctor probably thought that the office was going to be open anyway, and everyone there was prepared to work with foot problems, so the information about the huge influx of people wasn't needed. As far as the husband not telling his wife about inviting everyone to a barbecue . . . that was just wrong.

Dr. Pat Heim, an expert on gender differences knows that men and women grow up in different cultures while learning different lessons. She says, " The hitch is that the rules of these cultures are typically invisible and these invisible rules are the cause of many misunderstandings as men and women work together . . ."

Dr. Heim's diversity training video, Invisible Rules: Men, Women and Teams provides information and insight that is the basis for better understanding and communication between the sexes.

Among her insights:
Men and women have radically different ideas of what it means to be a team player.

Our meeting behaviors are different. For men, the meeting often doesn't happen in the meeting and women may not know this.

Women often use disclaimers, hedges, and tag questions in their linguistic behavior, which can backfire when talking to men.

Our non-verbal communication is different. For example, when women nod it means "I hear you," while men nod in agreement.

The diversity training video Invisible Rules: Men, Women and Teams is a great introduction to gender differences.

We must first recognize the fact that men and women think differently. Next we must solve gender communication problems by identifying what the differences are. Speaking up, discussing, and listening are the first steps for more successful gender communication in the workplace and at home.

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