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Confessions of a Road Warrior.

Written by: Deborah Kimmett

Article Overview: Reality has sped up and so has your driving. By the time some of us get to our desk in the morning we've run out of gas.

Confessions of a Road Warrior.

When I lived in the big city, I blamed the fast pace of life on urban living. I
would drive to my business careening through city streets doing my lipstick, talking on a cell phone and
breast-feeding two kids all at the same time. Now that I live in the country, I
realize I have not slowed down one iota. I am the type of person who believes
the speed limit is merely a suggestion. I think I am trying to drive as fast as I
think. I used to drive 118 kilometers per hour, now I’m doing 130 kilometers per
hour, still in the slow lane and still have some guy on my tail, giving me the
finger.
The other week, I was cruising down the highway and this handsome young
guy pulled up alongside me. He waved and I waved back thinking, Deb baby,
you’ve still got it.
He waved back again, and with a stern look on his chiseled features,
indicated that I should pull over. So I did and as he got out of his police car, I
batted my eyes at him, bit my lip, pushed all my armpit fat up into a boob and in
my best Marilyn Monroe voice gushed: Is there a problem officer?
(This is how delusional I am. I think I’m still young enough to flirt my way
out of a ticket.)
He puffed himself up until the veins in his neck started to bulge erotically:
Are you in need of medical assistance ma’am?
When the Sex Kitten approach didn’t work, I resorted to my old Cranky
Feminist routine. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, so I said, “Oh just give me the
darn ticket”.
Then, just like at Weight Watchers, I lost all my points in one sitting.
My mother wouldn’t have done that. My mother would have said “Officer, I
have never sped a day in my life. I have had six children. Would you like to see
the Caesarean scars? I was just taking my aged aunt to the cancer clinic but if
you insist on giving a religious woman a ticket you go right ahead.” And as hewas walking back to his car, defeated, she would be still gabbing, “Thank you
son. There’s a special place in heaven for you.”
I am too young to do that and too old to flirt. I am stuck in the middle lane,
sandwiched between the young-uns passing me at a 138 km an hour, rap music
blaring and the slow lane with the old ones in hats, their heads barely above the
steering wheel.
Don’t talk to me about respect either. That cop didn’t once say to himself,
“I don’t think I’ll give this older but still sexually alluring woman a ticket because
she is mature and wise.”
This society doesn’t celebrate wisdom and crow’s feet.
Sure, I could move somewhere else. Someplace where I would get the
reverence my age deserves. I could immigrate to China where they respect the
elderly, but they have other issues, so its not really worth the trouble.

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Article Tags: 1 Funny Lady, Canadas TOP HUMORIST, LAUGH FOR FREE



Related Forum Posts
Re: How many mambers of this forum are also member of WF? - I am a Warrior and have been for over 5 years. I joined there in February 2004.
Re: Getting Press Coverage - Thanks Evan for this great post.What you have giving us here could easily sold as a $17 report on Warrior Forum (WSO).
Re: Internet Marketing is the best business in the world - 19- You don't need to finish marketing degree at university to become a professional marketer. 20- You can contact millionaires - ask them questions and get answers - without many problems and barriers (like in Warrior forums)
Re: How To Post A Forum Topic That Gets Responses - Evan, thanks for the great tips. I would add that posting something that contradicts the majority view has been known to stir up a conversation. There are a lot of threads in the Warrior forum to prove this. Cheers, Josip
How many mambers of this forum are also member of WF? - Hi Everyone, Are you also a member of Warrior Forum? The forum for Internet Marketers. I know GT and David are members. Please indicate if your are a member.


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