Confessions of a Road Warrior.
Confessions of a Road Warrior.
would drive to my business careening through city streets doing my lipstick, talking on a cell phone and
breast-feeding two kids all at the same time. Now that I live in the country, I
realize I have not slowed down one iota. I am the type of person who believes
the speed limit is merely a suggestion. I think I am trying to drive as fast as I
think. I used to drive 118 kilometers per hour, now I’m doing 130 kilometers per
hour, still in the slow lane and still have some guy on my tail, giving me the
finger.
The other week, I was cruising down the highway and this handsome young
guy pulled up alongside me. He waved and I waved back thinking, Deb baby,
you’ve still got it.
He waved back again, and with a stern look on his chiseled features,
indicated that I should pull over. So I did and as he got out of his police car, I
batted my eyes at him, bit my lip, pushed all my armpit fat up into a boob and in
my best Marilyn Monroe voice gushed: Is there a problem officer?
(This is how delusional I am. I think I’m still young enough to flirt my way
out of a ticket.)
He puffed himself up until the veins in his neck started to bulge erotically:
Are you in need of medical assistance ma’am?
When the Sex Kitten approach didn’t work, I resorted to my old Cranky
Feminist routine. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, so I said, “Oh just give me the
darn ticket”.
Then, just like at Weight Watchers, I lost all my points in one sitting.
My mother wouldn’t have done that. My mother would have said “Officer, I
have never sped a day in my life. I have had six children. Would you like to see
the Caesarean scars? I was just taking my aged aunt to the cancer clinic but if
you insist on giving a religious woman a ticket you go right ahead.” And as hewas walking back to his car, defeated, she would be still gabbing, “Thank you
son. There’s a special place in heaven for you.”
I am too young to do that and too old to flirt. I am stuck in the middle lane,
sandwiched between the young-uns passing me at a 138 km an hour, rap music
blaring and the slow lane with the old ones in hats, their heads barely above the
steering wheel.
Don’t talk to me about respect either. That cop didn’t once say to himself,
“I don’t think I’ll give this older but still sexually alluring woman a ticket because
she is mature and wise.”
This society doesn’t celebrate wisdom and crow’s feet.
Sure, I could move somewhere else. Someplace where I would get the
reverence my age deserves. I could immigrate to China where they respect the
elderly, but they have other issues, so its not really worth the trouble.
Confessions of a Road Warrior - To learn more about this author, visit Deborah Kimmett's Website.
Like this article? Share it with your friends
When I lived in the big city, I blamed the fast pace of life on urban living. I
would drive to my business careening through city streets doing my lipstick, talking on a cell phone and
breast-feeding two kids all at the same time. Now that I live in the country, I
realize I have not slowed down one iota. I am the type of person who believes
the speed limit is merely a suggestion. I think I am trying to drive as fast as I
think. I used to drive 118 kilometers per hour, now I’m doing 130 kilometers per
hour, still in the slow lane and still have some guy on my tail, giving me the
finger.
The other week, I was cruising down the highway and this handsome young
guy pulled up alongside me. He waved and I waved back thinking, Deb baby,
you’ve still got it.
He waved back again, and with a stern look on his chiseled features,
indicated that I should pull over. So I did and as he got out of his police car, I
batted my eyes at him, bit my lip, pushed all my armpit fat up into a boob and in
my best Marilyn Monroe voice gushed: Is there a problem officer?
(This is how delusional I am. I think I’m still young enough to flirt my way
out of a ticket.)
He puffed himself up until the veins in his neck started to bulge erotically:
Are you in need of medical assistance ma’am?
When the Sex Kitten approach didn’t work, I resorted to my old Cranky
Feminist routine. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, so I said, “Oh just give me the
darn ticket”.
Then, just like at Weight Watchers, I lost all my points in one sitting.
My mother wouldn’t have done that. My mother would have said “Officer, I
have never sped a day in my life. I have had six children. Would you like to see
the Caesarean scars? I was just taking my aged aunt to the cancer clinic but if
you insist on giving a religious woman a ticket you go right ahead.” And as hewas walking back to his car, defeated, she would be still gabbing, “Thank you
son. There’s a special place in heaven for you.”
I am too young to do that and too old to flirt. I am stuck in the middle lane,
sandwiched between the young-uns passing me at a 138 km an hour, rap music
blaring and the slow lane with the old ones in hats, their heads barely above the
steering wheel.
Don’t talk to me about respect either. That cop didn’t once say to himself,
“I don’t think I’ll give this older but still sexually alluring woman a ticket because
she is mature and wise.”
This society doesn’t celebrate wisdom and crow’s feet.
Sure, I could move somewhere else. Someplace where I would get the
reverence my age deserves. I could immigrate to China where they respect the
elderly, but they have other issues, so its not really worth the trouble.
Confessions of a Road Warrior - To learn more about this author, visit Deborah Kimmett's Website.
Like this article? Share it with your friends
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Jay Kubassek(Jay's Full Bio: EvanCarmichael.com/jaykubassek) Jay Kubassek is a Canadian born entrepreneur, internet marketing genius, professional speaker, international real estate developer/investor, executive film producer, extreme sport enthusiast and a passionate supporter of several charities worldwide. In 2007, Jay's vision and dedication to help other entrepreneurs and business owners duplicate his marketing success led to the creation of his fourth company CarbonCopyPRO, an internet marketing firm already worth over 15 million dollars that has over 20 employees and contract workers with clients is 12 different countries. Jay resides in NYC with his girlfriend Jamie, three year old son Milo and dog Cooper. As executive producer he recently premiered his first film in the 2008 Cannes Film Festival. As an adventurist he is racing the 2008 Baja 1000 off-road race and is a member of the 2008 U.S. National Elephant Polo Team, The New York Blue who will be representing the US in the 2008 World Championships in Nepal. Visit Jay's Blog: www.JayKubassek.com - Visit Jay Kubassek's Website |
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 Deborah Kimmett (Visit Deborah's Website) This funny woman is every H.R's manager's dream. She knows that human beings are what makes for good business. For 25 years, she was associated with the famous Second City as an actor, teacher, and mentor. She was one of the four architects of their Corporate Training Program and then in 2001 formed her own company Wit With Widsom. She is a brilliant and hilarious communicator who does keynotes, workshops and interactive seminars. For a small team building session or as a way to kick off your next big corporate event Deborah can be funny then motivational then act as your emcee. She is a dream come true for any event planner. Ms Kimmett has trained thousands of business people to deal with Change, Communcation, and Creativity. You will learn how to stay flexible, networking skills and how to take risks in the moment. Ms Kimmett appears regularly on CBC television at the Winnipeg Comedy Festival and is a veteran of The Debaters, for CBC Radio One. She is an author of eight plays and the book Reality is Over Reality.
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