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Bullying in the Workplace – How to Deal with It

Guest post by: Iris Barrow

Article Overview: What is a bully? How do they affect others? How can they be effectively dealt with in the workplace? This informative article answers these questions and gives victims and employers practical advice on how to deal with the bully in the work environment.

Bullying in the Workplace – How to Deal with It

What is a bully? There is a difference between someone who is mainly aggressive in their attitude and communication with other people, and a bully. The former tends to be generally aggressive to everybody, except perhaps to a few chosen individuals whom they favour, for one reason or another. The latter tends to pick on one specific person and make their life a living hell. The person can do nothing right and heaven help them if the bully happens to be their manager. The bully is into blaming and shaming and will criticise and judge their victim harshly at every opportunity. They delight in using aggressive tactics in front of other people; for example, at meetings or in the lunch room, and often will not stop until they have seriously embarrassed and upset the person on the receiving end of their verbal abuse. Make no mistake this person is being abused.

In my experience in industry, I have seen people reduced to tears, rendered incapable of functioning and fall into depression. This is a serious matter and can have long term repercussions for the victim. One person I know of had a nervous breakdown as a result of this treatment and had to have two months off work to recover. Another fell into a state of depression and had to leave their job because of it. In both cases the people concerned went to corporate lawyers and received healthy payouts in compensation from the organisations they were working for. If the bullies had been brought to account earlier, the employers could have acted quickly and decisively, and found solutions before the issue escalated to this level.If there is a culture in a company of ‘no bullying will be tolerated here’, victims are more likely to come forward knowing they will have support.

So how can bullies in the workplace be effectively dealt with? Let’s look at a few examples. In one case the ‘Peter Principal’ was applied, and the bully was moved sideways and found themselves working in isolation. Their job structure was changed to the extent that they had nobody reporting to them. It was a long time before they were put in charge of anybody else and then only after six months of counselling. Another bully was given a strong verbal and written warning and was also given weekly supervision with a senior manager who was noted for having very good people skills. It is interesting to note that in both cases management were able to trace a history of the bully picking on one person at a time. When the victim could stand it no longer and either left or requested a transfer to another department, the bully would choose their next victim and target them. Bullies usually pick passive people to intimidate because they are fairly certain they won’t stand up for themselves or fight back. They tend to avoid intimidating those who will. The big lesson to be learnt here, is that bullies are cowards at heart. Stand up to them and they will often back off, and eventually even leave you alone. They may hate you, but they will respect you. Personally I would rather be respected. They also bank on the fact that you will not have the courage to confront them if they attack you in front of others. It is essential that you respond assertively at all times. Your stance must be consistent, regardless of the situation. If the putdown occurs in front of a client (probably the most difficult situation the victim will encounter) still respond, but in a modified way, that is, “I don’t accept that, but I’ll explain it more fully when we have time” or “I don’t think you quite realise what has happened. If we can spend a few minutes discussing this later, it will become clearer”. Don’t hold back, because you think the customer will be embarrassed, as they already will be. So you cannot make the situation worse. All fair minded people (be they colleagues, friends or customers) do not like to witness other people being put down or verbally attacked in any way. If you are not in the presence of a client or similar, you can respond more strongly, for instance, “You don’t have the right to speak to me in this way. Please stop now” or “The way you are speaking to me is unacceptable, and I refuse to take it” or “I will accept fair criticism, but I will not accept putdowns and being verbally attacked”.

Even if the bully is your immediate manager, they have no right to treat you in this manner, and you do not have to take it. It is wise to keep a note of the time, date and content of the conversation. Whatever you do, don’t show you are upset (shout, burst into tears etc.). The bully feeds off pressing your emotional buttons, it feeds their ego and makes them feel even more powerful and power is the name of their game. So confront them in a calm but logical way, using a strong voice. You have more rights than you think you have. If the above strategy does not work, go to the next step. Talk to the bully privately and tell them that if they do not stop treating you this way, you will take the problem to the next level. (i.e. senior management, HR department etc) or if there is no next level, such as in an owner-operated business, to an authority outside the organisation. You do not need to tell the bully where you are going for advice. The victim needs to move out of the ‘victim mode’ otherwise their mental and physical health will be affected. They need to make a decision that either they are going to leave, (in which case the bully has won because this may have been their hidden agenda all along) or that they are going to honour themselves by standing up for their rights. Should they choose the latter pathway, their self-esteem and confidence will grow. Life does not throw these challenges at us for nothing.

Why is the bully a bully?

They are this way because of deep-seated injury within, which comes from childhood. They may have been bullied themselves , verbally or physically abused or possibly emotionally neglected. There is always a reason. They grow up not accepting and liking themselves and one of the ways this manifests is in ego feeding at others’ expense. They can become domineering, controlling and aggressive, adopting a 'there’s only one way and it’s my way' mentality. People perceive this person to be super confident but the reality is they are not, just the opposite in fact. They are very insecure within, with a low self-esteem and a significant lack of confidence in themselves. Their greatest fear is that other people will know how badly they feel about themselves, hence the overdone counter reaction. Think of a frightened kitten putting on a lion costume and roaring around. The above reasons give insight into why the bully will usually back down if confronted.

Advice to management on what to do about the bully

Firstly, always take complaints of bulling seriously and act immediately. It has probably taken a long time and a lot of desperation and courage for the complainant to come to you. Failing to take action is the worst thing you can do. The last thing you want is for the victim you go to a higher authority outside of your organisation. If they feel that their problem is not being listened to and addressed they may feel that they have no alternative but to do so. If you have a human resources department, utilise their services. They should be able to deal with this. Check that they have done so. If not, deal with it yourself, even if you have to bring in an outside consultant to advise and assist you. Interview both people separately, then together. Keep notes. In my own experience, I have usually found that there has been a history of bullying in the past. Tell both parties that you want notes kept for your own use and by the complainant if and when there is a repeat of the situation. Often the perpetrator is a very good worker. They tend to focus their energy is focused on the job; they don’t believe in wasting it on people. You may not necessarily want to lose them, preferring instead to rehabilitate them or use some other strategy limit their negative impact in your workplace. You have some choices here. You can apply the ‘Peter Principle’ and restructure their job so that they do not have other people reporting to them or answerable to them. If you decide to leave things as they are, let both parties know that you are doing so on a trial basis only, to see how things go. Set up a structure so that you see both weekly, certainly not less than fortnightly. Thus you can track how both are responding. Continue this strategy for four to six months. Ask one of your good people, for instance, a skilled senior manager to become a buddy to the bully and to involve them in an observer capacity when they are interacting with a team member. This should happen at least twice a week.

Invest in three months’ counselling for this person. Instruct the counsellor that they need to be taught people skills, which include communication, giving constructive criticism and listening skills. If you wish to get to the root of why they act as they do, counselling will take longer (possibly six to nine months). Even when things have settled down, it would be wise to give fortnightly supervision to the ex-bully. If things do not progress as they should, you can always offer the victim a transfer. Draw up a code of ethics and positive guidelines for all staff as to how they should respect and treat each other. In my experience, once the ex-victim knows that action has been taken and that you are keeping a close eye on things, they feel more secure and are usually happier. The ex-bully on the other hand knows that they must change and are being given the help to do so. They also know that you are aware of the situation so they may well change. Or if they are unwilling to do so they may opt to leave. In this case you are better off without them, because you will be spared ongoing problems of the same nature.

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Article Tags: abuse, aggressive, bully, bullying in the workplace, counselling, work environment



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