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Guest post by: Iris Barrow Become an Author

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Have you been rocked by an unexpected event in the last year or so? The death of a loved one, the loss or start of a relationship, been affected by an earthquake or flood, won or lost a large sum of money? One thing we can guarantee is that life will always throw the unexpected at us. It may be a change in our job situation, meeting somebody new who becomes close to us, an unexpected illness or tragedy, or an opportunity that is suddenly presented to us. Whether good or traumatic, it can bring about a whole variety and range of emotions such as shock, surprise, grief, elation, and confusion. As the unexpected does not give us the luxury of being able to prepare ourselves, we can often feel at a loss to know how to respond. Some unexpected events can affect our entire lives in a matter of seconds, Some can cause us to question how we live our lives. Some degree of stress accompanies every unexpected event. While we have little control over the unexpected event itself, we do have control over how we respond, so perhaps the tips below will help you cope better with the ‘curve balls' we're all thrown from time to time.

1. Be present in the present. We are granted this day only in which to live as fully, joyfully and productively as possible. There are no guarantees that we have tomorrow. In fact, there is never a tomorrow, there is only a today. Looking at it realistically, we only have this moment in time. So don't wish your life away, make the most of what you've got, right now.

2. Live by the statement: I only have to meet the needs of the moment in which I exist. This statement is absolutely valid, and contains a great truth. You only have to deal with the events and problems that hit you, one at a time. You may feel overwhelmed and that you have to deal with everything right now, but you don't. Your conscious brain can only think one thought at a time, therefore you can only address the particular issue of the moment (the moment in which you exist). This gives you control over your thinking. So realise that you are only called upon to deal to the situation that pertains to that moment. Once you grasp this concept, you will feel as if you can manage the unexpected more effectively.

3. Find somebody whose judgment you trust, and talk to them about this unexpected situation. Take care that you do not choose somebody who is going to say what you would like to hear them say. You need a person who will be honest with you, and who is emotionally mature. An alternative is to write a pro and con column to help you gain perspective and reach decisions. List possible solutions, facts (not wants and desires), and then weigh up what you have written. This will help to clarify your thinking, so that you are more likely to come to the right decision.

4. Must I deal with this now or can it wait? Ask yourself if what eventuates needs to be dealt with right now, or can wait. If it can wait, note it in your diary, dated ahead (maybe in a month's time), until you have more information, or the situation changes. Then give yourself permission to forget about it. Don't waste energy on it, time enough to deal with it when the chosen date arrives.

5. If it needs to be dealt with now, ask yourself four questions. What is the problem? What is the desired outcome? What are my options? What is the best option I can take right now? It is best to write this down in order to clarify your thinking. Then make a decision. Any decision is better than no decision. If you make a wrong decision, you can usually correct it. No decision leaves you in limbo and increases stress and anxiety.

6. Take the first step. Many people fail to take action because they cannot see the end result. I believe that once we take action (even a small action, like picking up the phone to ask for more information), we set in process a series of events that will lead to the ultimate answer, that is, after taking the first step, the next door opens, once we go through that, the next window of opportunity appears.

Coping with problems and unexpected events is usually a step-by-step process. There is an old saying: you can't steer a car that is stalled, but you can steer one that is in motion. 


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