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Guest post by: Iris Barrow Become an Author

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Many people prioritise a visit to the hairdresser, beauty therapist or auto mechanic over a session with a counsellor. Why this reluctance to spend time and money on our mental health?

Most of us don’t give a second thought to our mental health until a crisis hits. Many of those who come to see me have reached breaking point; perhaps their partner has walked out, their stress levels are so high they can’t function, or their drinking is seriously affecting their physical health and relationships.

Clients often tell me they were too embarrassed to come earlier, that it’s a sign of weakness to admit you need help ‘to sort yourself out’. Others have difficulty spending money on themselves ‘just to talk to someone’. It’s only when their lives start falling apart, or their physical health is impacted, that they see counselling as a necessity.

Alan came to me on the advice of his doctor who suspected he was depressed. Alan had had a "rough few years". He’d lost his job during a restructure and failed to find another, debts were mounting, and his marriage of 15 years was in trouble. He’d increasingly turned to alcohol to “blank everything out”. He was getting help for his drinking but couldn’t seem to pull himself out of what he described as "a dull ache inside".

If a person is depressed as Alan was, a good counsellor will assess the type and level of depression, and how long their client has been feeling this way so that they know what they’re dealing with. We all feel low at times which is a natural response to stressful events in our lives but depression is different. It stays with us for longer; if someone feels sad and miserable most of the time for 2 weeks or more, and gets no pleasure from daily activities, it’s time to ask for help. Depression is a complex illness and requires careful management. Each person is different and one approach may not fit all. Depending on the severity of the depression, a client may be prescribed medication as well as psychological counselling.

At his first counselling session Alan said he could see no way forward. He was worried for the future but I suggested we focus just on today, and right from the beginning I gave him some practical coping skills to improve his quality of life right now. My book, 15 Steps to Overcome Anxiety and Depression, includes some of these strategies. Gradually, Alan felt more able to cope with day-to-day life and in time and with guidance, started looking at his relationship and career options.

Many clients feel a huge sense of relief once they begin to talk about and deal with issues that are troubling them. Counselling may be challenging but it can also be a positive experience. Friends and family may be supportive but we may not want to share our intimate details with them. Talking to a trained counsellor who is not part of our social circle can give us a whole new perspective. We can also talk freely knowing that what we say will be kept confidential. Counselling gives us the opportunity to find out about ourselves, and helps us deal with and overcome issues that might be preventing us from enjoying and living life fully. Most counsellors give their clients ‘homework’; it might include exercises, reading, or practising relaxation techniques. My library of self-help books and CDs grew out of my wish to provide my own clients with information and practical exercises to do at home.

People see counsellors for all sorts of reasons. They may be suffering from stress or anxiety, have relationship difficulties, problems at work (such as bullying), phobias, have suffered a loss, are struggling with an addiction, or need help to gain some direction in their lives. We may think that problems will go away on their own if we just ‘get on with life’ but this is seldom the case. It’s so much better to seek professional help early, so that we don’t become weighed down with problems that will probably only escalate with time.

It’s important to find a counsellor with whom you have a rapport. Do you feel comfortable, safe and supported? Is your counsellor helping you find solutions or ways to cope with the issues you’re facing? If the relationship isn’t working for you, consider finding another counsellor. If you are suffering financial hardship, discuss this with your counsellor. Some charge a set rate per session, others may charge on a sliding scale.

Spending money on ourselves is well spent if it improves our quality of life and of those around us. A new haircut or outfit might give us a temporary lift, but in the words of one of my clients, “you may look dazzling on the outside but nothing compares to feeling good on the inside”.

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