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1. Agree a ‘contract’ between yourself and the recipient so that they are prepared and receptive for feedback.

2. Check for wellbeing and also for capacity. Back off when capacity reached. You can always agree to talk again at a future date.

3. Take your time to explain things, checking for understanding. If what you are trying to say is difficult to explain say so up front and perhaps try saying it a couple of ways. If working across cultures and languages ask the individual for help to ‘get the meaning right’.

4. Where possible illustrate with real examples but if your examples are weak or inappropriate be open about this. Do not fall into the trap of giving feedback through giving an example, having it refuted, finding another, having it refuted, and so on.

5. Do not treat questions and challenge as further ‘evidence’ [‘I said that you did not listen, and here you are, not listening] or unwillingness to listen and learn. Some people absorb feedback best through asking questions.

6. Allow space for the recipient to reflect, check, challenge, etc

7. Ask the individual if they can think of examples that illustrate what you are saying

8. Engage the individual in generating ideas for development actions. Allow individuals to come up with their own ideas. Present options and ideas for improvement and development – not solutions

9. Allow time for the positives. See if you can harness positives and strengths towards addressing development areas

10. Remember that perception is reality but also that intentions are important and where there is a disconnect the person to whom you are giving feedback needs to focus on how to better realise their intentions and figure out what is coming between their intention and their impact

. . . . . And, don’t forget to ask for feedback in exchange . . . . .

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