Are You Listening?
Are You Listening?
When listening carefully, other thoughts are put aside for a moment; other senses fade a bit as we tune our attention to sound. For a moment, there is no judgment, no discrimination, no understanding. Only hearing. Soon our brain, that hyperactive dog pulling on a leash, starts barking in with ideas, assumptions, interpretations, and decisions. If we can hold off that dog for a bit, we can listen with clarity, which leads to insights that were hidden. Insights useful to a leader.
Listening is not for ears alone. When we apply careful attention to our other sensory organs – our eyes, our nose, our skin, and so on – we develop a perception skill that few even know exists, let alone master. Listening as a practice leads to clearer perception of what is going on with the people on your team and in the organization you are leading. And that leads to competitive advantage.
Most schools don’t teach listening. Most parents don’t either. The closest we get is fun games like Where’s Waldo and I Spy and Memory Match Cards which emphasize keen observation but not listening per se. Very soon after, certainly by the 3rd grade, we move our kids’ efforts toward more serious academic pursuits, usually involving a decade of neurotic preparation for scarce slots among the better universities. In the process, we produce well educated men and women with a need to demonstrate that they are the smartest person in the room. How many times have you come across this person in your career? Are you one of them?
Some kids growing up in this answer-first education system react to the competitive activity by becoming a class clown in an attempt to divert from academic scrutiny or out of scorn for it. No listening there. Those who cannot compete in the speed-answer game or the snarky comment game often end up giving up. For most, daydreaming or socializing comes before listening. Some wash out into academic mediocrity; some pursue other competitive behaviors usually involving much running and a ball on grass, macadam, or hardwood floors. Rarely do any develop listening skills.
I am probably the last person to counsel against competition. I love it, thrive on it, and believe it is the fuel that makes a democracy and socially responsible capitalism possible. What I find sad is that in the midst of all the competitive juices flowing in academic and athletic endeavors, we neglect the most important skill we will ever have – listening carefully. It is the doorway to understanding our world and our place in it, and that in turn is the root source of every great leader’s strength – a clear headed perception of reality.
Listening is rarely if ever taught in schools because we assume listening is automatic in any normal human. Our society acts as though listening is the same as hearing. But listening is a skill, which like any other skill is mastered through practice. You mind is like a puppy and it gets in the way of good listening. So learning to listen meticulously is just like training a puppy. Want to learn how?
Five Steps to Listening Meticulously
1. Breathe. Find a quiet place. Sit still and comfortably with good but relaxed posture. Close your eyes. Breathe as fully and slowly as you can. Settle down.
2. Relax. Now open your eyes and look down toward the ground or to the table in front of you. You want to be awake and present while listening. What do you hear? Can you hear traffic? HVAC air blowing through a register? Birds chirping? People talking nearby? Your heartbeat? A dog barking in the distance? The blood rushing in your ears? A clock ticking? Your breath? Your mind is like a puppy. Let it roam around and listen to everything around you one-by-one, but keep your eyes open.
3. Concentrate. With your eyes still open, now count your breaths from 1 to 10. Every time your mind wanders away from this exercise, just come back to counting your breaths from 1 to 10. You will still be able to hear very well despite counting breaths. Now you are concentrating on one point amidst all the noise around you. Just breathe and count. You are training your mind puppy to sit instead of letting it roam around.
4. Wake up. You may get bored with counting to 10. You might get frustrated that you don’t get past 4 without ending up in a daydream. You might feel antsy. You might realize you are hungry. Whenever you notice that you are not counting anymore, you have a spark of awareness – you just woke up. Use that awareness and just come back to counting each breath from 1 to 10. Practice patience. Practice calm control. Practice staying present. You are training your mind puppy to come back on command, gently.
5. Practice. Do this for at least 5 minutes every day. If you enjoy it, do it for 10 or 15 minutes every day or do it several times a day. After 2 weeks, apply your newly honed concentrated attention on to the person speaking in front of you. If your mind wanders, or starts to get bored, or starts coming up with ideas while that person is speaking, use that same spark of awareness to come back to the person speaking. Come back to their voice, just like you came back to counting breaths from 1 to 10. With practice, you will notice that you aren’t drifting as much.
Leadership is a long term relationship. Listening builds relationships and makes you a more effective leader. When a person is heard fully and completely, without interruption, without debate, they are more likely to feel trust in you. They are far more likely to be receptive to whatever ideas you would like them to consider – whether it is a request you are making of them or whether it is an opinion you would like to share with them.
It doesn’t take much to practice this. If you start now, in a few weeks you will already be a more skilled listener than the majority of people on the planet. Keep practicing and people will notice. Soon you will be a more effective leader. Are you listening?
© 2008 www.BlueSevenPartners.com
Are You Listening - To learn more about this author, visit Michael Schutzler's Website.
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The act of listening is probably the most powerful tool you have as a leader. There are many ways to listen; the most obvious is with your ears. The act of listening is carefully paying attention to sounds, not just to words. The pace, breath, tone, and inflection of the voice all combine to provide you implied meaning, intentions, state-of-mind, and needs of the speaker. The voices of those talking around the speaker also teach much.
When listening carefully, other thoughts are put aside for a moment; other senses fade a bit as we tune our attention to sound. For a moment, there is no judgment, no discrimination, no understanding. Only hearing. Soon our brain, that hyperactive dog pulling on a leash, starts barking in with ideas, assumptions, interpretations, and decisions. If we can hold off that dog for a bit, we can listen with clarity, which leads to insights that were hidden. Insights useful to a leader.
Listening is not for ears alone. When we apply careful attention to our other sensory organs – our eyes, our nose, our skin, and so on – we develop a perception skill that few even know exists, let alone master. Listening as a practice leads to clearer perception of what is going on with the people on your team and in the organization you are leading. And that leads to competitive advantage.
Most schools don’t teach listening. Most parents don’t either. The closest we get is fun games like Where’s Waldo and I Spy and Memory Match Cards which emphasize keen observation but not listening per se. Very soon after, certainly by the 3rd grade, we move our kids’ efforts toward more serious academic pursuits, usually involving a decade of neurotic preparation for scarce slots among the better universities. In the process, we produce well educated men and women with a need to demonstrate that they are the smartest person in the room. How many times have you come across this person in your career? Are you one of them?
Some kids growing up in this answer-first education system react to the competitive activity by becoming a class clown in an attempt to divert from academic scrutiny or out of scorn for it. No listening there. Those who cannot compete in the speed-answer game or the snarky comment game often end up giving up. For most, daydreaming or socializing comes before listening. Some wash out into academic mediocrity; some pursue other competitive behaviors usually involving much running and a ball on grass, macadam, or hardwood floors. Rarely do any develop listening skills.
I am probably the last person to counsel against competition. I love it, thrive on it, and believe it is the fuel that makes a democracy and socially responsible capitalism possible. What I find sad is that in the midst of all the competitive juices flowing in academic and athletic endeavors, we neglect the most important skill we will ever have – listening carefully. It is the doorway to understanding our world and our place in it, and that in turn is the root source of every great leader’s strength – a clear headed perception of reality.
Listening is rarely if ever taught in schools because we assume listening is automatic in any normal human. Our society acts as though listening is the same as hearing. But listening is a skill, which like any other skill is mastered through practice. You mind is like a puppy and it gets in the way of good listening. So learning to listen meticulously is just like training a puppy. Want to learn how?
Five Steps to Listening Meticulously
1. Breathe. Find a quiet place. Sit still and comfortably with good but relaxed posture. Close your eyes. Breathe as fully and slowly as you can. Settle down.
2. Relax. Now open your eyes and look down toward the ground or to the table in front of you. You want to be awake and present while listening. What do you hear? Can you hear traffic? HVAC air blowing through a register? Birds chirping? People talking nearby? Your heartbeat? A dog barking in the distance? The blood rushing in your ears? A clock ticking? Your breath? Your mind is like a puppy. Let it roam around and listen to everything around you one-by-one, but keep your eyes open.
3. Concentrate. With your eyes still open, now count your breaths from 1 to 10. Every time your mind wanders away from this exercise, just come back to counting your breaths from 1 to 10. You will still be able to hear very well despite counting breaths. Now you are concentrating on one point amidst all the noise around you. Just breathe and count. You are training your mind puppy to sit instead of letting it roam around.
4. Wake up. You may get bored with counting to 10. You might get frustrated that you don’t get past 4 without ending up in a daydream. You might feel antsy. You might realize you are hungry. Whenever you notice that you are not counting anymore, you have a spark of awareness – you just woke up. Use that awareness and just come back to counting each breath from 1 to 10. Practice patience. Practice calm control. Practice staying present. You are training your mind puppy to come back on command, gently.
5. Practice. Do this for at least 5 minutes every day. If you enjoy it, do it for 10 or 15 minutes every day or do it several times a day. After 2 weeks, apply your newly honed concentrated attention on to the person speaking in front of you. If your mind wanders, or starts to get bored, or starts coming up with ideas while that person is speaking, use that same spark of awareness to come back to the person speaking. Come back to their voice, just like you came back to counting breaths from 1 to 10. With practice, you will notice that you aren’t drifting as much.
Leadership is a long term relationship. Listening builds relationships and makes you a more effective leader. When a person is heard fully and completely, without interruption, without debate, they are more likely to feel trust in you. They are far more likely to be receptive to whatever ideas you would like them to consider – whether it is a request you are making of them or whether it is an opinion you would like to share with them.
It doesn’t take much to practice this. If you start now, in a few weeks you will already be a more skilled listener than the majority of people on the planet. Keep practicing and people will notice. Soon you will be a more effective leader. Are you listening?
© 2008 www.BlueSevenPartners.com
Are You Listening - To learn more about this author, visit Michael Schutzler's Website.
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