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These “Dragons” Hold You Back?

Written by: Jamie Broughton

Article Overview: Have you noticed that little voice in your head that chatters away telling you what you can or can’t do? It usually gets louder when you’ve got a big challenge in front of you. More often than not, it favors the negative thoughts. I call those thoughts “dragons”. If you’re interested in leashing the biggest dragons that get between you and success, read on.

These “Dragons” Hold You Back?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure…Your playing small doesn't serve the world.”
- Marianne Williamson
Best Selling Author, Spiritual Leader, Quoted by
President Nelson Mandela Inaugural Speech, 1994

The dragons that affect how we lead came into being when we were young.

I met an important dragon of my own when I was 5 years old. It was the afternoon before my friend Terry’s Halloween party. My Dad and I were working away on the greatest Halloween costume ever created. I was going to be a yellow duck!

Looking back, it was the kind of outfit no parent in their right mind would ever put on a child. It was made out of cardboard – one of those huge monstrosities that I couldn’t walk in very well. I’d bump into things all the time and it chaffed my legs. Don’t get me started about trying to go to the washroom with it, either. You know the kind of outfit I’m talking about, right?

Anyway, Dad and I were having a great time, cutting the curved lines in the cardboard, gluing, stapling and painting. It was a real father/son bonding experience. As it was coming together near the end, I started to feel a knot forming in my stomach, but I wasn’t sure why.

When we were done, we put the outfit on the coffee table, stepped back and admired our work. In the eyes of a five-year-old, it was absolutely grand. It was bright. It was perfect. So much so, REAL ducks would be turning their heads! For sure this would be the BEST outfit at the party. People would really notice ME.

And that was precisely my problem…

It was then I realized what the knot in my stomach was all about. The outfit was TOO great. I was actually afraid of standing out, being different, being laughed at, and not being accepted. I couldn’t face my fears. There I was, all dressed up WITH a place to go and I chose to stay home. You heard me right: I didn’t go to the party.

This is one of my earliest childhood memories and it marked the beginning of over twenty years of playing it safe. I was often the shyest kid in the class. I didn’t play many sports. Girls scared me to death and once I finally found one when I was 17, I stayed with her for FIVE years! Why? So I wouldn’t have to face going out and dating again!!

The funny thing is that over those 20 years, people thought I had it together: “He’s got the good grades in school. He doesn’t get into too much trouble. He got the ‘good’ degree and a ‘good’ job once he graduated.” Yet, inside I knew there was FAR more I could contribute.

I’d become an expert at playing life safe, looking good and fitting in.

Fieldwork:

We often have thoughts that drive (and limit) us as people and leaders, I call them “dragons.” They play a critical role in determining the results we create.

We all have a unique combination of dragons and they fear different things:

• Loss of image
• Not being approved of
• Failure
• Letting our guard down (vulnerability)
• Being rejected
• Getting conned
• Success (yes, success)
• Feeling helpless

Before you start to groan about the oh-so-inspiring list above, I want you to get that there’s NOTHING wrong with you. These are things – dragons – we’ve all experienced, seasoned leader or not.

Rest assured though, there are ways to leash your dragons.

The first step is to identify the dragon. Here’s a quick way to do just that.

Take out a piece of paper. Go as far back as you can remember and think about your biggest failures (I know, it sounds weird but bear with me). Write down a thought or two describing the event, enough so it’s clear for you. Leave some space between each event on the page.

E.g., “Five years old: Not going to the Halloween party after Dad and I built the duck outfit.”

After you’ve created your list of events (5 min, 10 or more would be nice), write down what NEGATIVE thing you said to yourself about yourself or the situation at the time.

Situational comments may come to mind first:
E.g. “I can’t have the best outfit at a party.”

Then move them into a broader context:
E.g. “People will think I’m showing off.” “People will laugh at me.”

Finally, turn them into an “I” statement about yourself.
E.g. “I don’t fit in” or “I’m too _X_ (or not _Y_ enough.)”

Do this for each of the events on your list. Step back and look at your answers. Usually, there is a theme or pattern in your final “I” statements. Capture the pattern in a single “I” statement that resonates most with you.

The statement:
• Will be familiar. You’ll recognize how much you actually say it, when you identify it.
• Is not attractive. You won’t feel good about it (that’s why we do everything we can to hide it).
• Is often used as a reason or excuse to justify not giving it our best.

Imagine what it would be like if you could leave THIS dragon behind?

You can.

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Article Tags: cardboard, childhood memories, coffee table, deepest fear, ducks, friend terry, halloween costume, halloween party, having a great time, knot, marianne williamson, monstrosities, nelson mandela, nelson mandela inaugural speech, nelson mandela inaugural speech 1994, party people, president nelson mandela, spiritual leader, washroom, yellow duck



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Dragon's Den - I'd be interested in hearing people's reaction to the CBC TV show "Dragon's Den." Personally, I feel the show is very corny(probably why its on the CBC), however it illustrates perfectly the importance of having a well defined elevator pitch with a killer pain statement and glorious value proposition. Those entrepreneaur wanabes who get the most interest(and ultimately a crap load of money) are those who impress the Dragons with a great EP. This being said, another trend I can see is that those who truly...TRULY...have a passion for what they do and can properly communicate this to the Dragons are also favoured. Furthermore, those who also show the Dragons that they have done alittle research (like knowing their names and the companies they founded) also have a better chance. These are all valuable lessons that can be learned if you strip back the cheesy veneer of the show. I'd be interested in hearing all of your thoughts and what you have learned from the show.
Dragon's Den Comments - Great post JWGM! While I'm usually not home to watch it on Wednesday nights I liked the one episode I saw (same one as you Louis!). I think any opportunity for entrepreneurs to get an understanding of what investors are looking for in a business helps. One thing to note is that you want to pitch to people who understand your business. There were a few entrepreneurs who had positive responses but because the Dragons weren't from that industry they didn't want to get involved. The entrepreneur who wanted to make the truffles franchise is an example - all the Dragons liked the idea but only one got involved - the one who had a background in setting up franchises. I'm glad Canadian entrepreneurs are getting more exposure and am looking forward to more shows!
Re: THE SECRET TO SUCCESS IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD...RIGHT NOW!!! - Self motivation is the key to entrepreneurship, without it you are doomed. Hold your head up high and don't let the small things got you down. Stay positive and persistent and you shall have prosperity.
Re: help wanted in u.k. - Thanks for the feedback everyone, I just got the reason for that just now. Here goes- The BBC only owns the Dragons' Den format for the UK. As such the interactive content is only available to people within the UK. I hope this clarifies things Thanks Brendan
Re: help wanted in u.k. - Hi Brendan, Well done for getting onto (or into) the Dragons' Den. I'd love to see the clip, but it is unavailable in my area (Japan)... Any chance of getting the clip onto youtube? Best wishes, David H


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