What Game are You Really Playing?
What Game are You Really Playing?
~Unknown
All choices have consequences. As a parent I discovered just how effective “timeouts” are at shaping behaviour not only for kids and but adults too.
“Huh? Adults?”
Yup, adults.
Bear with me for a sec and I’ll give a smidgen more background any for those who aren’t familiar with the timeout approach.
Time-outs work best when there is a structured warning system. It can look like this:
1. Child does X behaviour that isn’t appropriate.
2. Parent asks child to stop or do something else instead.
3. Child continues behaviour.
4. Parent asks child again.
5. Child continues behaviour.
6. Parent counts, “that’s 1, [name of child]. Please don’t do X.” (No emotion just stated).
7. Child continues behaviour.
8. Parent counts, “that’s 2, [name of child]. One more and you’re on a time-out.”
9. Child still doesn’t listen.
10. Parent counts, “that’s 3, [name of child], you’re on a time out” (child sits for a time out – usually accompanied by screaming protests and/or pleas for forgiveness).
11. Child sulks and thinks about action that got them the consequence.
12. Time out ends. A hug and they’re off.
What’s brilliant about the process is there’s a structured warning system; the child knows exactly where the line is – 1, 2, 3 and…you sit. Obviously if the child changes behaviour at any point, the process stops. Simon, my four year old has got the hang of it now so we skip 1 and start at 2. It’s simple, clear, easy and effective.
As adults, we can easily ignore our warnings.
Consider we all have our own warning and support system if we choose to listen to it. The challenge of course is it isn’t quite so structured, but it is there if you look for it. Here’s an example.
Jill, a CEO client of mine, has been going working at a relentless pace for a number of years and for the most part hasn’t taken care of her well-being throughout that period. Recently she had her fourth car accident in two years. Yup, you heard me, her fourth.
Jill’s doctor ordered her a timeout of her own: six weeks bed-rest to heal a herniated disk in her back – the result of the latest accident. Like Simon, my four year old, the timeout was accompanied by screaming protests – “Argh, I’m a CEO, I can’t take six weeks off!!!” - and pleas for forgiveness – “I’ll behave I proooomise!”
Now at week 3 of her prescribed down-time, she’s admitted her sulking has stopped
She finally got the message.
Coaching Fieldwork
Consider you’re so powerful that you’re always winning the game you’re really playing. The world always lines up exactly with what it is you’re up to and gives you signals about how your game is going. The signals can come in a multitude of forms from car accidents to chance conversations to challenging clients.
Jill’s real game was to win at the game of business while using herself up in the process (and she won at that game). What’s yours? Is there an area of your life that’s not working as well as you’d like it to? Take a look, be honest with yourself, and ask “what game am I really playing in this area?” Perhaps, you’ll see your choices in a different light.
What Game are You Really Playing - To learn more about this author, visit Jamie Broughton's Website.
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“You are always winning the game you’re (really) playing.”
~Unknown
All choices have consequences. As a parent I discovered just how effective “timeouts” are at shaping behaviour not only for kids and but adults too.
“Huh? Adults?”
Yup, adults.
Bear with me for a sec and I’ll give a smidgen more background any for those who aren’t familiar with the timeout approach.
Time-outs work best when there is a structured warning system. It can look like this:
1. Child does X behaviour that isn’t appropriate.
2. Parent asks child to stop or do something else instead.
3. Child continues behaviour.
4. Parent asks child again.
5. Child continues behaviour.
6. Parent counts, “that’s 1, [name of child]. Please don’t do X.” (No emotion just stated).
7. Child continues behaviour.
8. Parent counts, “that’s 2, [name of child]. One more and you’re on a time-out.”
9. Child still doesn’t listen.
10. Parent counts, “that’s 3, [name of child], you’re on a time out” (child sits for a time out – usually accompanied by screaming protests and/or pleas for forgiveness).
11. Child sulks and thinks about action that got them the consequence.
12. Time out ends. A hug and they’re off.
What’s brilliant about the process is there’s a structured warning system; the child knows exactly where the line is – 1, 2, 3 and…you sit. Obviously if the child changes behaviour at any point, the process stops. Simon, my four year old has got the hang of it now so we skip 1 and start at 2. It’s simple, clear, easy and effective.
As adults, we can easily ignore our warnings.
Consider we all have our own warning and support system if we choose to listen to it. The challenge of course is it isn’t quite so structured, but it is there if you look for it. Here’s an example.
Jill, a CEO client of mine, has been going working at a relentless pace for a number of years and for the most part hasn’t taken care of her well-being throughout that period. Recently she had her fourth car accident in two years. Yup, you heard me, her fourth.
Jill’s doctor ordered her a timeout of her own: six weeks bed-rest to heal a herniated disk in her back – the result of the latest accident. Like Simon, my four year old, the timeout was accompanied by screaming protests – “Argh, I’m a CEO, I can’t take six weeks off!!!” - and pleas for forgiveness – “I’ll behave I proooomise!”
Now at week 3 of her prescribed down-time, she’s admitted her sulking has stopped
She finally got the message.
Coaching Fieldwork
Consider you’re so powerful that you’re always winning the game you’re really playing. The world always lines up exactly with what it is you’re up to and gives you signals about how your game is going. The signals can come in a multitude of forms from car accidents to chance conversations to challenging clients.
Jill’s real game was to win at the game of business while using herself up in the process (and she won at that game). What’s yours? Is there an area of your life that’s not working as well as you’d like it to? Take a look, be honest with yourself, and ask “what game am I really playing in this area?” Perhaps, you’ll see your choices in a different light.
What Game are You Really Playing - To learn more about this author, visit Jamie Broughton's Website.
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Dave KurlanDave Kurlan is the founder and CEO of Objective Management Group, Inc., the industry leader in sales assessments and sales force evaluations, and the CEO of David Kurlan & Associates, Inc., a consulting firm specializing in sales force development. Dave has been a top rated speaker at Inc. Magazine's Conference on Growing the Company, the Sales & Marketing Management Conference and the Gazelles Sales & Marketing Summit. He has been featured on radio and TV, including World Business Review with General Norman Schwarzkopf, in Inc. Magazine, Selling Power Magazine, Sales & Marketing Management Magazine and Incentive Magazine. He is the author of Mindless Selling and Baseline Selling – How to Become a Sales Superstar by Using What You Already Know about the Game of Baseball. He created and wrote STAR, a proprietary recruiting process for hiring great salespeople, and he writes Understanding the Sales Force, a popular business Blog and is a contributing author to The Death of 20th Century Selling and 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Volume 2. - Visit Dave Kurlan's Website |
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