What You See Is What You Get
What You See Is What You Get
a well than a fool can from a mountain top.”
~ Proverb
Jeff finally gets his wish, a break from work and family. At last, time to himself. He’s been looking forward to hanging out, doing some relaxing, spending the day travelling on the train.
He steps into the train car and it’s empty – excellent. Moments later a father and his two young boys get on board. The kids seem quite energetic and he wonders if they’re going to settle down for the trip.
“I hope they sit at the other end of the train car,” he secretly wishes.
The train pulls away and it’s just the four of them. “Ahhh, this’ll be nice.” Dave gets comfortable, settles in and begins enjoying his book.
It’s not long before the kids start acting up. At first he just ignores it. “They’re just being a little loud.” He tries to focus.
An hour passes and things are heating up a little. The rascals are now not just walking up and down the aisle; they’re running!
Jeff throws a stern glare towards the kids.
Time passes and things get even louder. A fight breaks out over who gets the last Smartie in the box of candy they’ve been sharing.
A potato chip bag is “popped” in retaliation and chips fly everywhere. The yelling starts and thoughts of a peaceful, quite train ride evaporate into thin air.
Jeff grits his teeth. “Incredible what kids get away with these days,” he mutters under his breath.
The father sits there seemingly oblivious. From the back it looks as though he’s just enjoying reading his paper.
Jeff begins to seethe. “I just CAN’T believe parents would let this kind of behaviour go on. This is ridiculous!”
He’s ready to burst.
A mini nerf football zings into the side of Jeff’s head. Startled, he spills his coffee over his lap.
Okay, THAT’S IT!!
Completely fed up, he storms down to the parent to ask him to TAKE CONTROL OF THIS OUTRAGEOUS BEHAVIOUR.
The parent looks up almost surprised at Jeff standing there. His eyes are bloodshot and swollen. Whoa, something’s up.
A little unsure, Jeff fumbles out a request to do something about the situation.
“Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry. I’m a little distracted,” the father says wearily. “We’re heading home for a funeral. Their mother was killed yesterday in a car crash and I’m just not sure what we’ll do.”
“Oh…”
In a split second Jeff feels like a complete jerk. Now HE’S apologetic. He slinks back to his seat, embarrassed about how presumptuous he was.
An experience of compassion, understanding and forgiveness floods over Jeff. Suddenly, all the “miss-behaviour” looks completely different.
Coaching Fieldwork:
Want to have dramatically different results in an area of your life? Don’t DO anything different. Shift your CONTEXT instead. Here’s how it works:
Everything we do (actions we take) springs from who we are “being” at any given moment. Who we are being then comes from the context (how we view the situation) we create.
In Jeff’s case, some of what he was “doing” was gritting his teeth, casting stern looks at the kids and storming down the aisle. That doing was coming from who he was being in the situation – frustrated, resentful and “justified” about his opinion.
Jeff’s negative state of being came from the context he unconsciously created – “darn kids these days” or “some parenting is just inexcusable.”
Now, let’s work the process backwards from the exchange with the father.
When Jeff got the real goods about what was going on, his context completely shifted from “inexcusable parenting…” to “Holy cow, they’re just trying to deal with a really difficult situation.”
In turn, that “context” transformed his state of being to one of compassion, understanding and forgiveness. Coming from THIS place, his experience of the situation was entirely different and the behaviour just didn’t seem to matter quite the same way.
Does this mean Jeff has to lie down like a doormat and tolerate the kids’ behaviour? Of course not. He could request a seat change, put on his iPod, or even talk with the parent again.
The difference, though, is that WHATEVER he might choose to do would come from a place of compassion, understanding and forgiveness INSTEAD of resentment, frustration and justification – a completely altered internal experience.
Wanna bet he enjoyed his train ride regardless?
Consider these questions:
1. Where do you have results that are less than you’d like? Be specific.
2. What are you doing in the situation?
3. Who are you being about it?
4. What context (your view of the situation) have you created?
5. Is your context the absolute truth?
What You See Is What You Get - To learn more about this author, visit Jamie Broughton's Website.
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“A wise man can see more from the bottom of
a well than a fool can from a mountain top.”
~ Proverb
Jeff finally gets his wish, a break from work and family. At last, time to himself. He’s been looking forward to hanging out, doing some relaxing, spending the day travelling on the train.
He steps into the train car and it’s empty – excellent. Moments later a father and his two young boys get on board. The kids seem quite energetic and he wonders if they’re going to settle down for the trip.
“I hope they sit at the other end of the train car,” he secretly wishes.
The train pulls away and it’s just the four of them. “Ahhh, this’ll be nice.” Dave gets comfortable, settles in and begins enjoying his book.
It’s not long before the kids start acting up. At first he just ignores it. “They’re just being a little loud.” He tries to focus.
An hour passes and things are heating up a little. The rascals are now not just walking up and down the aisle; they’re running!
Jeff throws a stern glare towards the kids.
Time passes and things get even louder. A fight breaks out over who gets the last Smartie in the box of candy they’ve been sharing.
A potato chip bag is “popped” in retaliation and chips fly everywhere. The yelling starts and thoughts of a peaceful, quite train ride evaporate into thin air.
Jeff grits his teeth. “Incredible what kids get away with these days,” he mutters under his breath.
The father sits there seemingly oblivious. From the back it looks as though he’s just enjoying reading his paper.
Jeff begins to seethe. “I just CAN’T believe parents would let this kind of behaviour go on. This is ridiculous!”
He’s ready to burst.
A mini nerf football zings into the side of Jeff’s head. Startled, he spills his coffee over his lap.
Okay, THAT’S IT!!
Completely fed up, he storms down to the parent to ask him to TAKE CONTROL OF THIS OUTRAGEOUS BEHAVIOUR.
The parent looks up almost surprised at Jeff standing there. His eyes are bloodshot and swollen. Whoa, something’s up.
A little unsure, Jeff fumbles out a request to do something about the situation.
“Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry. I’m a little distracted,” the father says wearily. “We’re heading home for a funeral. Their mother was killed yesterday in a car crash and I’m just not sure what we’ll do.”
“Oh…”
In a split second Jeff feels like a complete jerk. Now HE’S apologetic. He slinks back to his seat, embarrassed about how presumptuous he was.
An experience of compassion, understanding and forgiveness floods over Jeff. Suddenly, all the “miss-behaviour” looks completely different.
Coaching Fieldwork:
Want to have dramatically different results in an area of your life? Don’t DO anything different. Shift your CONTEXT instead. Here’s how it works:
Everything we do (actions we take) springs from who we are “being” at any given moment. Who we are being then comes from the context (how we view the situation) we create.
In Jeff’s case, some of what he was “doing” was gritting his teeth, casting stern looks at the kids and storming down the aisle. That doing was coming from who he was being in the situation – frustrated, resentful and “justified” about his opinion.
Jeff’s negative state of being came from the context he unconsciously created – “darn kids these days” or “some parenting is just inexcusable.”
Now, let’s work the process backwards from the exchange with the father.
When Jeff got the real goods about what was going on, his context completely shifted from “inexcusable parenting…” to “Holy cow, they’re just trying to deal with a really difficult situation.”
In turn, that “context” transformed his state of being to one of compassion, understanding and forgiveness. Coming from THIS place, his experience of the situation was entirely different and the behaviour just didn’t seem to matter quite the same way.
Does this mean Jeff has to lie down like a doormat and tolerate the kids’ behaviour? Of course not. He could request a seat change, put on his iPod, or even talk with the parent again.
The difference, though, is that WHATEVER he might choose to do would come from a place of compassion, understanding and forgiveness INSTEAD of resentment, frustration and justification – a completely altered internal experience.
Wanna bet he enjoyed his train ride regardless?
Consider these questions:
1. Where do you have results that are less than you’d like? Be specific.
2. What are you doing in the situation?
3. Who are you being about it?
4. What context (your view of the situation) have you created?
5. Is your context the absolute truth?
What You See Is What You Get - To learn more about this author, visit Jamie Broughton's Website.
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