The Art and Science of Giving and Receiving Feedback
Years ago I worked for a wilderness program as a canoe instructor. We took great pride in our knowledge of the bush and our abilities to safely guide our students down whitewater rapids, over rugged portages and across huge open lakes. We especially took pride in our paddling skills.
One spring during staff training a visiting American suggested that we bring in a professional coach to improve our paddling techniques. The response from my peers was instant and defiant. “Bring in a paddling coach? We’re Canadian! We’ve grown up in canoes! Paddling is natural, like learning to walk. Who could possibly teach us anything about paddling a canoe?”
So it is with coaching managers and their staff on feedback. Everyone thinks that giving feedback is as natural as breathing. “You just bring’em into your office, shut the door, look’em in the eye and put all your cards on the table. What else could there possibly be to learn about something so straightforward?”
Like paddling a canoe, giving and receiving feedback is a skill set that can be vastly improved with training and practice. Here are the basics. (When people here the word ‘basics’ they assume that the topic to be addressed is simple and easy to master. Understanding the following points will indeed be easy. The challenge lies in putting these guidelines into practice.)
How to Give Constructive Feedback
· Only the people who need to hear the feedback should be present. Take the time to find some privacy
· Be specific and use examples. Instead of making blanket judgements as in “Whenever you work with our team, our people get frustrated and angry because of your demands,”
say
“When you ask us to change our procedures for clients without
explaining why or asking for our ideas, people sometimes ignore or resist
your requests. Did you know that? Is that something you can change?”
· Wherever possible be specific about the changes in performance or behaviour that you would like to see. To continue with the example in the above bullet-point: “When you ask us to change our procedures for clients without explaining why or asking for our ideas, people sometimes ignore or resist your requests. Did you know that? Is that something you can change? For example, how about asking Jane about technical issues and how she thinks they could be improved before telling us that you want us to do it your way?”
· Do not rant or get off topic. Plan the feedback you want to give in advance then stick to your own agenda. Do not bring up additional issues unless they are related. Do not bundle issues together as in “and while we are on the subject of your punctuality, I have to remind you to please not park in the Visitor Parking Area when you arrive late and dash into the office. “ The fact that someone is not parking in the designated place and inconveniencing visitors is a separate issue. No one wants to listen to an avalanche of constructive feedback on a wide range of topics
· Stay constructive. Talk about actions, attitudes and behaviours, not personality issues. People can change what they do, what they think and how they behave. They cannot change your perception of their personalities
· Do not let dialogue slip into debate. Don’t try to establish who is right or wrong in this dialogue. Both parties need to accept that fact that feedback is based on perceptions as well as facts, and that each person’s view must be accepted as being valid
· Practice compassion. Remember that you are not trying to get revenge or pay back for something that you perceive as being wrong. Your goal in giving feedback should be to help that person or team improve for their own good and for the benefit of the entire organization
How to Receive Constructive Feedback
· Remember you are receiving a gift. Say “Thank you”. Far better that you hear constructive feedback directly from the people involved rather than through the rumour mill or worse yet, not at all. People will give you feedback because they have faith in your ability and desire to listen and to change
· Do not fight against, debate or argue with the feedback. Remember Stephen Covey’s advice: ‘Seek first to understand, not to be understood’. Focus on understanding what you are being told rather than trying to make the other person understand what you mean
· Ask clarifying questions such as “Can you give me an example?” or “What do you mean? Can you tell me what you want using different words?” Show the person that you really want to understand what she or he is trying to tell you
· Practice Active Listening. Focus all your attention on the person who is talking to you. This sounds easy. It isn’t
· Do not reject the feedback simply because you don’t want to listen to it. Few of us naturally want to find out about our weaknesses or shortcomings. Even if the person is wrong, it is her or his perception that has led to this feedback. You must honour that perception
· Acknowledge that giving constructive feedback calls for courage. Do not underestimate the stress that the person giving you feedback may be under during the conversation. Thank them for taking the risk to talk to you
· Receiving feedback can be painful. To feel upset during feedback is normal. Avoid blaming other people for your own feelings. After you have thanked the person or team for their feedback, spend a few minutes reflecting on what you have heard. Decide how much of this feedback you need to accept as valid. Then decide what you are going to do about it. If appropriate, get back to the person who gave you the feedback with your plans for change
Giving feedback effectively will make you a better leader. Receiving feedback graciously will strengthen your relationships.
Bill Templeman is a coach and partner in the Edgework Leadership Group, www.edgeworkonline.com or 705-745-6925
The Art and Science of Giving and Receiving Feedback - To learn more about this author, visit Bill Templeman's Website.
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