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Dealing With Conflicts

Written by: Gary Johnson

Article Overview: "Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another." Ephesians 4:25

Dealing With Conflicts

I am very thankful for the input I have received over the years from those over me. Allow me today to pass on some of their leadership developing insite.

As leaders the way we conduct our relationships must be characterized by integrity, loyalty, compassion and a genuine care for those who work with us and for us.

"May I help you?" seems like an innocent question. But if the person listening senses a threat to their physical well-being, this simple question could become distorted. For example. If a young woman's car breaks down while driving home on a dark provincial road and while she is waiting alone a black car with dark tinted windows stops, the window opens just a crack and the driver asks this same question. The woman because of the circumstances could percieve a threat when no threat is intended.

If our communication is going to be effective we must create a non-threatening environment.

There are times when as a leader you must confront poor performance or wrong behaviour. But to many 'confrontation' means to threaten. But that is incorrect. To confront means 'to bring face the face'. You face the error and deal with it.

Now, some people will feel threatened no matter how careful you may be. They have a persecution complex. So your measure of success as a leader will never be governed by the fact that no one ever took offence at you. You just make sure that you have as the scriptures state, 'clean hands and a pure heart.'

Jesus would always acknowledge the value, contribution and good effort of a person before he would bring correction (Revelation 2:2-4). However, if the only time you compliment someone is just before your bring criticism, that will not produce lasting changes. But if you will consistently praise and reward your staff, when the day comes that you have to correct you will have laid a foundation to bring correction with a minimal threat.

When it is time to confront.

1. Make sure your heart is right: Be aware of your personality weaknesses.

2. Do not be reluctant: You're going to have to confront regularily to get the results you want. It is a part of leadership. However, a leader who finds some kind of reinforcement of his personal value by emphasing the faults of another is just as weak as a person who does not like to confront.

3. Timing: You must have the person's attention - distractions will reduce the effectiveness.

4. Keep control of your emotions: Now that you have their attention do not hit them with every problem you have noticed in their lives over the past six months but have never spoke to them about.

5. Stay Focused: Ask yourself this question. If I only had two minutes with them what would I want them to understand?

6. Use Jesus as your example: Praise their positive contributions.

7. Don't make excuses for having to speak with them: State the problem and listen to what they have to say. Make sure they understand why their behaviour is a problem and why it must be changed. "This must be changed because...1,2,3,.."

On another note. If you cannot come to an agreement then maybe the problem is yours, not theirs.

Once they have changed their behaviour, do NOT bring it up again. If you do not forget about it, even though the person has changed his behaviour in that area, emotionally you will pile up negatives which will give you an unrealistic, inappropriate and unscriptural view of that person.

to be continued...

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  Solving conflicts by changing the game
  Conflict Resolution
  Hidden Costs and Benefits of Conflict Management
  Relationships: Do You Have the Same Conflicts Over and Over?

Article Tags: clean hands, compassion, confrontation, genuine care, heart jesus, innocent question, insite, integrity, loyalty, measure of success, persecution complex, personality, poor performance, provincial road, pure heart, revelation, scriptures, senses, tinted windows, young woman



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