Tweet

Stories Create Our Reality

Guest post by: Dr. Maynard Brusman

Article Overview: Humans are wired to create and tell stories. Our brains continuously look for explanations to the events around us. Whatever we encounter, whether random or planned, forces our minds to impose a chronology and apply cause-and-effect logic.

Stories Create Our Reality

Stories

I taught a self-management class for fifteen years, and work with scores of coaching clients to improve their self-management. One critical insight that I've observed over the years is that the happiest people construct their reality by telling themselves positive stories.

I manage my own life by taking time to reflect on the stories I'm telling myself about people and events. I've learned that by changing my internal narrative and becoming less reactive my personal and business life is more fulfilling. We interact with people and events, but have choice over how we explain our experiences to ourselves and others.

Humans are wired to create and tell stories. Our brains continuously look for explanations to the events around us. Whatever we encounter, whether random or planned, forces our minds to impose a chronology and apply cause-and-effect logic.

"We automatically, and often unconsciously, look for an explanation of why things happen to us, and ‘stuff just happens' is no explanation," according to psychologist Justin Barrett, a senior researcher at Oxford University's Centre for Anthropology & Mind.

We use stories to find meaning amid chaos. This is how we organize and give context to our experiences. Facts are meaningless until we create a story around them. As business consultant Annette Simmons writes in The Story Factor (Basic Books, 2006), "People don't need new facts-they need a new story." In most cases, these stories matter more than what actually happens.

We tell our stories constantly, even when we're unaware of doing so. They reflect issues with our work, family, overall happiness, and personal strengths and weaknesses. Each story has a theme, hero, villain and conflict, and the way we communicate it involves both verbal and nonverbal communication.

Because we alone craft our stories, we may as well make them as inspiring as possible, suggest leadership coach Rosamund Stone Zander and Boston Philharmonic Orchestra Conductor Benjamin Zander, authors of The Art of Possibility (Harvard Business School Press, 2000).

Consequences of Negative Stories

Some of our internal stories are so tragically inaccurate that they lead to stress and burnout:

• "It's a competitive, cutthroat world out there."

• "If I don't look out for No. 1, nobody else will."

• "The world is moving too fast for me these days."

• "I'd love to spend time with my family, but I have to work."

• "If I'm not the first person at work and the last to leave, I'll be viewed as a slacker."

• "I'd exercise and eat better, if only I wasn't so busy."

• "I'm smarter than most people at work, so I don't need to prepare, train or worry."

A USA Today survey reveals that one in six employees is so overworked that he/she doesn't use up allotted annual vacation time (even though Americans receive the fewest vacation days in the industrialized world).

Another survey shows:

• 34% of workers report that they have no downtime at work.

• 32% eat lunch while working.

• 32% never leave the building until they head home.

Are you working in a professional services firm or other organization where executive coaches provide leadership development for emotionally intelligent leaders? Does your organization provide executive coaching to help leaders develop executive presence? Leaders with highly developed executive presence tap into their emotional intelligence and social intelligence skills to fully engage employees and customers.

One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is "What are my faulty stories that I tell myself self over and over again?" Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent organizations provide executive coaching for collaborative leaders who value work/life balance.

Working with a seasoned executive coach and leadership consultant trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-I, CPI 260 and Denison Culture Survey can help you create a culture where all employees are fully engaged and work/life balance is an important value. You can become a leader with executive presence who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become fully engaged with the vision, mission and strategy of your company or law firm.

Related Articles
  Evaluate Traders by Their Stories
  5 Kinds of Stories That Create Our Reality
  Confidence Is Money
  Presentation Secret: Tell a story
  Stories and Stress
  How to be an Inspirational Leader in 3 Steps
  Want to Be A PR Success story? Think Like the Media
  Seven Marketing Myths that Devastate Business
  The Power of PR Make Yourself Newsworthy
  How To Tell Your Story In The Media
  The Awesome Power of Story
  Focus on What You Want Rather Than What You Fear
  A Real Life View of PR
  Success Stories Boost Branding
  The Dirty Little Secret Behind Adding Info-Products to Your Service Business
  4 Sure Fire Ways to Develop A Dynamite Media Pitch
  How To Use the Random Image Module Within Your Joomla Content Management System
  4 (plus one) Sure-Fire Tips to Grab the Media’s Interest
  Find a Need and Fill It
  Selling With Stories

Article Tags: emotional intelligence, executive coching, leadership development, stories



Related Forum Posts
Re: Create your own small business reality show - That's very true. I know I would work harder. But you're right....people like to see other people fail (sad to say) so I'm sure they'd watch it either way. Reality really keeps people interested. I think it's a way for some people to escape their own crazy lives for a while and/or a way to let them know they aren't the only one having a tough time.
Re: Join an inventor's group - This is a great list of inventors groups. Are online inventors meetings. We all try to protect our ideas and therefore are reluctant to talk about about ideas in the development phase in public. I'm interested in inventors Success Stories.
Rich Schefren on Business Systems Video - Bigjim, 1. Create a systemized business 2. build accountability into your team 3. document your processes
Re: Getting Press Coverage - Thanks for those extra tips again Evan. Also don't forget the 'purple cow' theory. Create something truly awesome and unique and people will pay attention, including journalists. I have some off the wall stuff planned for 2010.
Re: 4 Ways to Go From Employee to Entrepreneur - The situation that Wezi describes is more the norm than the exception. I have spoken to many "entrepreneurs-to-be" that have a desire to work for themselves but can't overcome the fear of making that critical leap. The truth of the matter is, if fear is preventing you from moving forward with your own business you need to overcome that fear first. To do this, try this exercise: 1. Write down as many detailed reasons why you are DISSATISFIED with remaining in your job until you retire. E.g., it won't let you achieve the lifestyle you desire; you are sick of commuting an hour each day; etc. 2. Write down in as much detail as possible your VISION of what your life will be like once you have your own business and you are fully engaged in it. Enjoy this step. 3. Create a list of the action steps you need to actually complete to get things rolling. What do you need to do first? Second? Third? Create a step by step plan. These three steps all work together to overcome any resistance you may feel towards making a major change in your career. If after these exercises, you are still too afraid, look at what you have written down. Chances are one of the three forces for change (dissatisfaction, vision, or first steps) are not yet strong enough to overcome your fear. Perhaps, once you really thought about it, things aren't really that bad in your current career, etc.... Hope this helps.


Share this article with your friends. Fund someone's dream.

Leave a comment below or share on the left and you'll help support entrepreneurs in Africa through our partnership with Kiva. Over $50,000 raised and counting - Please keep sharing! Learn more.

Newsletter

Get advice & tips from famous business
owners, new articles by entrepreneur
experts, my latest website updates, &
special sneak peaks at what's to come!

Name:
Email:

Popular Articles

Fear Factors in Small Business: Sales & Marketing

Severance and Separation Agreements

Avoid Burnout: Do the Limbo Regularly

Suggestions

Email us your ideas on how to make our
website more valuable! Thank you Sharon
from Toronto Salsa Lessons / Classes for
your suggestions to make the newsletter
look like the website and profile younger
entrepreneurs like Jennifer Lopez.