Questions not Answers

Questions not Answers

I have said in previous articles that one of my processes is asking BDQ’s  - Bloody Difficult Questions. I think I might have also said that the questions are only difficult if you do not know the answers. But there is a real key here to what it is I do and how I can facilitate change and action. As someone who is normally retained because of the length and breadth of business experience it can sometimes seem strange that I invariably do not offer solutions. Ideas or alternatives yes, answers no. It is very tempting though to tell people what to do and I make great efforts not to do that or couch suggestions as just that.

I was reminded of this recently in a recent mentoring session. One of my clients mentioned that his brother, who had recently joined the business, had asked whether he might meet me. My client told him that it was not what he might expect

“I told him that it would not be what he expected and that talking to you was like talking to a brick wall! You keep pushing it back to me to make the decision!”

I took this as a quite a nice compliment. He also said

 “You have really pushed me into an area outside my comfort zone and made me face up to issues with my father and brother in the business. You helped empower me to address the situation and I now have a much better relationship and control of the situation”

Now I did not push him directly but by instinctively knowing the right questions I made him face up to the reality of the situation. He also asked me a direct question which I was forced to answer honestly and that too helped

But in summary

“Mentoring is not about knowing the right answers but asking the right questions!”