How to Lead with Determination and Still Have Compassion

We keep hearing that the economy is getting better. However, behind closed doors most leaders of companies are still saying "Yeah, that seems to be happening for the other guy, just not me". And then I hear their voices trail off as they quietly comment "When is it really going to change for me".

Some of the executives I confer with have expressed frustration with employees who are getting sick and tired. They say absence is increasing due to colds and people are wary about coming to work concerned that the cough and the sneeze may be carrying the dreaded flu virus.

Heads of companies and senior leaders of teams are concerned that when they ask why projects are running behind schedule the responses are coming from defensiveness and fear. More and more people are playing the "CYA" game and that blaming, judging, and attacking the work of others is on the increase.

So, how can you stay clear and strong about what you need and still show compassion for the stresses and anxiety of today's market place? First, ask yourself the question "How am I giving myself a break"?

Most of the time, when we are excessively hard on ourselves, it has a way of spilling over to everyone around us. Please remember, emotions are an inside out project! When we are positive, that happy feeling has an infectious quality and others will sense it. When we are sad, it too goes into the air for others to literally breathe in. When we are angry, it is in the atmosphere just like a thunderstorm drenches everyone in the area of the rain.

Compassion means giving your self a break. Then you will be more able to listen to your employees and give them a kind word also. Here are ways to be clear and strong with your direct reports, with your directives, yet do it in a way that builds people up rather than sends them off with heads down feeling less than worthwhile.

• Give yourself a break by taking a break! Take a walk, maybe 20 minutes to clear your head. Not able to go outside. Close your office door, turn off the computer, and hold calls. Do this for 20 minutes. Let your mind wander. Think about someone you love and focus on the way you feel when you are with them.
• Smile! Yes, that's right in the quiet of your private time put a smile on your face. Force it if you have to. It's called "fake it till you make it". No, you're not telling a lie or deceiving anyone. You are changing your physiology in a quick and simple manner. Research has shown that when you hold your head up and smile it has a positive impact on your nervous system.
• Put on some music. Listen to music of your choice. Again, remember this is a 20 minute break. That is the amount of time to reset your inner thermostat. Interestingly, research has shown that listening to Mozart has a positive impact. And by the way so does any song by The Beatles. Yet, if Country or Rap is your cup of tea, go for it.
• By the way, a cup of tea is also a plus.
• Also, call a friend, someone who can just listen while you download your own private arsenal of fears and frustrations. All you need is a good listener, not someone who wants to rescue you and solve your problems for you. Think of this like emptying a pitcher. You just want to pour and pour so you now have more room in your life pitcher and can handle the daily stressors without having them spill onto others.
• No one around to talk? Then write it out. Put on paper what you would tell someone who would be your listener. Write it, read it and throw it away.

Once you finish this brief personal retreat (and don't tell me you can't find 20 minutes to recalibrate) you will be able to go to your employees with a renewed ability to support conflict resolution, empower your employees to complete projects, and lead from a place of determination and appreciation.

The best advice you can give them is to follow the suggestions above so they also can handle the daily trials of work challenges with their direct reports and co-workers. Please remember, nothing stays static and external changes in the work environment are helped by making internal changes first. So hold your teacup high and say "Cheers"!