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Leadership Lessons: The "F" Word

Guest post by: Sylvia Lafair

Article Overview: Everyone I know regardless of how high they have risen in an organization can tell stories of foolish, disastrous mistakes that came about from built in biases due to emotions. Studies show that emotions, expectations, social norms, and other invisible seemingly illogical forces shape our reasoning ability.

Leadership Lessons: The "F" Word

Anyone ever tell you "You are so irrational" or maybe "You're so predictable". How about ever hearing "Women are so irrational" and "Men are so logical"? All are true and not true at the same time.

We are often predictable in our seemingly irrational behavior if we know what to look for. In Dan Areley's excellent book "Predictably Irrational" he makes a case for emotions. More and more there are scholarly tomes that point to the vast area of how we feel as the marker for what we do. Another important milestone book is Dan Goleman's "Emotional Intelligence". These breakthrough books have been instrumental in changing the way we think about decision making.

At an offsite I was leading the Senior VP asked to see me privately during one of the breaks. "Sylvia" he said in a frustrated tone "I wish you would stop using the "F" word". I looked at him in disbelief. I had been very appropriate and proper during the morning session "Huh" was all I could initially muster. "You know, you keep asking me how I feel. I haven't a clue! I know what I think. Feelings are not in my scientific mentality." We both started to laugh. When we went back in session I asked him what he thought and he told me how he felt. The difference a word makes.

Everyone I know regardless of how high they have risen in an organization can tell stories of foolish, disastrous mistakes that came about from built in biases due to emotions. Studies show that emotions, expectations, social norms, and other invisible seemingly illogical forces shape our reasoning ability.

Once we begin to explore the profound effects of our emotions on what we want or think we need we can break through to make better decisions. Coupled with an excellent book "Nudge: Improving Decisions about Health, Wealth, and Happiness", "Don't Bring It to Work: Breaking the Family Patterns that Limit Success". They both show the power of emotions and patterns in the decision making process.

Taking the realm of emotions and going one step down into the invisible place ofpatterns gives us so much help in understanding that irrational side of why we do what we do. It is not that our minds play tricks on us; it is that we have not taken the time to look back far enough at how the foundation of decision making is formed.

Patterns are behaviors we repeat and repeat and repeat and ...okay you get the idea. We repeat in different settings with different people and yet we do the same thing and expect different results, what Einstein defined as insanity.

So many times in my executive coaching sessions a bright, competent senior team member will complain about direct reports who are wasting time and limiting progress. Once we begin to connect the dots they are astounded at the fact that those causing the most annoyance are individuals whose patterns of behavior are so similar to a parent or sibling who had annoyed them in the long ago past.

If you are like many of my clients, you're still not convinced that delving into your past is helpful or necessary for best ways to make decisions. Areley and German brain scientist John-Dylan Hayes both show the power of the invisible forces in making decisions. Our unconscious brains are engineering our decisions milliseconds before our conscious brains can get around to them. Hayes states "Our brains make decisions based on emotional and rational assessments that we are not aware of; only later after the decision is actually made, do we explain our decisions and actions to ourselves."

So, take the bull by the horns and begin the process of finding out the why of your decision making process. It's the iceberg theory. The more you can see under the water, the more you can steer a clear course for your own safety and the safety of those you lead.

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Article Tags: Dan Areley, Dan Goleman, Dont Bring It to Work, Emotional Intelligence, Executive Coaching, Nudge, Sylvia Lafair



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