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Leadership Tips: How to Spot Many Forms of Anger

Guest post by: Sylvia Lafair

Article Overview: Did you ever see anyone have a "purple fit"? That's when they bang their fists on a desk, sputter and spew, turn various shades of pink and red and either storm out of the room or demand that someone else make a quick exit. It's pretty easy to spot. If it's a boss you usually suck it up, tell a few friends in a whispered "wait till you hear this" manner. Often it produces some good comedy routines a la Jon Stewart, and then it's back to business as usual.

Leadership Tips: How to Spot Many Forms of Anger

Did you ever see anyone have a "purple fit"? That's when they bang their fists on a desk, sputter and spew, turn various shades of pink and red and either storm out of the room or demand that someone else make a quick exit.

It's pretty easy to spot. If it's a boss you usually suck it up, tell a few friends in a whispered "wait till you hear this" manner. Often it produces some good comedy routines a la Jon Stewart, and then it's back to business as usual.

Then there is the "gotcha" anger. This is more sophisticated. Usually done by someone who grew up with parents who were mean and judging, the kind you could never make happy no matter what. This is a clever colleague who waits until you are fried, out of steam. They then come at you with some comment to make you feel even worse. They do this because you have usually been successful and they are always competing. They could never tell you they are jealous of you so they wait quietly until they can emotionally slam you to the ground.

Next is the anger of denial. These are the co-workers, or siblings who swear up and down they never had anything to do with, well anything. They love to blame, you, him, her, them. They love to spark your anger by siding with you against "those bums" out there who reneged on a promise, stole your creative idea, did a one-up on your project. Deniers feed on other people's anger, yet never, never show their own underlying upset.

That leads to the most devious anger of all; the anger of silence. Do you have a boss, colleague, or romantic partner who pouts? Pouting does not fall in the category of anger, so they say. They are just, well, mildly annoyed. Annoyance is not anger; it is more just a faint-hearted attempt at getting recognition.

Not so! Pay attention to those who seethe in silence. They are the ones who can put a damper on any creative, innovative team collaboration. They are the ones who bring the rain on the sunniest days. Call them on it. Don't think YOU are the problem when they sit with lips clenched. Ask questions, lots of questions.

FOR MANY OF US THIS IS THE DEALIEST FORM OF ANGER. It brings up mothers, most often mothers, who when you would ask if they were mad at you for coming in late, not making your bed, leaving the kitchen a mess, and on and on, would give you the silent treatment and eventually say "No, I'm not angry" while you wait for the punishment you know will be there sooner or later.

Learn to read the variety of angry responses so you can tackle them head on rather than let them take over, screaming, silent, or in the middle, anger is a basic human emotion that can be harnessed, not ignored not dissipated, it can be harnessed, transformed and turned into creative energy.

Which is your basic anger mode? Think about it and see what you can do to use it to your advantage rather than let it sit and stagnate in relationships.

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Article Tags: anger, boss, comedy routines, fists, jon stewart, leadership tips, shades



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