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Stress and the Sales Cycle

Guest post by: Sylvia Lafair

Article Overview: On one hand we are being told that the economy is improving, turning around, doing better. On the other hand we hear our colleagues say that sales are down, services are still being cut back. Jobs are being cut and the jobless rate continues to inch higher. There is the flavor and smell of fear in almost every workplace. If sales are down then what is up? Stress and office conflict are on the increase and the natural tendency to blame and judge is on the rise. Recently a very angry client called me with the following question. Actually, it was more than a question; it was a ten minute rant and rave about injustice and unfairness. It went something like this "He stole my idea. He used my exact words and took all the credit.

Stress and the Sales Cycle

On one hand we are being told that the economy is improving, turning around, doing better. On the other hand we hear our colleagues say that sales are down, services are still being cut back. Jobs are being cut and the jobless rate continues to inch higher. There is the flavor and smell of fear in almost every workplace. If sales are down then what is up? Stress and office conflict are on the increase and the natural tendency to blame and judge is on the rise. Recently a very angry client called me with the following question. Actually, it was more than a question; it was a ten minute rant and rave about injustice and unfairness. It went something like this "He stole my idea. He used my exact words and took all the credit. He sat there smug and smart and became the office hero". I listened until the wave of rage had hit the shore and finally petered out.

It started again as soon as I asked "What do you think you should do about it?"

Later, much, much later we finally were able to talk through the hurt, unfairness, and discounting. Here are the pearls that showed up when this man began to understand where his fury was really coming from. He then developed a plan, no not get revenge, not get even; he developed a plan to get better. Better at what? Better at communicating, better at relating, and better at conflict resolution.

Here are the core aspects of what he learned:

•When stress hits the hot button we are all prone to revert to patterns we learned as children for safety and security.

•We each have a primary pattern that gets set off when someone "pushes our buttons".

•When we begin to "see red" we are often upset with a past incident that has hurt, embarrassment, or sadness at the core.

•When we search for and find the pattern and connect it to the present situation we can make more mature, more positive decisions.

What he learned personally:

•Looked at where he fit in his family and how stressful situations were handled

•Found that he took on the pattern of victim and that his older brother, the super achiever, was always in a one-up position.

•Realized that his older brother always belittled him and made him feel incompetent

•Understood that he was reacting to the super achiever co-worker the same way he used to react to his brother by getting angry and then giving up

What he decided to do:

•Go back before going forward; by having a lunch meeting with his brother simply to talk about how they each saw competition in the childhood home

•Talk about the fact that he had taken on the pattern of the victim when he felt discounted and now was willing to explore new ways of responding.

•Talk with his co-worker from a place of strength rather than weakness.

•Take credit for his work without having to make the issue a wrestling match.

At the next staff meeting he was able to acknowledge his co-worker and say in front of the team "I really appreciated your ideas last week. In fact, that is exactly what I had said to you right before we came into the meeting room. I am glad you thought my ideas were valid and I look forward to having you help me flesh this project out."

Now he was taking charge. He was not the little brother; he was a strong, competent businessman getting his point across without being vindictive or manipulative. Those who were in the room, so I was told, were relieved to see a new balance of power emerging so the team could collaborate in a more productive way.

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Article Tags: colleagues, conflict, economy, hero, jobs, rage, stress



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