The Balance Between Too Controlling and Too Passive

Guest post by: Sylvia Lafair
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The real meaning of leadership - By Sylvia Lafair

Think about how you feel when you hear that someone is a manipulator. Makes you want to pull back, rebel, resist. Is manipulation the same as controlling a situation? Depends upon how much you need to have things go your way. Here is the best advice: be open to outcome, not attached to outcome. Not so easy to do when we really want things to go our way. However, learning to unplug, stay at observation rather than attachment is a high level leadership trait that can get you super far in your business endeavors.

Now, think about someone who is wishy-washy? Would you take advice from them? Actually they rarely have advice to give. They always say things like, "on the other hand, or let me think about it, or I'll have to check this out." This is a trait that keeps people in the procrastination mode and work rarely gets done.

So, what is the place between being controlling and wishy-washy? It is the place of intuition.

We all have the ability to check in with our gut feelings to make decisions. We can all learn to listen to our inner ability to guide us when we have gone to the polar extremes of too muchness or not enoughness.

Here is the way to see if you are stuck in being a control freak or a wimp: there is a radar system in our bodies that makes us feel uncomfortable when we are outside the "zone of success". It is either in the form of a mild to moderate headache, backache, stomachache so pay attention to your body.

When this happens you need to find a few minutes of private and quiet time. Sit with your eyes closed and breathe. That's it. Just do this for, oh, maybe two minutes and then write down without thinking what is making you either overly controlling (fear) or procrastinating (fear).

Get the picture? Fear is what often gives us that belly, back, or head ache. So, write it down and then make a decision to do "it" differently. Once or twice, if you take the time to say "no" to an old pattern it will loosen and you can see the difference almost immediately.

So, go for it. No one likes a controlling colleague or boss and no one likes someone who can't make up their mind. In between is the place to be. Go for it! You can be the leader that everyone will want to emulate.

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The real meaning of leadership - By Sylvia Lafair

About the Author: Sylvia Lafair

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Developing leaders and transforming teams is my speciality. As a clinical psychologist I know that we bring the behaviors we learned in our original organization, the family, into our present work organization. The key to leadership is understanding how individuals form a system and how that system impacts the bottom line. I have worked globally and find that the core of relationships is much the same whether in California, China,or Chile. My book "Don't Bring It to Work (Jossey Bass) offers tools and strategies for developing collaborative work cultures and important core techniques for entrepreneurs to have motivated and fast moving teams. I am a speaker at national conferences, radio, and television. You can follow my blogs at http://www.sylvialafair.com/blog/ . You may contact Sylvia Lafair, PhD, author of "Don't Bring It to Work" directly at, sylvia@ceoptions.com or 570-636-3858 for any questions or feedback you may have.
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The Balance Between Too Controlling and Too Passive

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