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What Does My Family Have to Do With My Work?
| Guest post by: Sylvia Lafair |
Article Overview: If you think you’ve left your family at home when you come to work---well think again. We all bring the roles we played in childhood with us to adulthood. Sometimes they mature but in cases of stress and strife those old behaviors surface again—ever feel like throwing sand at your office buddy? Take a long, hard look at conflict and difficult behavior in the office. Now read on to learn how the situations that offend you remind you of some situations in your past, maybe it’s the annoying colleague who picks on you like your brother or sister. Think about it and notice.
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Free Download - Entrepreneurs and the “Oh! No!” Trap By Sylvia Lafair |
What Does My Family Have to Do With My Work?
When I ask executives about their families, their childhoods, and their pasts, they say “What does that have to do with anything”? The answer, surprisingly, is “Everything”!
Take a long hard look at conflict and difficult behavior in the office --- I mean take a really long hard look--- and you will see how the situations that are offensive remind you of some unpleasant time in the past, or that extremely annoying employee is a carbon copy of your most bothersome younger brother.
Once you understand that people in systems don’t interact with each other in random, disconnected ways; rather they interact in structured ways, just like actors in a very elaborate play. Our behavior tends to be patterned. We take the same route to and from work, sit in the same chairs in meetings, eat our meals at definite times, brush our teeth with the same hand and rarely even change our brand of tooth paste.
Most of us don’t like change. We don’t like the potential disruption that a fundamental change in interpersonal roles might mean. These patterned responses have kept us alive, kept us surviving, kept us safe and since at the root of behavior is survival, we stay the course with what is familiar, even if it does not make us happy.
Problems arise at work when roles we learned as children that served a purpose in our original family system cannot work for us as adults in our work environments. When we are told to “grow up” or to “stop acting like a baby” or “get out of the sandbox”, we know we are back in our childhood world. It is then we better look to see where we have gotten stuck in the past.
By taking the time to understand and work on behavior patterns, you open yourself up to opportunities and ways of being that you never considered before. So, yes, you do bring your family to work, or at least the roles you played that helped you through childhood. Now is the time to look at what worked and what you want to change and stand on the shoulders of the past.
Most of us can transform our patterns and reap the benefits – invigorated relationships, career success, and deep personal happiness – all by coming to terms with our past and owning up to our hidden patterns. So, steel yourself, take a risk, and look those old patterns in the eye and make change happen.
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Article Tags: adulthood, brother, colleague, conflict, family, stress, strife
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About the Author: Sylvia Lafair RSS for Sylvia's articles - Visit Sylvia's website Click here to visit Sylvia's website   Less is Often More Leadership Lessons Listen Up 3 Reasons NO is Best 3 Ways Around Workplace Roadblocks 3 Entrepreneur Coaching Strategies |
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