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Workplace Conflict and Office Politics

Guest post by: Sylvia Lafair

Article Overview: Did you ever want to stuff a sock in the mouth of the guy in the next cubicle who never stops making really bad jokes? And he keeps it up all day! Have you ever clenched your fist and had to walk away from the hot shot who thinks she has all the answers? Ever get frustrated with the level of gossip that keeps going round and round the office like a never ending story? Such frustrations are understandable. Yet, most of us rarely stop long enough to figure out a new way to tackle the problems. Interesting that companies have spent billions of dollars on programs to enhance communication skills and team collaboration, yet interpersonal conflicts and disappointments continue to cause undue stress and upset.

Workplace Conflict and Office Politics

Did you ever want to stuff a sock in the mouth of the guy in the next cubicle who never stops making really bad jokes? And he keeps it up all day! Have you ever clenched your fist and had to walk away from the hot shot who thinks she has all the answers? Ever get frustrated with the level of gossip that keeps going round and round the office like a never ending story? Such frustrations are understandable. Yet, most of us rarely stop long enough to figure out a new way to tackle the problems. Interesting that companies have spent billions of dollars on programs to enhance communication skills and team collaboration, yet interpersonal conflicts and disappointments continue to cause undue stress and upset.

There is a sense that something is missing, yet the "something" is invisible and impossible to find; until now.

Here is the core issue we do not take into consideration; it is an illusion to think that we can separate who we are at work from who we are at home. It is an illusion that has been financially, as well as emotionally, costly.

When we work so hard at work to compartmentalize our thoughts and feelings they will spill over into angry outbursts and hurt feelings no matter how we attempt to camouflage them.

When stress hits the hot button there is a natural tendency to revert to patterns of behavior we learned in our original organization, the family. It was here we learned about fairness, favoritism, cooperation, and competition. It is these patterns, annoying as it may be, that show up at work when we become anxious or unsure of ourselves.

Once we learn to decode the office politics that keep workplace conflict active and time wasting, we can tame the conflicts at work in minutes, not days. All leaders, project managers, and team directors can help diminish the stress and anxiety that are a normal part of unresolved conflict by becoming pattern aware.

It is important to know what and who pushes our buttons; is it the procrastinator who always says "I'll get my part of the project to you tomorrow" and tomorrow never comes, or the avoider who says "gotta go, I have a call I must take now" rather than stay and talk about uncomfortable issues, or the rebel who races into your office with the threat of "I know a powerful lawyer" and is ready to throw the whole company under the bus.

There are common patterns that show up in every work setting like those described above. Initially it is easier to see them on others; eventually we need to look inward and become self aware. That is truly where the rubber meets the road.

It is these ingrained patterns that cause the most difficult conflicts that last the longest. You see, patterns like the martyr, pleaser, denier, super achiever and such were developed when we were still in diapers and they were there for our security and survival as kids.

There are three main steps for becoming aware of patterns, yours and those you lead and collaborate with, which help to diminish the length of time and the depth of distress in any conflict situation. This is the way OUT:

1. Observe your behavior to name the patterns and change begins immediately

2. Understand where they began and change is deeper and long lasting

3. Transform patterns to their positive opposite and you inspire others

Here is the good/bad news all wrapped together. You can never leave home without your family patterns. Yet, please remember that not all patterns are negative; in fact some like altruism, resilience, and courage are meant to be maintained. What all workplace conflict resolution programs need to include is a way to harness and refine how behavior patterns play out at work so everyone can achieve optimal results.

Work, the place we go to so much of our lives is where we can grow and learn about ourselves, interpersonal relationships, and how to turn conflict into creative collaboration.

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Article Tags: frustrations, gossip, office politics, team collaboration, undue stress



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