BOOK REVIEW: Quiet Leadership: Six Steps to Transforming Performance at Work (By David Rock, HarperCollins Publishers, 2006, ISBN #978-0-06-083590-3)

“We make the unconscious assumption that the other person’s brain works the same as ours. So we input their problem into our brain, see the connections our brain would make to solve this problem and spit out the solution that would work for us.”

• Our performance depends upon our behavior which is guided by our emotions which are triggered when our thoughts (beliefs, habits, memories, assumptions, etc.) interact with certain situations in our daily life.
• We all have developed neural pathways–circuits, wiring–which connect a vast array of information into subconscious patterns (Rock calls them “maps”) that direct our habitual responses to most situations. Over the years these pathways become deeply entrenched.
• It is much easier to develop new pathways in our neural circuitry than to try to eliminate or alter existing ones.
• The instant we get a new idea or see a new possibility or a solution to a problem, we experience a rush of energy. For at least a brief time, we are highly motivated to do something related to it. If we don’t promptly act, write down or talk about actions we will take, our enthusiasm rapidly fades.
• Positive acknowledgement and feedback from others has a powerful effect on the development of new pathways, or, put it another way, successfully changed behavior.

1. Focus on their thinking process, rather than their problem, itself.
2. Help them apply their own neural connections to the problem and come up with a solution that works for them. When this occurs, they become energized.

• the details of the problem
• our own filters around what is right and possible
• our own agenda (e.g. our need for them to solve their problem)
• our own hot buttons, emotional triggers that stop us from being an objective support

1. Ask permission when you, as the coach, want to move the conversation to a deeper, possibly more unsettling level for the individual. For example, “You said you were a bit testy in your reply to the committee. Can I ask you a bit more about what prompted your reaction?”
2. Placement: Define (i.e. pre-warn) what you want the conversation to be about and the context of the comments you will be making. Again, an example, “Bill, I want to clarify what the initial expectations were of both you and the committee members and then look at some alternative ways you could have handled their questions.”
3. Ask questions to get them thinking and to probe their thinking, vs. learning the details. One question might be, “How strongly would you like to clear this issue up with the committee?”
4. Finally, clarify, based on your impressions, what they seem actually to be saying, what they are trying to say, the feelings behind their words, and so forth. More than just mirroring back what you heard them say, you summarize your intuitive impression, such as, “It sounds like you are really ready to sit down with them and have a dialogue.”