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Effective Listening: Part 2

Guest post by: Patrick T. Malone

Article Overview: In part one we discussed the role of emotion in decision making and made the case that effective leaders listen to HOW people say things rather than WHAT they say. This certainly compounds the challenge of being an effective listener given that the words and logic seem to play only a minor role. So what you need is a tool you can use to identify a person’s level of involvement in the decision making process. So let me start with the least involved and work our way up to the most involved.

Effective Listening: Part 2

In part one we discussed the role of emotion in decision making and made the case that effective leaders listen to HOW people say things rather than WHAT they say. This certainly compounds the challenge of being an effective listener given that the words and logic seem to play only a minor role. So what you need is a tool you can use to identify a person's level of involvement in the decision making process. So let me start with the least involved and work our way up to the most involved.

Apathetic Agnes is indifferent to your idea. Look for these non-verbal clues - lack of interest, low energy, little or no eye contact, unresponsive, pessimistic, monotone, uncaring or the lack of any reaction at all.

Whining Winnie is always the first to complain. Look for these non-verbal clues - low energy, sighing, apologetic, tired, slow movements, sees only failures or extreme negative exaggerations.

Risky Rita is always trying to avoid taking a position. Look for these non-verbal clues - indecisive, unsure, hesitant, nervous, fidgety, withdrawn, shy, poor eye contact, short attention span, apprehensive or always looking to postpone deciding.

Hostile Harriett is always trying to stop the conversation and flow of information. Look for these non-verbal clues - raise voice, ruthless, biting, righteous, intolerant, blames, threatens, controlling or uses profanity to intimidate.

Skeptical Sally is always challenging the idea on the table. Look for these non-verbal clues - expresses doubt, contests, debates, argues, forceful, aggressive, unbelieving, win/lose, yes/but, probably born in Missouri (the Show Me State ) or disguised as the "devil's advocate".

That in a nutshell is the Negative gang. Remember this

1.) no one expresses all of those non-verbal clues all of the time so you must be a keen observer

2.) these emotions are not necessarily bad and

3.) all of these negative points of view are momentary.

No one is always indifferent, whining, apprehensive, hostile or skeptical so be careful about characterizing people. Even when they are feeling one of these emotions, it is still possible to influence them to higher more motivated points of view.

So let's move to those who are more involved.

Neutral Nellie is willing to listen to you and look at your proposal. When people are open to your idea you will see these non-verbal clues - relaxed, amicable, polite, casual, pleasant, friendly, laid-back and interested but not intense.

Studious Stephanie wants to study, analyze and/or review your idea. When people are reserved and in study mode you will see these non-verbal clues - Positive, pleasant, reflective, analytical, conservative, mildly interested, balancing pluses and minuses, and reserved.

Interested Ida has reviewed your idea and is interested in getting more specific information. When people are interested they are - involved, high energy, questioning, good eye contact, cooperative, constructive, pays full attention, considerate and willing to share ideas.

Enthused Ethel is beyond study and interest. She likes the idea and is imagining the implementation, operation and outcomes. She will display these non-verbal clues - smiling, laughing, high energy, faster speech, eagerness and enthusiasm.

Confident Connie has become a co-owner of your idea and is committed to seeing it through to completion. She will display these non-verbal clues - positive, calm, relaxed, decisive, assertive convinced and in complete self-control.

So now you have the complete cast of characters you are likely to encounter as a leader. I would strongly urge you to practice identifying each of these characters as you work through your busy day. In a very short time these will become second nature to you and you will have significantly enhanced your leadership ability.

Next time we will show you the very best way to engage your audience when you are trying to influence and gain followers to a given course of action.

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Article Tags: decision making process, effective listener, emotion, logic



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