Effective Listening Skills

"I listen fine. It's everyone else who has a problem." Unknown, unsuccessful, entrepreneur

One of the cardinal rules of business is listen to your customers and most businesses hear their customers. However, only a few successfully interpret what their customers are saying. So the issue is not listening to "hear" but listening to "understand".

The first step is an awareness of how people make business decisions. For the longest time business decision making was considered to be different than any other form of decision making. Business decision making was thought to involve the processing of information in a logical, emotion-free environment to obtain the correct answer which always maximized the cost-benefit payout.

It wasn't until the early 70's and the work of Herb Simon, a professor at Carnegie Mellon University, that the misconception was corrected. Simon clearly pointed out that business decisions are impacted by the facts, our logical side, AND how we feel about those facts, our emotional side. In fact as the decision grows in importance the more emotion dominates that the process. It is the overlap of these two spheres of influence that create an attitude. That attitude produces a choice. So business decision making is the pursuit of that which gives us the greatest level of confidence.

Consider your choice of a laptop computer for your business. You probably compared the technical aspects of a number of laptops. Which one did you choose? You bought the one that you felt confident was right for your business and that confidence is the ultimate emotion.

The second step then is an awareness of how people communicate their decisions. Start by considering communication to have a value of 100%. When we communicate in person how much of that 100% is in the words we choose to use? Most people believe 30-50% of our communication is in our words and yet behavioral scientists tell us it is actually less than 10%. The bulk, 90+%, is in our voice and our body language.

Most moms will tell you that their infant cries differently when they are hungry, sleepy or need their diaper changed. When my mother used to call me in from playing outside, I knew just by the way she said "Patrick" whether the request was urgent or I had 10 more minutes of play.

So successful communication requires that we pay more attention to "how" things are said rather than "what" is said. When we pay attention to the "how" the "what" becomes clearer. So what you need is a tool you can use to identify a person's level of involvement in the decision making process. So let me start with the least involved and work our way up to the most involved.

Apathetic Agnes is indifferent to your idea. Look for these non-verbal clues - lack of interest, low energy, little or no eye contact, unresponsive, pessimistic, monotone, uncaring or the lack of any reaction at all.

Whining William is always the first to complain. Look for these non-verbal clues - low energy, sighing, apologetic, tired, slow movements, sees only failures or extreme negative exaggerations.

Risky Roy is always trying to avoid taking a position. Look for these non-verbal clues - indecisive, unsure, hesitant, nervous, fidgety, withdrawn, shy, poor eye contact, short attention span, apprehensive or always looking to postpone deciding.

Hostile Harriett is always trying to stop the conversation and flow of information. Look for these non-verbal clues - raise voice, ruthless, biting, righteous, intolerant, blames, threatens, controlling or uses profanity to intimidate.

Skeptical Sally is always challenging the idea on the table. Look for these non-verbal clues - expresses doubt, contests, debates, argues, forceful, aggressive, unbelieving, win/lose, yes/but, probably born in Missouri (the Show Me State) or the devil's advocate.

That in a nutshell is the Negative gang. Remember this

1.) no one expresses all of those non-verbal clues all of the time so you must be a keen observer

2.) these emotions are not necessarily bad and

3.) all of these negative points of view are momentary.

No one is always indifferent, whining, apprehensive, hostile or skeptical so be careful about characterizing people. Even when they are feeling one of these emotions, it is still possible to influence them to higher more motivated points of view.

So let's move to those who are more involved.

Neutral Nelson is willing to listen to you and look at your proposal. When people are open to your idea you will see these non-verbal clues - relaxed, amicable, polite, casual, pleasant, friendly, laid-back and interested but not intense.

Studious Stephanie wants to study, analyze and/or review your idea. When people are reserved and in study mode you will see these non-verbal clues - Positive, pleasant, reflective, analytical, conservative, mildly interested, balancing pluses and minuses, and reserved.

Interested Ida has reviewed your idea and is interested in getting more specific information. When people are interested they are - involved, high energy, questioning, good eye contact, cooperative, constructive, pays full attention, considerate and willing to share ideas.

Enthused Ed is beyond study and interest. She likes the idea and is imagining the implementation, operation and outcomes. She will display these non-verbal clues - smiling, laughing, high energy, faster speech, eagerness and enthusiasm.

Confident Connie has become a co-owner of your idea and is committed to seeing it through to completion. She will display these non-verbal clues - positive, calm, relaxed, decisive, assertive convinced and in complete self-control.

So now you have the complete cast of characters you are likely to encounter as a leader. I would strongly urge you to practice identifying each of these characters as you work through your busy day. In a very short time these will become second nature to you and you will have significantly enhanced your listening skills and as a result your leadership ability