Tweet

Relationships and Marriage: Finding Your True Love A Perceptual Styles Perspective

Guest post by: Lynda-Ross Vega

Article Overview: There are six distinct Perceptual Styles that determine the ways that different people see the world, what they value, and how they communicate. This article addresses the question: How does the Perceptual Styles Theory apply to romantic partnerships?

Relationships and Marriage: Finding Your True Love A Perceptual Styles Perspective

There’s no one factor or theory that can fully explain why, how, and with whom we fall in love, but the Perceptual Styles Theory (PST) can help individuals understand the challenges we’re likely to face in different types of relationships. This perspective can be invaluable in predicting communication issues, and in smoothing out issues when they do arise.

There are four basic Perceptual Style (PS) experiences in love, based on couples whose styles are the same, neighboring, one-off, and opposite:

1. Birds of a feather flock together

2. Since we’re neighbors, lets be friends

3. Opposites attract.

4. I understand the words you are speaking, but I have no idea what you mean.

In Part 1 of this article series, my partner Gary described the issues typical of the first two types of couples. In this article, we’ll explore the second two.

Opposites attract

For each PS there is a direct opposite, and each has opposite views of the world. Opposites attract because our perception of the world is, by nature, incomplete. Individuals with opposite styles are often attracted to one another because they provide each other with a sense of completeness. Being with someone who does easily and well what you struggle to do with mediocre results can be an exhilarating experience. The problem is that after a while, their inability to do it your way becomes a problem.

I have a close friend whose PS is Methods, while her husband’s is Activity. She wants to have a plan and a schedule and know exactly where they are going before they start out. He, on the other hand, dives into things head first and figures them out as he goes. Both of these approaches work, but neither is the best in all situations.

What are the issues? He sometimes wishes she would just once be spontaneous, and she wishes he would do a little more planning and pay attention to detail. Fortunately for them, they work on balancing their approaches and have come to an agreement on the situations in which each of them takes the lead. They focus on giving each other space to be who they are in their marriage—they don’t spend time trying to change each other.

The tricky thing about opposites is that what first attracts you—and what you feel is so complimentary because it fills a need you have—can quickly turn into what drives you crazy. If neither party is willing to give, this can turn ugly fast. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can’t change your partner’s PS, so the challenge is imply to appreciate them for what they do and love them for who they are.

I understand the words you are speaking, but I have no idea what they mean

When a PS is not identical to yours, nor is it a direct neighbor or an opposite style, we call it a ‘one-off.’ Every PS has two styles that are one-off, and relationships between two people these styles can often be stormy and unpredictable—habitual modes of interaction don’t work, attempts at humor fall flat, perspectives are at odds, and explanations or descriptions of the same event are likely to be strikingly different.

So what draws people into ‘one-off’ relationships? Usually it is a shared interest or activity—you both love singing and meet in a community chorus, you both play tennis and meet at tennis lessons, you both love to watch football, etc.

One-offs can be attractive initially because they are so different from you that they seem exotic and fascinating. But as soon as the initial fascination wanes, it is really very hard to find a common ground to build a relationship on. In all the years we’ve been using PST in coaching, we’ve never known a couple with one-off styles to stay in a lasting relationship.

Does that mean it’s impossible? Probably not—but if you can’t find common ground in your relationship (or if you feel like you are in relationship with someone from a different planet), it’s best to be advised that it’s going to take a whole lot of work on the part of both you and your partner to keep your relationship together.

Related Articles
  My Way or the Highway: The Power of Perception
  Business and Communication: Almost, but Not Quite
  Relationships and Marriage: A Perceptual Styles Perspective
  Business and Creativity: It’s Not Just for Artists!
  Behavioral Science and the 6 Universal Categories of Perceptual Style
  Psychology and Leadership: What Does Your Style Say about You?
  Why Don't "They" See Things the Way I Do? How Perceptual Style Theory Helps Us Understand Social Differences
  Teamwork and Psychology: Insights from 30+ Years of Business Coaching
  Relationships and Communication: Sender vs. Receiver
  How to Follow a Path with Heart For Greater Life Success
  Business and Relationships: Change Your Words, Change Your World
  Business Development: Perceptual Styles Theory in Action
  How Perceptual Style Determines Our Natural Skills and Abilities
  Perceptual Style Expert Provides Strategies for Conversations that Work
  Communication Styles in the Workplace: Goals vs. Flow
  I’m Right, You’re Wrong: Behavioral Science Explains Away This Universal Belief
  Psychology and Leadership: Flow and Goals
  Psychology and Leadership: Activity and Methods
  Personal Growth: How Are Your Resolutions Holding Up?
  Take Off the Blinders! Coaching Based on Perceptual Style

Article Tags: marriage, Perceptual Styles, psychology, relationships
Referred by: http://www.MichelePW.com



Related Forum Posts
Funny one liners! - Hi there, There are people who are very good in telling One Liners. Here is one: Originality is the art of concealing your sources. or another one: Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence. I wonder if some has some more to make us laugh? Regards Beat
Diamonds vs. squares - True True - I put on 10 pounds after eating sliced cheese that was endorsed by a wrestler when I was a kid... A diamond shreddie is a lot cheaper than LeBron James - LOL!
Re: Web Idea - Hi Som, Welcome aboard. Almost everything that I can add is already mentioned by the ever-active, respected members of the Forum. But I would like to bring it to your attention that whenever we have our idea and nurture it for long, it becomes something like our baby and we are all possessive about that. True. Now the question is that as we are mostly possessive of our idea how far can we go about it? I mean, you say your idea is fresh as morning coffee. True to you but have you researched and actually tried to find out the feasibility part of it? I have also been a programmer and as such I feel that many of the ideas that we have generally look seemingly better in book but when it comes to reality, there is a difference. So I would recommend you to re-consider the idea. Not as Som but as someone who is a client of the idea. Please step into the shoes and find out whether you would go for the product as a client! If yes, then lets start with doing a market research and the follow up with the other formalities. Reason being that its getting late and the Coffee may lose its freshness! Good Luck,
Re: Quote of the Day - Oprah - Love it - thanks GT!
Re: Quote of the Day - "Failure is a word I don't accept." - Joh - Love that one - thanks GT!


Share this article with your friends. Fund someone's dream.

Leave a comment below or share on the left and you'll help support entrepreneurs in Africa through our partnership with Kiva. Over $50,000 raised and counting - Please keep sharing! Learn more.

Newsletter

Get advice & tips from famous business
owners, new articles by entrepreneur
experts, my latest website updates, &
special sneak peaks at what's to come!

Name:
Email:

Popular Articles

Smart & Simple Internet Techniques

Selling On Ebay The Good The Bad And The Ugly

Are You Listening?

Suggestions

Email us your ideas on how to make our
website more valuable! Thank you Sharon
from Toronto Salsa Lessons / Classes for
your suggestions to make the newsletter
look like the website and profile younger
entrepreneurs like Jennifer Lopez.