Tweet

Acting Like Adults

Written by: Robert Whipple

Article Overview: It is not uncommon to hear someone say, "People at work act like children most of the time." This is because in the pressure cooker of the working world, the behaviors of people get on each other's nerves, and they tend to regress back to the kind of playground rules that kept society in order when they were children. this does not wear well in an adult atmosphere, so what can we do about it?

Acting Like Adults

I am a big fan of documenting expected behaviors for a team. Reasons: 1) expectations are clearly stated, which improves performance and 2) it is easier to call out members who are not abiding by the rules.

Every team should spend time upfront to construct and document rules of behavior and engagement. Here is an example set of rules one of my teams came up with that helped us perform well over several years.

• When in conflict we will try to see the situation from the other's perspective

• We will not leave our meetings with "silent nos"

• We will listen to each other but not beat dead horses (80/20 rule)

• We will build an environment of trust

• We will work together on a finite number of common goals

• We will be more inclined to ask for and offer help

The team that created this set of rules was a high performing group of mature managers.

In many offices and teams, there is an additional rule that would be most helpful. That is

• We will try to remember we are all adults and act that way most of the time.

It seems so simple, yet all of us have witnessed adults acting like children at work. If you have not seen this, check your pulse - you may be dead! The problem is that when we get into petty squabbles, the real issues are deeper than the symptoms that are driving us nuts on the surface. So those childlike behaviors come out all over the office.

Operating in close quarters, human beings have a remarkable talent for driving each other crazy. This problem is ubiquitous, no demographic is exempt from this kind of bad behavior. You can find petty squabbles and childish actions on the part of lawyers, doctors, construction workers, bellhops, auto mechanics, ballet dancers, rock bands, people on assembly lines, farmers, office workers, top managers, etc..

If you observe a typical work environment for just a couple days, you will see ample evidence of all the aberrant behaviors grade school teachers witness every day in the class room and on the playground. Here are a few examples you will quickly recognize.

Being selfish - Kids like to hog the remote control. Well, so do adults (and don't deny it). At work, the idea is to cooperate and give as much or more than you get, but since equity is in the eye of the beholder most people have the perpetual feeling they are doing more than their fair share. They put up with it for a while, but eventually the perceived inequity flares beyond the tolerance limit and fights erupt.

Whining - Oh boy, is that ever common in the working world. You would think some people are living in a prison camp the way they moan and cry about everything that is not up to their personal liking. We had a sign in one of my work areas that had a big red circle with a line through it and the word "Whining" in the center. The "no whining" symbol was actually useful in many cases. When people are called for whining, they tend to do less of it. Some offices have Olympic quality whiners. They need to be called on it.

Shouting or grandstanding - Sometimes the level of yelling in the workplace is amazing. In school, bullies find out that most kids do not have the courage to stand up to them when they bluster. It is a great trick to be able to out shout the competition and often get your way. Supervisors in many organizations have a habit of using a tone of voice that people interpret as yelling. I often find that word to be hard to define because it really is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes a supervisor will be accused of yelling at an employee when he has not raised his voice at all. So, "yelling" does not always mean shouting, but it can mean that. I know one supervisor who really does yell at people - loudly. This kind of approach has no place in the working world, in my opinion, but there is still some debate.

There was an article in the Harvard Business Review indicating that for large scale change or innovation initiatives, a healthy dose of dissent is necessary. For example, it is said that Bill Gates and Steve Ballmer were famous for yelling at people. In my book on Trust, I share a cute story about Jack Welch. "One former GE executive who had been dressed down by Welch for daring to question his boss, admitted to the moderator of an Aspen Institute Seminar that Welch's furious tirade ‘caused me to soil my pants.' " I think most of us would agree the bully approach is most often working at cross purposes to the organization's best interest. Short term it may get compliance, but it destroys motivation.

Hitting - I guess this is not so often seen in the working world, but I have actually witnessed it in rare situations. Usually the hitting is with words rather than fists, but sometimes cat fights do erupt that involve pushing and shoving or an occasional slap in the face. Sometimes there is a type of sexual harassment that goes along with the physical contact sports being played by the children at work.

Sulking - This is so common that you will recognize it immediately. Watch for it whenever someone is called out for another one of the child like behaviors. The person will sulk and mope about for days because his or her ego has been bruised. This childlike behavior occurs because people just do not know what else to do, so they hang their head and sigh deeply that the world is so unfair.

Passive Aggression - We see this all the time when people do not feel motivated to do their work. They will go into a "Flight Controller Slowdown" and do only exactly what they are told to do. Then they will sit and wait for more instructions. It is a way to get even for the sins done unto them by the big bad bosses. Kids do this to try to get out of doing their homework or eating their vegetables. Adults practice it to punish those in control. It is exactly the same driving force.

Getting even- Back stabbing or in some way paying back an individual or group for some perceived wrong doing only serves to escalate the hostility. The easiest way to witness this is in the e-mail grenades that go back and forth in every office in the world. Each time a note comes from the other person, the situation becomes graver and additional top brass are copied on the note until the final string becomes really laughable. It is the exact equivalent of a food fight in the Junior High School cafeteria. It gets messy very fast. The antidote is so simple. Don't take the bait!

There are probably dozens of other childlike behaviors you can witness every day in the working world. I think having a rule that indicates we are going to try to avoid this kind of thing is a good defense that can work. There needs to be a highly visible effort to act like adults and not resort to immature tactics to get our way. When you set that expectation as a leader, it flushes out the individuals who like to practice these techniques and they are far less disruptive. Soon the embarrassment of the whole thing forces the perpetrators to grow up and join the adult working world. Try it, and see if it helps improve things in your place of work.

Related Articles
  Develop your talents even if bored
  People Experiencing Green Fatigue
  When An Hour Counts
  The Myth of the Adult
  Don\'t Have a Facebook Business Page? Why You Must Suck It Up & Create Your Facebook Business Page Today

Article Tags: adult, behaviors, culture, Leadership, success, trust, values



Related Forum Posts
Actress Sarita Chou - I've subscribed to the Ladies Who Launch newsletter, and share their feature articles here. However, there's lots more on offer at Ladies Who Launch so I suggest you also subscribe... Meet Sarita Choudhury Interview The voice on the audio book of Jhumpa Lahiri's The Namesake belongs to Sarita Choudhury. Suspended without visual cues, Choudhury's proper English narration belies the actress's rich cultural background. Her Bengali mother and British father married in Jamaica but her primary education took place in Italy and Canada. Her career was launched when she costarred with Denzel Washington in Mira Nair's film Mississippi Masala. Choudhury's gone on to portray a number of exotic, if troubled, women including a Chilean maid, a lesbian mother, and a Pakistani country-western singer. But Hollywood is as famous for its films as it is for its cutthroat competitive culture. It's a crazy soup of idol worshipers, egomaniacs, high rollers, taboo-breakers, and dreamers of every stripe all stirred up together. Throughout her career, Choudhury has remained true to herself and relatively unscathed. She's made the most of the experience while standing solidly on the ground -- priorities in place and gaze steady toward the future. Acting boot camp I spent a year touring the world with Declan Donolan and his theater company Cheek By Jowl. For the first six months I wasn't very good, but Declan didn't care. He taught me how to learn from my mistakes. It was the hardest training I've ever had. When I got a little better I could see him smiling with me. It was really fun. I think he changed everything for me. When I left the theater and got back into film I felt like I had a real base. It's funny how the image of show business is so bad. Truthfully I only meet supportive people. Even if it's a bit fake sometimes, it definitely always feels supportive. The big time Denzel Washington had just got the Oscar for Glory and he was a big star but it was new to him, so it was kind of charming. I was so beside myself working with him (on Mississippi Masala). I was just so shy. He used to say to the director "Do you think she's ever going to speak?" and still I wouldn't. But I had no problem when the camera was rolling. That's how I knew I loved acting. It was just like - I couldn't be at all outside of that. The underrated art of listening Being part of many cultures I think has made me very open to other people. But when I first came to University in North America I met many people who, if I mentioned that I grew up in Rome, would respond by saying "I've been to Rome" and they'd proceed to tell me all about their experience. But they would never ask me a thing. And so I thought "How do people learn?" I think if you meet great people you often find that they ask many questions and they listen. When I meet a great teacher or a great mentor, I find that they know so much because they listen. They have nothing to defend, nothing to prove. When I walk into an audition I really look at everyone and smile. Then I just sit down and listen to what they have to say - I don't just launch into my own thing. Finding a mentor I saw Mira Nair's early documentary work and recognized that she had a very strong voice. Then I discovered that she was also doing feature films in Mumbai. I felt a connection to her. I'd gone from studying arts theory and criticism to acting. There was something familiar in her transition from documentary to features. And of course she was an Indian and living outside of India. Here was a role model that really fit. My feelings towards her work were so strong that it seemed very natural for me to reach out to her. Like most things if you really feel that connection, it gives you the courage to reach out to that person. Resilience and rejection Oh my God, rejection happens all the time. But if I don't hear back from the agency I don't ask why. I don't really want to know. I mean, unless I've done something outrageous. But in general there's so many reasons why you don't get a role that I'm used to it now. I am sure I've made a complete fool of myself. And the thing is... you keep going. Every rejection is heartbreak. The trick with acting is that you have to really fall in love with a role to do it well so then if you don't get it, it hurts. You have to get thick-skinned but not so thick-skinned that you lose your sensitivity. Actors have to have access to their emotions. It's a fine line. On acting I tend to go for one thing only. When I look into my interviews from the time of my first film, they seem like pretentious. But what was interesting about those interviews, people would ask me - "Do you want to direct, do you want to write?" and I'd always say, "No, I just want to act." I'm still like that now. I would always pursue acting over anything else. A woman of the world I think that if you don't travel, you get brainwashed. Travel is so important. You must see things for yourself. The more you witness, especially internationally, the more you're able to judge as opposed to just showing off. With travel and a lot of reading definitely comes an open mind. Instinct = shine I think we all have instincts. You might see someone walking down the street and they just look great -- what they wear seems right for them, and yet it wouldn't be right for you. When people really go for their instincts, they shine. Happiness is success I'm lucky enough to work and live in New York City. But I don't work all the time. If I lived in LA, I'd work much more. Often people ask me why I don't move to LA. They ask if I'm scared of success and I say no, not at all, I love success, I'm not scared of success a bit. But I just feel happier in New York and that is a form of success. I think true success is really about being happy. I go to yoga, which is all about getting to a point where you are just naturally in a state of happiness. And I thought wow; people have to work to get to this place, because life is so stressful nowadays. Ruling the world It's shocking that women haven't ruled the world. In a way they do. I mean, it depends on what world you're looking at. There are so many -- the world of children, the world of the heart. Women are already so successful that you want to say, "Don't change what you're doing. Just know that if it makes you happy, it works." This Featured Lady was profiled by Noa Jones, a writer based in New York City.


Share this article with your friends. Fund someone's dream.

Leave a comment below or share on the left and you'll help support entrepreneurs in Africa through our partnership with Kiva. Over $50,000 raised and counting - Please keep sharing! Learn more.

Tweet

Newsletter

Get advice & tips from famous business
owners, new articles by entrepreneur
experts, my latest website updates, &
special sneak peaks at what's to come!

Name:
Email:

Popular Articles

SEO – Link Building Secrets

Bootstrapping Your Start Up Business.

What is Give Back Marketing?

Suggestions

Email us your ideas on how to make our
website more valuable! Thank you Sharon
from Toronto Salsa Lessons / Classes for
your suggestions to make the newsletter
look like the website and profile younger
entrepreneurs like Jennifer Lopez.