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E-Mail Tip # 28 - Being Flexible

Guest post by: Robert Whipple

Article Overview: Flexibility and good judgment are important in e-mail exchanges just as they are in face to face discussions. This article outlines some interesting aspects about being flexible and gives some examples.

E-Mail Tip # 28 - Being Flexible

Most of the serious e-mail we receive comes from people we already know. There is a background resulting from numerous communications in the past, both electronic and otherwise, so we are preconditioned before we begin an e-mail exchange. Being mindful of this can help reduce e-mail misunderstandings, but there is a huge caveat. Even though we know people well, we are not able to anticipate their exact emotions as they write. We can only guess, and guessing is dangerous.

If you have an associate who likes to bluster and complain, it can be annoying, but you can use that knowledge when reading his or her e-body language. An example will clarify this.

There is a situation regarding Elvira, an impatient customer service representative who works for Paul. In this scenario, Paul is a "typical" boss who gives direct feedback and is not overly careful with wording. Elvira wrote a brief note to Paul that Hank, one of his best customers, called her to gripe about the color balance in a picture just as she was leaving for vacation. She was annoyed because Hank wanted to chat, and she was in an overload situation. Hank picked up that she was upset, and he felt slighted.

After Paul had a chance meeting with Hank at a luncheon the following week, he wrote the following note to Elvira:

• "Hi Elvira. I saw Hank at the Squire Luncheon today. He said that when he called last week, you seemed to jump to the conclusion his problem was too much density rather than a bad color balance. He didn't have time to fully explain the symptom before you cut him off and offered the solution. He said you sounded rushed and upset. When you are working with customers, make sure you hear the entire message before trying to solve their problem."

Elvira responds immediately to Paul's note as follows:

• "There you go again, making an assumption that I was upset about Hank's phone call. I only said that he picked a poor time to call, just as I was trying to leave for vacation. He is a valuable customer, and I always take the time to understand the needs of the customer. He has had this problem with our color balance before, so I knew exactly how to handle it. No harm, no foul with respect to Hank, but I just wish you would not jump to the conclusion that I am being insensitive to customer needs when that is, in fact, not true."

Knowing Elvira is extremely defensive and prone to bluster, Paul could read this note with that filter. She is not as angry as her note implies; she just needed to blow off some steam, and Paul's note to her could have been more politic as well. In this case, Elvira does need some seasoning on how to deal with angry customers, but e-mail coaching is not going to be an effective solution for her. Paul should meet with her.

What if Elvira is not usually an edgy person? Suppose she is normally a jovial lady who rarely complains and usually takes any input with an attitude of gratitude. Rereading the note from Elvira above, the body language is completely different. It is incongruent with what Paul already knows about Elvira. His direct note may have done some serious damage to his relationship with her, and he needs a personal discussion to understand what is going on.

Just as you interpret messages from others through the filter of your predisposition, so others read your e-mails based on how they perceive you. Your reputation and all previous communications form a matrix into which all future correspondence will be placed, but you are not the same person every time you send out an e-mail. Sometimes you just need to blow off steam, and your messages at that time should not be taken too literally.

I remember an H. Martin cartoon that showed an administrative person on the phone. In the background, you can see a manager sitting at his desk, with an angry expression on his face. Both of his arms are outstretched and his hands are clutching many crumpled pieces of paper. The caption reads, "I'm sorry, but Mr. Smithers can't come to the phone right now; he's out of his gourd."

We are all out of our gourds at times, yet in e-mail correspondence, there is no outward way to know that. We cannot see the flared nostrils and the popping veins in the temples. We cannot detect the crumpled papers. A key skill in reading e-body language is detecting when Smithers is out of his gourd.

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Article Tags: email, Flexibility, trust leadership



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