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E-Mail Tip #19 - Tone within Questions

Guest post by: Robert Whipple

Article Overview: The use of questions in e-mail is a good way to get information or lobby for your cause. There are many different types of questions and their use gets very specific. This article goes into the issue of questions in e-mail and how to make them work well for you.

E-Mail Tip #19 - Tone within Questions

Watch the Tone of Your Questions

Some questions are helpful and others can cause unwanted reactions. To keep your questions on the positive side, understand your intent. If your question is a leading one intended to trap your unwitting subject into a no-win situation, it is likely to backfire. For example, you might write:

• "Did you intend to miss the meeting and leave us stranded?"

That question will likely draw a defensive or angry response from the reader. A slightly softer version would sound like this,

• "We missed you at the meeting. Is everything OK with you? We needed to call for a ride home."

You will do better with questions if there is no hidden agenda except to obtain information. You are more likely to draw a constructive response with:

• "What happened yesterday? We were really worried about you when you did not attend the meeting and we could not reach you on your cell phone. Missing a meeting is not like you, and I hope everything is OK. Next time something comes up, please let us know so we won't worry and we can arrange for another ride home in advance. To keep you up to date, here is a short synopsis of the meeting..."

When proofreading your notes, be particularly alert to questions that have hooks in them. You will recognize them yourself if you do a careful scan of questions when proofreading. See if you can reword these time bombs before they go off in your reader's computer.

Different Types of Questions

What is an innocent question? Webster defines "innocent" using words like 1) without sin, 2) not guilty, and 3) harmless. If you go into a local jailhouse, even on death row, a significant portion of the inmates will say they are innocent, meaning, "I didn't do it." In that context, it means "not guilty." In reality, there is a big difference between being innocent and being not guilty. For example, O.J. Simpson was found "not guilty" of murder by a jury. I suspect there are few people who believe he is actually innocent. When we ask innocent questions of each other, we are invoking the "harmless" part of Webster's definition. An innocent question is one brought out of naiveté: searching for enlightenment. There is no hidden agenda or malice.

There is no rancor or irony. It is a simple and pure inquiry in the pursuit of information.

In e-mail dialog, writers ask questions for all kinds of reasons, and many of them are not innocent. When the reader answers, "It is not appropriate for me to comment on that," the original writer will say, "I was only asking an innocent question." We can get insight into the e-body language from the form or context of questions. Here are some examples of questions separated by type.

Innocent questions are normally harmless. The writer is in a quandary and does not know the answer. The reader is being asked for information. There are no hidden agendas in these questions. They are also rarely inflammatory and do not make trust withdrawals, but they may be annoying, depending on their quantity and frequency.

• "Which shipping method should we specify?"

• "I am puzzled by his approach; can you figure it out?"

• "Which pages were we supposed to read for the next class?"

Rhetorical questions are really statements of advocacy that do not seek an answer. The answers are already obvious. Here the writer wants to appear strong by making it difficult for you to disagree. Any rhetorical question can be recast as a statement with no change of meaning. In the third example below, the writer could have said, "I can't imagine a more sorry sight."

• "Wouldn't you agree, conduct like that cannot be tolerated in our factory?"

• "He can't be serious. Is there no justice?"

• "Can you imagine a more sorry sight?"

Leading questions are typically used in the Socratic Method as described in the next section. In questions like this, the writers usually believe they have the correct answers and want the reader to commit to a position before revealing their own.

• "Can you understand how he could have come to that conclusion?"

• "Is it possible she forgot all about the meeting?"

• "Can we figure out how to improve sales this month?"

Recruiting questions seek assistance. They are not looking for information or clarification, they are asking for help.

• "I cannot figure out the best approach; can you help?"

• "Will you help Mark with his homework tonight?"

• "Can you cover for me at the workshop next Tuesday?"

Hypothetical questions come from a "what if" mentality. What-if questions are good for potential problem analysis, but they become tedious and annoying if overused. One of my favorite quotations about questions is by George Carlin: "What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

• "What if we cannot get it corrected in time?"

• "What if there are no takers? Should we pack up and go home?"

• "Can we survive another layoff?"

Digging questions are common in troublesome e-mails. They have a tinge of sarcasm, and they are directed squarely at the reader. Note the presence of the dangerous word "you" in each of these examples. The writer is talking down to the reader, but doing it in the form of a question. One way to recognize a digging question is when you could add the words, "you idiot" at the end of the question and not change its meaning. In fact, that is how the reader will interpret questions like this.

• "Do you always have to bring that up just when we are making progress?"

• "Why can't you understand it is not her fault?"

• "Is it too much to ask for some assistance from you?"

Inflammatory questions are clearly out of line. In each case, the writer is angry and is seeking to put the reader down. There is nothing subtle about the meaning of these questions: they are meant to be destructive, and they succeed. You can recognize these questions because you could add the words "I'm outraged!" before each one of them without changing the meaning or impact.

• "When are you going to learn to keep out of other people's business?"

• "What right do you have to call me lazy?"

• "Who appointed you king?"

You can gain insight by going back to your "sent items" file and call up a dozen notes to find out the kinds of questions you ask in e-mails. It is also easy to scan all outgoing future notes to ensure that questions are truly "innocent," or at least not too inflammatory. Be particularly vigilant for use of the word "you" in questions. It is a danger sign. The art of asking good questions is a skill that can enhance your career and build trust.

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Article Tags: email, leadership, Questions, socratic, trust



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