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E-mail Tip #25 - Watch for Changes in E-Body Language

Guest post by: Robert Whipple

Article Overview: There is a weath of information in between the lines in e-mails. This is a kind of body language. However, just as in physical body language, to be valid, one must look for changes in body language. This article explains why and how to interpret the changes.

E-mail Tip #25 - Watch for Changes in E-Body Language

When reading human body language, the experts advise us to consider changes in actions to be the most relevant. For example, pulling on the ear lobe is supposed to be a sign that the person is eager to hear more, but it may not be the case at all for a person who has a habit of pulling his ear lobe. If someone who rarely does this suddenly starts yanking on his ear lobe, it could be a significant signal of body language or just a random itch.

Changes in body language are used by top lawyers to understand things that other participants in a trial may not comprehend. A good lawyer will have an expert on body language sit immediately behind her during the entire trial. This person's only function is to scan the body language of people: the opposing lawyer, the witness, the judge, the jury, just about everyone in the courtroom. When there is a change in body language, this analyst will write a brief note to the lawyer and discretely hand it to her. Typical notes might read like this:

• The witness started rubbing his nose when the prosecutor was asking him about the uncle. I believe he was lying when he said he had not seen him at all that day.

• The judge is starting to drum his fingers. He is impatient. You had better go quickly on your rebuttal.

• The second juror from the left is not buying the argument about the broken glass. He was twitching all during that discussion, but calmed down afterward. That's how I know it wasn't just that he needed a bio break. I also saw him roll his eyes just a bit. You should work on this doubt during your summary.

• Notice how the prosecutor closed his notebook and folded his hands on top of it when you started asking about the ring. Something is up, and he is hiding something on this. Bore in and find out why he got so nervous all of a sudden.

• You came on too strong with the last two questions. Never point your finger at the witness when you are just fishing. I'll bet the prosecutor is wondering if you are trying to lead the discussion away from the tire tracks. Expect him to come after your witness on this during the next round.

You cannot hide your body language, even if you are an expert. However, the more you know about it, the better equipped you will be to control the signals you send out. The same logic applies in the world of cyberspace.

Great lawyers study body language and human nature to the point where they do not need an independent advisor. They take in all the signals, process them accurately, and modify their behavior to optimize results. That skill is why a top lawyer earns 10 to 20 times the hourly rate of the President of the United States. In your world, the ability to do this online should enhance your earning power. Unfortunately, I cannot promise you 10 times what the president makes, *smiles sheepishly*, but here are some concrete ideas:

• Pay attention. The e-signals are there in every message, but few people take the time to dig for meaning. Be alert when you read an e-mail. Remember the words of Woody Allen, "eighty percent of success in life is showing up." If you read notes mechanically in order to comply with the need to be current, you will miss the rich tapestry of language going on between the words. You will grasp only a tiny fraction of the available information.

• Notice changes in communication patterns: either a more stern or urgent voice, an accusatory tone, a rushed message, an overly wordy response, a very formal reply, timing differences, or no response when one is expected. These are clues that something may be going on, but you will need to do more detective work before you can understand it.

• Watch for the interplay between individuals within the community. It can give you valuable insight about the politics and power structure of the group, especially if the informal organization is more powerful than the formal organization. This situation is often the case when real work is done in spite of the formal organization rather than because of it. For example, in many organizations, the most powerful person is the administrative assistant to the big boss. The boss has positional power, but nothing happens in the organization without the administrative person directing it in some way.

• Be a responsible citizen online. Do your share of communicating and do not overreact when things get tense.

• Help people understand. A wealth of information stares at people from between the lines of the e-mails they read every day. Teach other people how to decode this information.

• Read your own work carefully. Be sure the e-body language you are sending out is consistent with your intentions.

• When there is doubt, change modes. If there is confusion going on in a thread of notes, it is best to stop the string and call the other person or arrange for a chat. If the train of communication is off the track, don't keep trying to plow forward; it won't work. Stop and shift to a different form of communication.

• When others become abusive, help shape better behavior. Just as in face-to face communications, each party needs to keep the interplay positive and constructive. Be alert if you are getting into a cesspool of rancor and take corrective action early.

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Article Tags: Body Lnguage, Email, Leadership, trust



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