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E-mail Tip #35 - Don't Communicate Through a Third Party

Guest post by: Robert Whipple

Article Overview: Some people try to get messages to other people through a third party. This practice is dangerous at best. You need to be direct in online communications to avoid all kinds of problems. This article explains the dynamics.

E-mail Tip #35 - Don't Communicate Through a Third Party

Whenever passing information or instructions by e-mail, it is important to communicate specifically to your intended audience and not depend on others to forward the message.

Communicating efficiently on the internet is difficult enough when you contact your reader directly. If you rely on a third party to forward the information, you are on very shaky ground. You cannot expect other people to represent your case accurately, even if they are just forwarding your own words. Notes can be lost or sent out too late to be effective. Your surrogate might insert a preface note that undermines the whole premise of your message. Channeling messages through a third person can also raise convoluted legal issues.

Sometimes you might be tempted to send a message through a third party because you are afraid to send it directly. People do this all the time in face-to-face communication.

• Louis is a troubled employee who needs to stop his highly abrasive behavior and threats to other employees. You are afraid to tell him this yourself, so you mention it in a conversation with his brother, Bob, who also works in your area. You are confident that Bob will deliver the message to Louis in a way that is safer for everyone (including yourself) than if you tried to deliver it yourself.

• Sally does not want to complain to Marge about her overly loud telephone conversations, so she tells Betty, who is very close to Marge. Sally knows Betty can find a tactful way to tell her.

You recognize the pattern, because it goes on all the time, even between parents and children. Without the practice of third party communication, the soap operas would have a lot less material for their dramas.

The tendency to enroll a surrogate to deliver painful or delicate news is no different in cyberspace.

• You write a note to John with information about Steve. You know for sure that John will forward the message to Steve, so all is well. No, all is not well. John may decide to be discrete and not forward your message. Now you have a big problem. You believe Steve received the message, but he did not. Or, John may forward your message to Steve, but also to Ann and George. You are not aware that Ann and George have this information.

It can become convoluted, just like a soap opera. The best practice is to send messages directly to your intended reader.

There are times when it is impossible to send notes directly. You may have a chain of command that has the required distribution for each level, or you may not know the address of another person and need your message to be forwarded. In these cases, be explicit with your request to pass on your message unaltered and do some spot-checking to see that your instructions are followed.

Whenever you send an e-mail, there is an inherent loss of control of the distribution. Do not exacerbate the problem by trying to communicate through a surrogate. The temptation to get a third party involved is most evident when one party is touchy and may overreact to information. It is always a challenge to send a note to an individual who may become irate. In any e-mail communication, you need to use a lot of diplomacy. Use good judgment. Many times it is better to deal with the person face to face or on the phone rather than rely on e-mail.

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Article Tags: communication, email, Indirect, leadership, online, trust



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