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Overuse of the Pronoun I

Guest post by: Robert Whipple

Article Overview: Have you noticed that the over use of the pronoun "I" can lead to all kinds of difficulties. Many people who have this habit do not even realize they are doing it, nor do they comprehend the damage that is done to relationships. This article shines a spotlight on this fascinating area and offers some guidelines to prevent problems.

Overuse of the Pronoun I

The pronoun "I" can be a dangerous word if overused in any form of communication. It signals the speaker or writer is overly concerned about him or herself. In speaking, it can lead to people zoning out, but the problem in writing, particularly online, can be a real trust buster. I have noticed this in teams of people working in the virtual world.

I work with teams all the time and coach short-lived virtual groups who are working on projects even though they have never met personally. In these groups, it is important for people to get off to a great start and build trust quickly. Unfortunately, when one or more members over use the pronoun "I," it can signal a rocky start for the team and often leads to damage control later on.

Let's look at a first note from a student in an online class addressing a new team.

"I am glad to meet all of you. I hope we can get started on the team charter quickly as I am the kind of student who likes to work ahead of the schedule. I recommend we finish our charter by Friday night so I can take the weekend to edit it and prepare for submission. I will volunteer to hand in the charter when it is due. I hope you all don't mind me being forward like this, but I have found if I start out strong things often fall into place more easily for the entire team."

Granted this is a bit extreme, but there have actually been cases where a team member, with the very best of intentions, sends out a note like this. What is wrong with it? Well, the writer used the pronoun "I" 9 times in a short paragraph. She comes across as pushy and highly self centered. The paragraph is all about her, what she wants, what she thinks, how she likes to operate, what she intends to do, etc.

When other students on the team read this opening note, some of them will be glad because it signals they can goof off and get away with it, because someone else is taking all the initiative. A more common reaction is one of "Who died and left you the Queen of our team"? Even if not consciously upset, many of the team members will be wary of this individual and not have a lot of trust in her. A common retort from another student might be:

"Hi, it is good to meet you. It is nice that you are stepping up with a plan for our team, but don't you think we should all have some input on how we approach this first assignment? We have not decided on you as the leader of this team."

Now, of course, the first person is mortified and often tends to get defensive, so a small battle is already raging, and we have only seen two notes from this team. After a start like this, it can take a few weeks of coaching to get all the feathers back in the right position. If a class is only 5-6 weeks long, it really hurts the overall effectiveness of this team.

The antidote to this is to coach people upfront to cut back on the use of "I," especially when trust has not yet been established. A good first note might read like this:

"It is a pleasure being assigned to work with all of you on this team. Let's discuss what we would like to do as a path forward as we need to construct a Team Charter this week. Do any of you have suggestions or ideas to offer?"

Notice how this note still assumes some level of initiative and command, but it would not offend anyone. Reason: there is not a single "I" in the note. It allows the group to get off the dime well, but with no aggravation.

I do not recommend total abstinence of the use of "I," after all, most online notes are written in the first person. If you tried to write notes in the second or third person, you would sound terribly stilted or like a lunatic. If you can limit your use to one per sentence, that is a great start. Personally, I try to use the pronoun only once in any sentence and have a significant percentage of sentences where the pronoun is not used at all.

Given some bad habits in the past, it is necessary to cull out some use of the pronoun when proofreading a note. Typically, it is possible to remove over half of the pronouns from notes and not sacrifice any content. (As an example, the previous sentence might have originally read, "I have found that I can delete over half of the times I use the pronoun in any sentence without loss of meaning." See how easy it was to edit out each "I"?)

If you simply count the number of times you use the word in a typical note, making special note of the number of times you use it more than once in a single sentence, you can improve your writing and sound far less egotistical.

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Article Tags: Communication, email, online, teams, trust, virtual



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