Yelling Telling and Selling

Guest post by: Robert Whipple
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Situational Transparency - By Robert Whipple

Sometimes my wife complains that I am "yelling" at her. Perhaps sometimes I actually do raise my voice, but most times when she says that, I have been talking rationally with a normal tone of voice only the topic was some kind of disagreement or complaint on my part.

Why would she identify this behavior as yelling? I think when someone is hearing something unpleasant, it often comes across as far more menacing than was intended. Probably in the listener's mind the decibel level is truly elevated even if it objectively is not. I do admit there are rare occasions where I will lose self control and raise my voice. My wife does that to me as well. I think there is an element of human nature in an occasional outburst.

The issue at work is that often there are many witnesses so a raised voice is noticed by many people simultaneously. Of course, there are the bull-in-a-china-shop supervisors who rule by intimidation. They actually do "yell" at people to get their attention and feel it is a good technique for managing people. The problem is that the bull really does not realize there is china around at all. The bull is just being a bull, but the china gets broken anyway.

The obvious antidote is to turn down the volume from yelling to telling. This means softening the voice to take the accusatory edge off the tone and make the communication more matter of fact. It is a good idea to pause and take a deep breath when tempted to yell and just think about the impact. It is often enough time to reframe the information in a more positive way. Taking a deep breath is also a calming influence on the body, so it really helps prevent an unfortunate outburst.

A further improvement is to move from telling to selling. This is where you look for a win-win solution that makes all parties glad of the compromise. Then you are in the envious position of convincing the employee that it is in his or her best interest to modify the behavior. Now you are both on the same side, and can have a rational and helpful discussion. Employees who are approached by this technique are far more willing to listen and really hear the message.

When an employee does not have to be defensive, he or she can think clearly and absorb information more accurately, so the supervisor who practices "WOO" which stands for Winning Others Over has the advantage of people more willingly following critical instructions. Try the selling approach to communication more often. Usually it works wonders.

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Situational Transparency - By Robert Whipple

About the Author: Robert Whipple

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Robert Whipple is CEO of Leadergrow Incorporated, an organization dedicated to development of leaders. He has spoken on leadership topics and the development of trust in numerous venues across the country. He is author of three leadership books: The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, and Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind. His ability to communicate pragmatic approaches to building Trust in an entertaining and motivational format has won him top ranking wherever he speaks. Audiences relate to his material enthusiastically because it is simple, yet profound. His work has earned him the popular title of The TRUST Ambassador. Mr. Whipple has been published in several Leadership and Training journals including Leadership Excellence Magazine and T+D Training + Development Journal. He is a frequent contributor to The Rochester Business Journal. He has been named one of the top 50 thought leaders on the topic of leadership development by Leadership Excellence Magazine and one of the top 100 Thought Leaders on Trustworthy Business Practices by Trust Across America. Mr. Whipple has a BSME, MSChE, MBA and is a Certified Professional in Learning and Performance (CPLP). Contact at www.leadergrow.com or 585-392-7763
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