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Giving Feedback: do the old rules apply?

Guest post by: Douglas Long

Article Overview: In today's world it is increasingly clear that respect has to be earned: it is not automatically given. In today's world it is increasingly clear that authority can quickly be lost if the person giving feedback makes a mistake - and the almost instant availability of information by phone or internet makes it almost certain that any such errors will be quickly discovered (and if the person giving feedback isn't respected or hasn't engaged with the people involved then the probability of someone actively seeking out errors is high.)

Giving Feedback: do the old rules apply?

An organisation with a long and proud history of service to the community is experiencing change. One of the key issues being confronted relates to the giving and receiving of feedback to younger people. They have been finding that their traditional ways of doing this need changing.

Feedback is interesting. When I play golf I receive feedback on my stroke immediately after the club head hits the ball and I continue to get additional feedback until the ball stops. Of course I can't change anything at that point but the process gives information that enables me to make future decisions as to whether or not I should make some changes in my stance, in my swing, in my club choice, etc. In the workplace there are some situations like that but, in a vast number of instances, it is necessary for other people to provide the feedback that will allow a person to decide what if any changes in behaviour are necessary.

The issue then becomes one of how this feedback is given.

In the societal approaches of the past, this wasn't really a problem - which doesn't mean that it was done well - because those more senior to you in an organisation were generally heeded some attention when they spoke. Until relatively recently, most societies had a world view that said if you were older or in a more senior position then you were to receive respect and your authority was not to be questioned.

Let me explain.

Up to about the 1960's (and still today in many parts of the world) the dominant societal approaches centred on either obedience or conformance. There was a sense of hierarchy into which everyone fitted and, in the main, people accepted that those in authority and/or those who were older and more experienced were to be listened to and obeyed. In this world such authority figures as parents, teachers, police officers, managers, etc had considerable power through the use of punishment and/or the giving or withholding of rewards such as increased access to information, promotion, remuneration, etc. For those who were considered to have blatantly contravened these standards (such as unmarried mothers) significant social stigma was common - especially if the person involved was not from an influential stratum of society. Most of those who had such authority felt themselves to be either superior to the rest or responsible (in the sense of making rules and legislation that were designed to save people from themselves) for the rest.

In this world feedback, when it was given, was easy. As an authority figure you didn't have to explain "why" (although many did): all you had to do was to state "what". You didn't have to be concerned for how the other party felt or would feel (although many were): the only thing of importance was getting your message across so that things would be done when you wanted, how you wanted, where you wanted, and by whom you wanted. In military terms, the issue was not "jump when I tell you to": it was "when I say jump, continue in an upward direction until I tell you to stop".

During the 1960's things started to change. The advent of advances such as the contraceptive pill reduced the likelihood of unwanted pregnancy (although it didn't remove it) and a youth society (at least for white people in Australia, New Zealand, and North America was experiencing an economic boom and had largely come out of post second world war austerity) found that it had the means to explore new places and experiences. This freedom was further enhanced by the rapid development of air travel and renewed awareness of philosophies and practices from "the mysterious east" - encouraged, of course, by the pop culture and pop heroes.

When to this mix, is added during and since the 1980's, the rapid rise of personal computers and the internet, social networking sites, etc an even more volatile society results. This is the society in which we live today. Although most of the power brokers today - our politicians and senior business, religious and societal leaders - come out of a world in which obedience or compliance impacted significantly on their basic philosophies and approach to life, the generation born since the mid 70's sees things differently - and they demand different treatment.

In today's world it is increasingly clear that respect has to be earned: it is not automatically given. In today's world it is increasingly clear that authority can quickly be lost if the person giving feedback makes a mistake - and the almost instant availability of information by phone or internet makes it almost certain that any such errors will be quickly discovered (and if the person giving feedback isn't respected or hasn't engaged with the people involved then the probability of someone actively seeking out errors is high.)

This means that, as a supervisor, manager, leader, or as a parent when your children approach and are in their teenage years, you need a different approach to giving feedback. You need to learn to facilitate engagement of people with both what they do and with you as a person. Its not easy.

I believe that, today, there are 3 key behaviours required in order to facilitate engagement and to optimise the probability of feedback being positively received and acted upon:

1. Powerful questioning.

Powerful questions are those questions that trigger the right responses because they:

• focus on the other person and their thinking, not the detail in the issue or problem
• are clear of any attitudes and beliefs of the questioner
• are easy to understand
• provide useful (rather than interesting) answers

These are not easy questions to ask because they are not our default way of questioning. In the past society's approach to questioning has been so that the questioner can make a decision or a judgment or so that the questioner can resolve the issue or problem being faced. In a basically hierarchical society predicated on obedience or convenience such approaches were possible (even if often unsuccessful) but that is no longer the case. Now those in authority (at least in most of the western world) face the very real probability of overt criticism and loss of respect and authority if their decisions or "solutions" are wrong.

Powerful questioning creates a totally different situation for the person to whom feedback is being given. It says to the other person: "I may not be happy with what you have done, but I respect you as a person and therefore I want to work with you in order to resolve this issue."

In my experience this is the sort of questioning that elicits a totally different response and which can lead to real behaviour change and significant growth in both parties.

2. Observational listening

Observational listening has the purpose of reflecting back to the speaker what you see and hear. This shifts the leader's attention away from internal processing (e.g. analysis, judgement and assumptions) - i.e. away from the leader's own thinking - to what is actually happening within the other person's brain processes.

While powerful questioning may be a new skill for many people, observational listening has been around for many years under such guises as reflective listening etc. It is listening that picks up both verbals and non verbals then ensures the speaker understand that the full import of what they are saying is being heard.

3. Optimistic listening

Optimistic listening is another different sort of approach and, again, it is a change from our default. Optimistic listening is listening with the belief that the answer will emerge from the speaker. This focuses the attention of the leader to the other person's thinking - because, ultimately, that is the only way to solve a behavioural problem.

This form of listening shows the speaker that the leader genuinely believes in him or her and wants to help the speaker grow and develop.

The combination of observational listening and optimistic listening enables the leader to engage the other party in developing and implementing any solution. It effectively removes hierarchical imbalance and creates an atmosphere in which multiple viewpoints can be provided and in which both issue/problem analysis and resolution are team based.

The impact this has on the giving and receiving of feedback is immense. It is abundantly clear that authentic and strong attention on another and for them is the underlying social mechanism that triggers engagement. As all the research shows, when people are engaged both with activities and those people around them, productivity improves in all areas.

As I stated above, using these 3 behaviours in order to improve the giving and receiving or feedback is not easy. They place considerable responsibility on the leader to be in "the blue zone" (see The Brain of a Leader, Leadership And Neuroscience, etc).

The good news is that every leader can learn how to use these and that repeated use will bring about a situation in which they become you default way of providing feedback that is valued and acted upon.

Related Articles
  Help Me Keith: My Feedback Makes People Defensive!
  How Appetizing Is Your Feedback? (How to Motivate Your Team with Positive Communication)
  How To Give Effective Feedback
  The Rules Apply
  Five Feedback Rules For Great Coaching

Article Tags: blue zone, coaching, effective leadership, giving feedback, leadership, mentoring, personal growth



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