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... and start all over again!

Guest post by: Douglas Long

Article Overview: For every entrepreneur who eventually attains wealth and power, there are many more who, in the eyes of the world, are either only moderately “successful” or who are considered “losers” because no matter what they do, they seem to only ever be disappointed. Over the years I have spent much time (and money) in working with this second group of people - helping them regain confidence and enable them to “pick yourself up, brush yourself down, and start all over again”

... and start all over again!

“Failure is a word I don't accept” – John Johnson

Johnson was a “self made man” in the USA who became one of the first Afro Americans to establish a major international business. He attributed his success to the fact that he never allowed external circumstances to dictate how he should feel, think, or act. He saw issues and problems as something to be overcome rather than as things that would destroy him.

The many things I remember from my childhood include a ditty from a movie called, I think, “I love Melville”. It went “Life has its funny little ups and downs, downs and ups, ups and downs” and gave me the impression that its always important to get up and try again after any fall. Those childhood memories also include the words, from I think, another movie “pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and start all over again.”

The end of any year is a time for reflection.

All of us have experienced many things during 2010. Some of these have been the ‘highs’ that we wanted – happy moments and times we consider the successes of the year. For many people these ‘highs’ vastly outnumber the ‘lows’ and, for some, may even mean that the ‘lows’ are forgotten. That’s a nice position to be in.

But for others, right now the ‘lows’ dominate. Just yesterday I was talking to a woman in her 40’s who, very early in the conversation made the comment that she had recently buried a teenage son. I can hardly imagine what this woman and her family must be feeling. Last Friday I heard that a friend from earlier years had lost his business and his home because of international economic factors. I know he will be devastated but making contact with him in order to provide support is proving difficult. Aged in his early 60’s, he’s going to find it hard to start again.

These are extremes. Fortunately most of us won’t have experienced things as devastating as this. But no matter what we have experienced - whether it is the ‘highs’ or the ‘lows’ – the critical thing is how we respond to it.

From my own experience, sometimes it seems as though it is easier to pick yourself up after a really significant “low” than it is after a whole series of smaller “lows”. It’s a bit like the “boiled frog syndrome” – when the temperature rises slowly the cumulative effect isn’t noticed in time to do something about it, but when the temperature rises suddenly the frog escapes and survives.

There are myriad stories about business people experiencing failure after failure but then finally succeeding. These are generally (and rightly) used to illustrate both the need for persistence and the need to learn from experience. They are great stories and we all need to be reminded of them from time to time. In many ways these people are like the frog introduced to hot water – they react in time to start all over again.

But what of the people who try and try yet never quite “make it”? From watching such people and from talking with them, it is clear that they have learned from past experience – they seldom, if ever, make the same mistake twice. Yet the success that they crave continues to elude them. It is easy for these people to be like the frog that remains blissfully unaware of the temperature change – their confidence is gradually sapped and, eventually they give up because they no longer believe they can succeed.

For every entrepreneur who eventually attains wealth and power, there are many more who, in the eyes of the world, are either only moderately “successful” or who are considered “losers” because no matter what they do, they seem to only ever be disappointed.

Over the years I have spent much time (and money) in working with this second group of people. In helping them regain confidence and enable them to “pick yourself up, brush yourself down, and start all over again” I have found the following to be of benefit:

1. Set your own definition for success. Don’t be seduced into thinking definitions of success that centre on making money, attaining power, improving social status, etc are the only measures of success. In fact, for countless hundreds of people I have interviewed, these are simply optional “extras” – a bit like “and would you like fries with that?”

2. Know your limitations. While physically we have growth limitations, our minds are capable of almost limitless growth. Recognise that most of the limitations we experience are self-imposed because we have failed to let our minds grow. Most fears are chimeras yet we allow them to control us because our brains are locked into the default state of “red” in which fear (perhaps of failure or, more frequently, of success) restricts our ability. Learn how to move your brain’s locus of control to the blue zone of confidence and creativity.

3. “to thine own self be true”. The words of Shakespeare in “Hamlet” are of enduring worth. Don’t allow the criticism, ridicule, negativity, gossip, etc of other people to become your measure of self-worth. Listen to what others say, evaluate it, apply any relevant learning that you may obtain, then move on. The important thing is that, when you look in the mirror each morning, you see a person with whom you can live.

4. Develop your own support system. I don’t mean “surround yourself with sycophants who will echo your sentiments and utterances.” Surround yourself with strong people you trust – people with whom you can share your thoughts and plans and who, in return, will give you frank and fearless feedback. Develop strong relationships with these people and meet with them regularly.

5. Be wary of experts – even me! There is a very real place for professional advice and support, but recognise that, as a general rule, the quality of advice you receive is dependent upon the quality of the questions you ask and the degree of disclosure you are prepared to make. Ultimately you, and only you, are responsible for your actions – others may make suggestions and provide recommendations, but you are the one who must decide the degree of compatibility of such input with your own values and purposes and it is you who bears the responsibility for any consequences. Just because you read something in some magazine, report, article, blog, etc doesn’t make it gospel. Just because something works for others, doesn’t mean it will necessarily work for you. Be especially wary of those who give you some prescriptive way by which to ensure “success”.

6. Ensure balance in your life. Despite the behaviour of some who give the impression that one must work 168 hours every week if one is to achieve one’s dreams, the fact is that everyone needs time and space in which their mind and their body can renew themselves. You need time to think. You need time to refresh. You need time to clear your head so that you can face existing and new issues with a mind that is open to all possibilities. Take time every day ‘to smell the roses’.

And, as Henry Ford is reputed as saying, if you believe you can or if you believe you can’t, either way you are right.

For many of those with whom I have worked, as they have applied these 6 maxims, they have come to believe again that they “can.” And if you really believe you “can” then, as John Johnson said, “Failure is a word I don't accept”

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Article Tags: Blue Zone, entrepreneurship, Henry Ford, John Johnson, recreation, Red Zone, Renewal, success



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