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Are You Talking to Me? Rx for Extraverts and Introverts

Guest post by: Bruna Martinuzzi

Article Overview: Are you an introverted or extraverted leader? This preference has an impact on your communication style. This article provides practical tips for improving communication for both groups.

Are You Talking to Me? Rx for Extraverts and Introverts

George Bernard Shaw said: “The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has occurred.” Nowhere is this statement more applicable than when considering the issue of introverts and extraverts communicating in the workplace. Each of these two solitudes faces particular challenges and the entire communication process can be emotionally draining for both groups.

In a recent workshop on team building for managers, I separated the participants into two groups: introverts and extraverts and asked each group to tell the other what is the one thing that they find irritating about communicating with the opposite group. The extraverts quickly said: “When we talk to you, you often seem aloof and non-committed.” The introverts, after some quiet deliberation, said: “We do have opinions. But it is hard to express them because you don’t stop talking long enough to listen carefully.” While these statements were made good-naturedly and in jest, there is much truth behind these mutual perceptions.

Popularized by psychologist Carl Jung, and the Myers-Briggs personality assessment, extraversion and introversion refer to two opposite preferences (not to be confused with skills or abilities) regarding where we primarily like to focus our attention: extraverts tend to focus their attention preferably on the outer world of people and things; introverts tend to focus their attention on the inner world of thoughts and impressions. Ultimately, it has to do with where we primarily derive our psychic energy from. Having said this, it goes without saying that we all use both preferences at least some of the time even though we will naturally prefer one over the other.

Contrary to widely circulated myths, introverts are in the majority. In Introvert Power: Why Your Hidden Life is Your Inner Strength, Laurie Helgoe, Ph.D., cites recent studies putting introverts at 57% and extraverts at 43% of the U.S. population, up from a 1998 study, showing introverts at 50.7% of the U.S. population. Neither is superior to the other — and heterogeneity leads to enhanced team performance, provided both groups make an effort to understand each other’s communication code. Following are some pointers for emotionally-intelligent communication:

Tips for Extraverted Leaders:

1. Be concise. Every gift, taken to extreme, can be a liability: understand that while you are invigorated by talking, are energized by interruptions and enjoy thinking out loud, taken to the extreme, this may be experienced as overbearing and overpowering.
   
   
2. Circulate information ahead of a meeting. Provide as much written information as is feasible before a meeting so that introverted team members have a chance to reflect on the material in order to give you their best thinking.
   
   
3. Don’t expect immediate decisions. Understand that pressuring introverted team members to come up with a decision on the spot may likely result in a decision that they don’t fully buy-in. The time you saved upfront will come to haunt you downstream.
   
   
4. Allow silence its moment. A common complaint of introverts about extraverts is about their listening skills, in particular, their rush to fill the silence. Practice self-management by valuing pauses which allow the real conversation to be heard. To that end, watch Tom Peters’ provocative video clip on strategic listening and see if you are an 18 second manager.
   
   
5. Don’t wait for introverts to offer opinions. Instead, ask them. Introverts generally dislike having the light shining on them. Know when it is more fruitful to meet one-on-one rather than in a public forum.
   
   
6. Respect introverts’ need for privacy. Practicing good social awareness skills entails understanding that extended extraverted activities can be draining for introverts. The American Journal of Psychiatry reported on a fascinating study showing that introversion (as well as extraversion) may be hardwired and controlled by certain neurotransmitters: introverts, unlike extraverts, have a low tolerance for dopamine, a transmitter linked to thrill seeking, which increases their need for time alone. An explanation of these research findings can be found in The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World.
   
   

Tips for Introverted Leaders:

1. Give visual clues when listening. While introverts are often better listeners, their expressions may sometimes give the impression that they lack interest or involvement in the topic being discussed. At the extreme, they may even inadvertently appear to dislike the speaker. Remedy this with simple things like a nod, a smile and leaning forward — micro gestures that go a long way to signal to others that they are indeed being heard.
   
   
2. Invest time to raise your comfort level for public speaking. If public speaking ranks among one of your top dreads, resolve to conquer this. Developing the ability to stand up in front of an audience to deliver an engaging presentation is a strategic imperative. Lee Iacocca once said: “You can have brilliant ideas, but if you can't get them across, your ideas won't get you anywhere.” Develop the skills to help you share your brilliance with a wide audience.
   
   
3. Beware of voids created by non-communication. A void will be quickly filled by rumors, misinterpretations, and grapevine musings. Take the initiative to share information. Be inspired by Seth Godin’s exhortation that “the less people know, the more they yell” and make sure that you communicate early and often.
   
   
4. Provide timely feedback. Consider voicing your opinions sooner. Providing critical feedback once a project is well underway can frustrate or de-motivate others on the team.
   
   
5. Learn the art of small talk. If this is not a preferred activity for you, consider that small talk is the oil that lubricates relationships and paves the way for more important discussions. For pointers on mastering this social ritual, read Guy Kawasaki’s article on The Art of Schmoozing II. Just as being in the presence of an overly gregarious extravert may make an introvert feel uncomfortable, so sharing space with an individual who appears impassive may make an extraverted person feel ill at ease.
   
   
6. Share some personal information with a greater number of people. This helps more people know you better and increases the level of trust. Transparency strengthens our connections to others.
   
   

The second part of my exercise with managers in the team building workshop entailed asking both groups to tell each other what was one thing they liked about the opposite group. The extraverts said to the introverts that they appreciated their calming presence and influence on others and their ability to reflect deeply on issues; the introverts said that they appreciated the extraverts’ facility with social skills and their ability to think on their feet. Indeed, there are many gifts that each group brings to the table. Introverts and extraverts form a beautiful palette of diversity if we are willing to capitalize on each other’s strengths. And the quickest path to reach this is through emotionally-intelligent communication.

Copyright © 2010 Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved.

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Article Tags: Bruna Martinuzzi, communication style, communicationextraverts, extroverted, improving communication, introverted, introverts, MyersBriggs, preference



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