The Criticism Sandwich: A Stale Idea

Mark Twain is quoted as having said that “sacred cows make the best hamburger.” One such sacred cow is “the criticism sandwich”—no pun intended. The criticism sandwich is the staple of Management 101 primers, advising us to lay on some praise before delivering any criticism and to complete the process by adding another layer of praise. Most of us intuitively know, from having been at the receiving end of what feels like faux praise, that this process almost never works. Now we have scientific proof of why this is a management orthodoxy that should be abandoned.

InThe Man Who Lied to His Laptop: What Machines Teach Us About Human Relationships,Clifford Nass, the Thomas M. Storke Professor at Stanford University, gives us a brilliant explanation of why this outdated management practice is not only ineffective, but actually does more harm than good. Our brains are continually evaluating things that happen to us as good or bad; we are wired to notice and respond to negative experiences, much more than positive ones, because this is what keeps us safe by readying us to react: “One fascinating side effect of the power of negativity is that you remember less of what is said before receiving criticism because negative remarks demand so much cognitive power that the brain cannot move the prior information into long-term memory.” In other words, when criticism follows praise, we immediately forget the praise, which requires less cognitive effort, and focus more strongly on the criticism which makes us remember it better! In this briefvideo clip,Professor Nass discusses some of his findings.

Rather than bracketing the negative feedback with positive comments, Dr. Nass advises us to start with a few, brief, negative remarks and then follow them with a long list of positive ones. The emphasis here is on “long” as positive feedback is less memorable and easily discounted when accompanied by criticism. As well, because criticism puts us in a state of alert, we are better able to listen to the praise that follows: “The criticism will bring people to attention in time to listen to the praise.” Another prescription is to always accompany the criticism with clearly-defined steps for improvement, and giving people time to process the remarks and respond when they are ready.

It ultimately comes down to authenticity and not a point-and-click technique. If you are a leader, do your people trust that you are there to help them and not hinder them, and that there is no hidden agenda. This is the foundation of authenticity which earns us the right to approach others with constructive criticism that is more likely to be received as a genuine desire to help the person, and in so doing, the team and the organization.

Here are some practical tips for taking the sting out of critical remarks:

1. Focus the conversation on the future rather than the past.Help your constituents spend their energies on what is ahead. A popular and highly effective technique is theFeed Forward Tool,developed by Dr. Marshall Goldsmith, who is considered one of the world’s leading executive educators and coaches. This entails giving people advice on what they can do moving forward, rather than focusing on the mistakes of the past. Here is a briefvideo clipof Dr. Marshall explaining the concept as well as avideo-taped training sessionhe delivered at Google.
   
   
2. Replace the long diatribe with a dialogue.Brevity is a particular virtue whenever we address shortcomings in someone’s performance. Don’t go into the meeting with a mindset that you will fix the person. Rather, like a good physician, consider asking questions first, to diagnose the problem, before you prescribe the solution. You could be surprised by background information you didn’t know that might alter how you perceive the issue. You may have been running a black and white movie in your mind that is different from the Technicolor one that is actually playing. Even if nothing new emerges, this is another opportunity to control your impulses and practice leadership acumen.
   
   
3. Let silence do the heavy lifting.This beautiful phrase was coined by Susan Scott, author ofAchieving Success at Work & in Life, One Conversation at a Time.It’s the kind restful silence—the space between the thoughts—that allows the person to reflect and gather deeper insights. If nothing else, this generates an air of calm which is more conducive to a productive outcome for the conversation.
   
   
4. Use the conversation as an opportunity to grow the relationship.Before closing the door to start the meeting, ask yourself how you can conduct this meeting in a way that will actually strengthen rather than fracture the relationship. How might you lighten up loaded language? What non-verbal language do you need to watch for in yourself? Subtle shifts like maintaining an open body posture, keeping eye contact, nodding while the person is talking, and keeping a calm demeanor create a safe environment. What might you offer as support? What small concessions can you make to turn this into a relationship tango rather than a solo performance? If emotions run high, at some point in the process, can you show empathy by listening, without interruption, and allowing the person the space to tell their story?
   
   
5. Help the person save face.Be vigilant to preserve a person’s sense of dignity. David Rock, (whose brilliant book on brain science I mentioned in aprevious article,) said that just hearing “Can I give you some advice?” causes a defensive alert signal in our brain, because we view the person offering the advice as claiming superiority. “It is the cortisol equivalent of hearing footsteps in the dark.” This has the effect of decreasing our status—and any sense that our status is diminished can feel like our life is in danger. Be mindful of this and don’t let them walk out of the room with a scuff on their self-esteem. There is an anonymous quote that says: “The best way to save face is to keep the bottom half shut.” What parts can you safely afford to leave unsaid in order to preserve the person’s dignity?
   
   
6. Use the salami-method when you establish goals for others.At the start of any project, take the time to divide the long-term, bigger goals into small, intermediate slices to prevent people from becoming discouraged. Let people know how they are doing after each intermediate step is completed. This injects the same positive energy in people as a coach giving immediate feedback to players on the field, during the game. Most importantly, it reduces the need to confront people with a laundry list of “improvements” during the dreaded review time.
   
   
7. Give praise en route.Don’t withhold praise because you are too busy. Because so few of us take the time to sincerely praise good work, we need to be reminded of this powerful tool at our disposal. Genuinely providing positive comments earns you points in your people’s spiritual bank account which can offset some of the cost of delivering remedial remarks, when needed.
   
   

There are times, when our need to be liked may lead us to keep constructive remarks bottled up. We lie awake at night, fully knowing that they need to be aired. “Trying to get everyone to like you,” said Colin Powell, “is a sign of mediocrity” as a leader. It will result in our avoiding tough decisions and postponing the difficult conversation that needs to take place for the employee’s good, and for the overall good of the team and the organization. It’s about responsibility as a leader. Rather than avoiding this leadership responsibility, we need to develop the skill to do it with no collateral damage to the relationship.

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