Letting go of our rule books
© Ian Berry 2009. All rights
Of recent times I have done some great personal development sessions with one of my mentors.
In one session my mentor asked me if I was willing to give up my rule book? I was, however, I found it very hard to do!
There are rules in society that are there primarily to protect us and fellow beings from ourselves and each other. Otherwise there would be so much chaos we would probably cease to exist.
We have our own rules as well however.
My rule book used to say:
- Nobody should give bad service so I should tell people off when they do
- If something is wrong I’d better fix it before it gets worse
- Before this or that gets off the rails I should say something to help (and I used to say it)
- I should be appreciated more often
- People don’t deserve to be treated poorly and if I don’t do anything about it nobody will
- People who don’t to reply to emails should be sanctioned
My mentor pointed out to me that my rules are often fantasy or completely irrelevant or unknown for others.
I spent a lot of time and energy thinking about this and agree with my mentor. I have thrown out my rule book.
I have learnt that what is, is. I am learning that the more I accept this and not try to control things, judge others, or make things better, which is what my rule book used to be all about, I am much more peaceful, powerful, inspirational, and many times more effective.
Instead of my rules I now focus on rules of engagement when the possibility of collaborating or engaging with others presents itself. The best rules of engagement are those we have agreed to work with, which means building a relationship with others really matters before we can properly engage.
There are three worlds. The one in here is my world. The one out there is your world. Neither matter as much as the third which is our world, the world we share.
Have you got your own rule book?
Maybe if you discarded it your life would be better. I can’t comment. What you do is none of my business.
Be the difference you want to see in your world.
Founder Differencemakers Community