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How to Deal With Emotional Employees

Guest post by: Peter J Karlsson

Article Overview: - Published in 'Engaging the 80's generation' - CONCHIUS 1 June, 2010. Many managers in China are concerned with the 80’s generation lack of self-control, often describing them as “too emotional” and not treating each other with respect. One of the main reasons for this is that being from the single-child generation; the 80’s generation have little experience handling emotions and set-backs. Employees who become very emotional will often bring out emotional responses from their managers. Being a successful manager, you must be able to control these situations when they occur. There are 3 basic rules for handling difficult people in general: 1. Be assertive 2. Keep calm, and 3. Use non-confrontational feedback

How to Deal With Emotional Employees

- Published in 'Engaging the 80's generation' - CONCHIUS 1 June, 2010

Many managers in China are concerned with the 80's generation lack of self-control, often describing them as "too emotional" and not treating each other with respect. One of the main reasons for this is that being from the single-child generation; the 80's generation have little experience handling emotions and set-backs. Employees who become very emotional will often bring out emotional responses from their managers. Being a successful manager, you must be able to control these situations when they occur.

There are 3 basic rules for handling difficult people in general:

1. Be assertive

2. Keep calm, and

3. Use non-confrontational feedback

To address the specific challenge presented when managing the 80's generation, we want to high-light three tricky behaviors that are more common than others. So, what are these behaviors?

The key ones, which we are sure you will recognize, are:

1. Anger

2. Silence, and

3. Emotional blackmail

To not make this article too long, I will only talk about the first one - Anger.

Anger can be divided into two types, justified anger and tactical anger. Some people are justified in getting angry - we all are from time to time. Others get angry frequently in order to make you do things their way. The way you handle these two types is very different, so let's look at this separately.

Justified anger.

Most of us have to deal with other people's anger occasionally. Maybe there has been a misunderstanding; maybe the system is unreasonable or something happened that is plain wrong. Anger however is rarely the best way for anyone to get what they want.

The question is: how do we handle it and solve the situation as quick as possible?

Find out what they want. When people get angry for a good reason, it usually is because they do not get the response they want without getting angry. They feel they are not being listened to. So, the first thing to do is to listen to what they have to say. Hear them out and they will begin to calm down.

Empathize with the person. You may not be able to give them what they want but you can still show empathy. Phrases like ‘I can see that this must be frustrating for you' or ‘No wonder you are feeling angry about it' will show that you understand and care for the situation at hand.

Do not justify your actions. If you try to justify your actions you may end up sounding like you are making excuses or are more interested in your side of the matter than to resolve the situation fairly. Stick to the facts and focus on talking about possible solutions instead.

Angry persons want results. You will need to agree on a solution. Agree on what the next step should be and when this is going to be finished. Give options to choose from if possible, this gives a feeling of control which helps the angry person to feel better again.

Tactical anger.

People who lose their temper in order to intimidate you, or simply as a way to get what they want, cannot be accepted. The worst thing you can do is to let them get away with it. If it works, they will keep doing it to you, and everyone else. Being assertive and practice non-confrontational feedback is useful when handling people like this. Some things you should do when you think someone is using tactical anger are:

Do not allow unjustified anger. Be assertive and say something like, ‘I do not like being shouted at and I shall leave if you do not calm down' or ‘If you cannot calm down now, I suggest that we meet later and discuss this matter calmly together'.

Leave the scene. If the person still does not calm down, you will have to leave. Say something in line of, ‘I'll talk to you when you have calmed down' or ‘Excuse me' and just leave the room.

Be consistent. Continue this response every time they get angry, until they learn how to talk with you rationally and reasonably.

- Peter J Karlsson

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Article Tags: 80s, calm, china, emotional responses, emotions, handling difficult people, selfcontrol, setbacks



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