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Impact and Influence in Action – Being Nice Doesn’t Mean You’re Not Working

Guest post by: Clive Hook

Article Overview: When working with other people I am more self-contained than interactive and my focus in decision making is more about logic than feelings. This means I’m not naturally great at small talk and some of that “getting to know you” stuff. However, I recognise that it is not enough to just start negotiating or presenting. Engagement and getting their attention is all part of creating the right impression, having a positive personal impact and being more influential. That age old “no second chance to make a good first impression” is more or less true. You can do a repair job later but it’s much much better to get it right first time. In the Hale Circle of Influence™ this element is known as Pleasantries.

Impact and Influence in Action – Being Nice Doesn’t Mean You’re Not Working

Hale’s Circle of Influence™ helps me enormously when preparing for important conversations and negotiations. What I like about is it that it’s not prescriptive and formulaic but it’s a map that helps me think through what I’m going to do or what I haven’t thought about yet. Although presented as a series of steps it allows for the flexibility of moving to different places on the map as the situation demands.

When working with other people I am more self-contained than interactive and my focus in decision making is more about logic than feelings. This means I’m not naturally great at small talk and some of that “getting to know you” stuff.

However, I recognise that it is not enough to just start negotiating or presenting. Engagement and getting their attention is all part of creating the right impression, having a positive personal impact and being more influential.

That age old “no second chance to make a good first impression” is more or less true. You can do a repair job later but it’s much much better to get it right first time. In the HaleCircle of Influence™this element is known as Pleasantries.

Pleasantries – There are many cultural variations in this area that are too numerous to fully describe in this article – but your biggest clue is how others behave. At least one nation on one side of the Atlantic is renowned for going in with a very focused business agenda and a “let’s get to the point” attitude. Great when playing in your home country but others have very different expectations. Do what you do before you cross the railway line – Stop, Look and Listen – or it could be a disaster very quickly.

The key is to match the mood and pace of the important people in the room. If they’re into back slapping, hand shaking and volume then get warmed up. This may not be “the real you” but it’s time to fit in not make a statement about what you’re like – that can come later. Be careful though – if this is like you this doesn’t mean going into broadcast mode. What you must always be doing is collecting information and data so that you can make the right impact, influence effectively and get their buy in.

Some people are concerned when I offer this advice and say things like “But I’m not being genuine” or “I want to be the real me”. My response is that “the real you” includes some aspects you use occasionally but are not your preferred way of operating. You can do them but you choose not to most of the time.

The key to this phase being useful is your balance between questioning and speaking. This is not the time for you tell your life story. Listening does not mean waiting for a chance to speak. Keep your senses open for learning and notice how people like to talk, describe things and do their thinking – you’ll need that knowledge later.

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Article Tags: influencing skills, influencing skills training, negotiation skills, negotiation skills training



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