Most of us who live in Chicago share a commonality: We or someone we live with or paid to do so changed our furnace filters several times during the past months. We did it to ensure that we breathe clean air, and dust doesn’t collect nearly as quickly on our belongings.
As a communication skills speaker, trainer and author, I ask you on a similar note: “When is the last time you changed your personal filter?” Some of us, I dare say, have so much guck in ours that we can barely hear, much less listen!
Good communication occurs only when others receive our message in the manner in which we intended it to be. Responsibility rests with both parties. Let’s look at how we as “hearers” can block the process.
Listening is a six-step hierarchical process: sensing, interpreting, evaluating, understanding, responding, remembering. It’s the second step where our “dust” comes into play.
To understand this step better, think of yourself as having a giant filtering system. Everything you hear passes through that system, which is made up of your needs, values, beliefs, knowledge, attitudes and experiences. Since each of us brings different ones to the listening process, each of us innately has different reactions to what the speaker says.
Each of us also has our own “stuff” that dirties our filters: prejudices, pre-judgments, lack of interest, envy, jealousy, anger, revenge, hatred, the need to be right and our own special “grime.” Can you see how hard it can become for anyone to get through clearly and how communication failures happen at work and at home?
To make matters worse, our filtering system is responsible for another major communication challenge: Words have no meaning. People give meaning to words. For example, the word “alcoholic” has a very different resonance for those who have lived with one. The same is true for the word “work alcoholic.” “Discrimination” has a different emotional response for women and minorities who have experienced it in the workplace.
In my workshops I often ask people to list words they use in business that might be interpreted differently or be offensive to employees or customers. Most begin with hesitancy since they haven’t been asked to do this before. Once started, they reel off words quickly.
One of my participants, a software trainer, recalled how the first thing he said to his class was that today he would be used the bible of software training, i.e., they were getting the best. One of his students immediately responded with, “I know of only one Bible, and it doesn’t teach me about software.” It took him a while to recover from that initial “slap in the face.” He never used bible in that context again.
On another level, I also give participants a chance to share words others use that offend them.
Take a minute and compile your lists. You have control over the first; stop using those words. You also have the right to share with others when they use words that offend you.
Awareness precedes change. Are you ready to start cleaning your filter? Follow these suggestions to help reduce conflict, improve communication and strengthen your relationships.
1. List your prejudices and face them head on. Are they based on race, gender, religion, age, status or educational background (add your own)?
2. Form your opinion in the moment. Don’t prejudge situations, presenters, your co-workers or parents’ or children’s reactions, a book before you have read it, the taste of food before you have eaten it (add your own).
3. Help yourself. Read books and magazines, attend seminars, listen to CDs, watch select TV programs to help you grow personally and professionally.
4. Ask for feedback. Have the confidence to inquire how you are perceived.
5. Stop conversations that are going down the wrong track and ask, “Why”? Solve the challenges on the spot rather than parting confused or even angry with the other person.
How Long Since You Cleaned Your Personal Filter? - To learn more about this author, visit Lillian D. Bjorseth's Website.
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Leanne Hoagland Smith
Are your sales where you want them to be? Will you be one of the few who achieves sales success or one of the many who have failed to change? So what are you doing to change those results? Let’s be honest, with companies moving globally and at lightening speeds, the traditional business solutions are outdated and dead. My approach moves your business out of its comfort zone and secures your competitive advantage now. If you are seeking to increase sales, build customer loyalty, create a culture of great attitudes or just achieve some sleep filled nights, then we should talk because my clients have experienced exactly those types of results. Learn more about customer loyalty at http://www.processspecialist.com/customer-loyalty.htm Give me a call at 219.759.5601 for a free strategy session. P.S. If you are seeking a motivational speaker, sales trainer or small business expert that will leave your audience smiling and remembering, please feel free to contact me at 219.759.5601. - Visit Leanne Hoagland Smith's Website |
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Lillian D. Bjorseth
(Visit Lillian's Website)
Lillian Bjorseth helps you build a new
kind of wealth - social capital - by
improving your networking and
communication skills. She's a speaker,
trainer, coach and author who has
benefitted tens of thousands of people
nationwide through her customized people
skills programs. Lillian believes that
networking and good communication are the
21st century tools to build relationships
that help increase sales and enhance
careers. She urges large companies to
embrace the concepts that small business
has long used successfully. Her zest to
have colleges and universities teach these
skills has led her to develop one of the
first online in-depth
relationship-building series. She's author
of "Breakthrough Networking: Building
Relationships That Last", "52 Ways to
Break the Ice & Target Your Market",
andthe "Nothing Happens Until We
Communicate" CD/workbook series. She's a
contributing author to "Masters of
Networking"
and co-presenter of the "Marketing Boot
Camp" DVD/workbook.
Lillian was among the first in the world
to become a certified DISC trainer. She
was named a Great Woman of the 21st
Century.
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