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Is Listening a Lost Art?

Guest post by: Lillian D. Bjorseth

Article Overview: When you are engaged in a face-to-face conversation, you need to be as aware of the other person’s handshake, facial expressions, eye contact, gestures, posture and use of space as you are of her/his words.

Is Listening a Lost Art?



"What?" you may ask. Listening is the most important human relations skill. You tell others how much you care by how well you listen. Why wouldn't everyone try to do it well? That's why I am raising the question. I find myself in far too many situations where there are more senders than receivers, in communication parlance.

If you rearrange the letters in "listen," you get "silent." Being quiet when someone else speaks is only the first step. You could be daydreaming about your recent golf score, preparing your dinner menu or thinking about how to get out of the conversation.

Secondly, you need to be present in the moment, paying attention to what is being said with your eyes and ears. The adage says, "God gave you two ears and one mouth so you can listen twice as much as you speak."

My version is "God gave you two ears, two eyes and one mouth so you can listen four times as much as you speak."

When you are engaged in a face-to-face conversation, you need to be as aware of the other person's handshake, facial expressions, eye contact, gestures, posture and use of space as you are of her/his words. Most times, the former "speak" much more loudly that the words.

On the telephone, you need to pay particular attention to the manner in which the words are delivered. The tonality becomes your guide to the all-important nonverbal part of the conversation.

Thirdly, you need to listen to understand as though you were in the sender's shoes. Pay attention to what is actually be said rather than what you think "should" be said. When you see the world through others' eyes and identify with why they think as they do, you will have taken your listening skills to the next level. This also will enable you to listen non-judgmentally. People ask for your advice if they want it.

Fourthly, eliminate distractions.

• At work, come out from behind your power desk (and the work lying on it) and sit along side the person. Consider a conference room if you want a neutral "listening" site.

• At home, turn off the radio or television, put down the phone, close the newspaper and look at the other person. Turn from the sink and look at your children when they want to have those all-important end-of-day conversations. They will benefit much more than the carrots you are grating.

Ponder this advice my bartender friend gives new hires:

"Listen to your customers. Listen! It's the quickest way to establish loyalty. They want you to know much more about them then they want to know about you. That's why they come here."

What do your customers, employees, family and friends want to share with you? You have the answers ... when you listen!

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Article Tags: communication skills, Listening, relationship skills, the art of listening



Related Forum Posts
Re: How do I find a direct mail list of potential customers - Hi WhyNot, Is it possible there are websites about the Federal Government. It needs to delve into it to find the key person. Listening for once to the news could pinpoint who is really in charge of this department. I wish you wisdom to connect with the right people. Nothing is too difficult, if you put your mind to it. Maybe some one else has a supportive idea.
Re: How to Get Over Your Fear of Failure, Make Every Second Coun - Hi Evan, I've just been listening to a couple of your MTM videos while packing parcels. I especially enjoyed this one on JKR. Listening to stuff like this while packing orders is one of my better ways of "making every second count!"
Ideas on Using Twitter for Business - 1. Build an account and immediate start using Twitter Search to listen for your name, your competitor's names, words that relate to your space. (Listening always comes first.) 2. Add a picture. ( Shel reminds us of this.) We want to see you. 3. Talk to people about THEIR interests, too. I know this doesn't sell more widgets, but it shows us you are human. 4. Point out interesting things in your space, not just about you. 5. Share links to neat things in your community. ( wholefoods does this well). 6. Don't get stuck in the apology loop. Be helpful instead. ( jetblue gives travel tips.) 7. Be wary of always pimping your stuff. Your fans will love it. Others will tune out. 8. Promote your employees outside-of-work stories. ( TheHomeDepot does it well.) 9. Throw in a few humans, like RichardAtDELL, LionelAtDELL, etc. 10. Talk about non-business,
Re: Franchise Surveys - Great, hope you have taken the time to read my earlier post in this same thread. Before I forget, go for a franchise that involves something of interest to you, and don't just rely on the offered prospectus ROI numbers Listening and sharing are great concepts and should be part of your due diligence, but qualify the source of the information that you are receiving, I would add Observation and become a customer and see first hand the operations and management of the franchise I would also try some not so obvious exit surveys of the customers, satisfaction with the food, service, accommodations, cleanliness, toilets, etc. Related such to the type of franchise you are considering Survey more than one location What is the competition, traffic count, etc Franchises are great for some that do not have a plan of their own. Remember it is their plan, and most will not let you sway from their success model. For me, I would prefer to reinvent the plan and do it my way
Re: Ideas on Using Twitter for Business - [quote="evieparsons":2o69rd2a]1. Build an account and immediate start using Twitter Search to listen for your name, your competitor's names, words that relate to your space. (Listening always comes first.) 2. Add a picture. ( Shel reminds us of this.) We want to see you. 3. Talk to people about THEIR interests, too. I know this doesn't sell more widgets, but it shows us you are human. 4. Point out interesting things in your space, not just about you. 5. Share links to neat things in your community. ( wholefoods does this well). 6. Don't get stuck in the apology loop. Be helpful instead. ( jetblue gives travel tips.) 7. Be wary of always pimping your stuff. Your fans will love it. Others will tune out. 8. Promote your employees outside-of-work stories. ( TheHomeDepot does it well.) 9. Throw in a few humans, like RichardAtDELL, LionelAtDELL, etc. 10. Talk about non-business,[/quote:2o69rd2a] Hey thanks for these tips. Basically, help others in your market out and build relationships with people. Be someone who gives, not takes. I'll keep them in mind if I go back to social media marketing. I'm currently in the SEO phase of my business.


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