How to Get What You Want - Part 2
How to Get What You Want - Part 2
“What are the benefits of NOT achieving this?”
Of course, they protested that there was no good reason not to achieve their goal, and that there were no benefits of things staying as they were. But I pressed the point, & they started to find benefits:
- They didn’t have to prioritise
- They weren’t held accountable
- They could moan about how disorganised things were
- In a funny way, it was comfortable & familiar
These were all ‘hidden benefits’ that they would have to find other ways to get if they were to achieve their goal.
There are always hidden benefits
In almost any situation, there will be hidden benefits. If these benefits are uncovered, you can find other ways to satisfy them and achieve your goals more easily. However, if you are not aware of the hidden benefits of a situation, it can make it more of a struggle to change. So, with regard to a current goal you wish to achieve or change you wish to make…
1) Ask yourself “What are the benefits of NOT achieving this?” & pay attention to your answers.
You can look for other hidden benefits by asking “What are the benefits of the current situation?” The answers to these questions may seem strange or even a bit embarrassing, but once you’ve identified them, you can begin to find new ways to deliver the benefits as you achieve your goal.
Every benefit addresses a need or want
A benefit is only a benefit if it addresses a need or want, so the next step is to identify the needs or wants that the hidden benefit is addressing.
2) Ask “What is the need or want that this benefit is satisfying?”
Anthony Robbins talks about six basic human needs, so if you’re having trouble identifying the need or want, check this list for inspiration. Robbins’ six are paraphrased as follows:
- Love & connection to other people
- Contribution to something bigger (family, community etc)
- Predictability, familiarity & security
- Unpredictability & surprise
- Growth & learning
- A sense of importance
Every behaviour has a positive intention
One of the basic presuppositions of NLP is that every behaviour has a positive intention (nb. The presuppositions of NLP are not true, but if you act as though they’re true in certain situations, you can get fantastic results.) It can be liberating to realise that there has been a positive intention behind something you have been coding as ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’. Once you know which needs or wants you’ve been satisfying, you can dream up some alternatives to find even better ways to feel satisfied in the future.
3) Ask “How can I get this benefit while I’m achieving my goal?”
Use your imagination – there’s always another way of meeting your wants and needs. The great news is, you’ll often come up with ways of getting far bigger benefits than the ones you currently have.
The power of familiarity
Sometimes people will be adamant that there is no benefit in the current situation. If this happens, check how long things have been as they are. If it’s more than a few weeks, then it will have been familiar. If things have been like this for years, it will have been VERY familiar! Human beings have a deeply coded need for familiarity, so track down a new way of providing consistency & familiarity (eg. a daily practice like meditating, exercise, reading etc.) This can provide a base of stability in a changing situation.
How to Get What You Want Part 2 - To learn more about this author, visit Jamie Smart's Website.
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I was once working with a team who had been without a leader for some time, and were continually ‘fighting fires’. Their newly appointed leader wanted help bringing the team together around a shared goal, with a more proactive approach. We spent some time exploring the ‘What do you want? / How will you know?’ questions, and established a goal for the team that they seemed genuinely excited about. Then I asked them an unusual question,
“What are the benefits of NOT achieving this?”
Of course, they protested that there was no good reason not to achieve their goal, and that there were no benefits of things staying as they were. But I pressed the point, & they started to find benefits:
- They didn’t have to prioritise
- They weren’t held accountable
- They could moan about how disorganised things were
- In a funny way, it was comfortable & familiar
These were all ‘hidden benefits’ that they would have to find other ways to get if they were to achieve their goal.
There are always hidden benefits
In almost any situation, there will be hidden benefits. If these benefits are uncovered, you can find other ways to satisfy them and achieve your goals more easily. However, if you are not aware of the hidden benefits of a situation, it can make it more of a struggle to change. So, with regard to a current goal you wish to achieve or change you wish to make…
1) Ask yourself “What are the benefits of NOT achieving this?” & pay attention to your answers.
You can look for other hidden benefits by asking “What are the benefits of the current situation?” The answers to these questions may seem strange or even a bit embarrassing, but once you’ve identified them, you can begin to find new ways to deliver the benefits as you achieve your goal.
Every benefit addresses a need or want
A benefit is only a benefit if it addresses a need or want, so the next step is to identify the needs or wants that the hidden benefit is addressing.
2) Ask “What is the need or want that this benefit is satisfying?”
Anthony Robbins talks about six basic human needs, so if you’re having trouble identifying the need or want, check this list for inspiration. Robbins’ six are paraphrased as follows:
- Love & connection to other people
- Contribution to something bigger (family, community etc)
- Predictability, familiarity & security
- Unpredictability & surprise
- Growth & learning
- A sense of importance
Every behaviour has a positive intention
One of the basic presuppositions of NLP is that every behaviour has a positive intention (nb. The presuppositions of NLP are not true, but if you act as though they’re true in certain situations, you can get fantastic results.) It can be liberating to realise that there has been a positive intention behind something you have been coding as ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’. Once you know which needs or wants you’ve been satisfying, you can dream up some alternatives to find even better ways to feel satisfied in the future.
3) Ask “How can I get this benefit while I’m achieving my goal?”
Use your imagination – there’s always another way of meeting your wants and needs. The great news is, you’ll often come up with ways of getting far bigger benefits than the ones you currently have.
The power of familiarity
Sometimes people will be adamant that there is no benefit in the current situation. If this happens, check how long things have been as they are. If it’s more than a few weeks, then it will have been familiar. If things have been like this for years, it will have been VERY familiar! Human beings have a deeply coded need for familiarity, so track down a new way of providing consistency & familiarity (eg. a daily practice like meditating, exercise, reading etc.) This can provide a base of stability in a changing situation.
How to Get What You Want Part 2 - To learn more about this author, visit Jamie Smart's Website.
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 Jamie Smart (Visit Jamie's Website) Jamie Smart is one of the UK’s finest Neuro-Linguistic Programming trainers, and MD of Salad. Salad is an NLP Training company and one of the world’s leading source of products for developing NLP skills. He believes that people are capable of far more than they think they are, and that changing your beliefs and attitudes is the fastest way to move towards the success and fulfillment you desire. Jamie is passionate about people, happiness and language, and is the creator of Ericksonian Hypnosis Cards, NLP Coaching Cards, and Irresistible Influence Cards, the fastest way there is to learn the language of NLP. His weekly NLP Tips newsletter is read by over 15,000 coaches, managers, therapists and personal development enthusiasts worldwide. Salad offers a wide range of materials for learning NLP, Persuasion & Influence, Hypnosis, and Happiness. Consumers of these products range from those in business and enterprise, to consultants, entrepreneurs, life coaches and the full spectrum of people looking to unlock the power of NLP in their lives. The fast growing range of Salad products, includes books, programmes, CD, games etc.
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