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The Do's and Dont's of Influencing Others

Guest post by: Dave Ferguson

Article Overview: Different forms of influencing Others.

The Do's and Dont's of Influencing Others

A Coach can teach you the Do's and Don'ts of Influencing Others

We are all influenced by many things, but mostly by other people. In some form, influence is what we all do, every day, in every conversation, meeting, or action. Many forms of influence are seen as controlling and manipulative, while other forms can be seen as positive, appreciative, and encouraging. Some forms of influence are just better than others. As coaches, we work with our clients on the secrets of influencing others for mutual benefit and more importantly, to create a win-win relationship.

Recently we began coaching a client who had moved his existing business from the North and was looking to make a big push here in the South. By the time our client retained our services; he was already throwing money around and boasting, trying to "Buy Friends and Impress People" rather than "Win Friends and Influence People". There are some critical "best-practices" that we teach everyone around influence but we reserve some special techniques for our friends moving down from the North. Being a Yankee myself (actually a Damm Yankee now, they tell me), I have some real-life experience with transitioning into the South, that I get to share, from time to time. This was one of those times. By the time we engaged this client, he had almost spent his way into Bankruptcy and many of the people he interacted with were turned off by his "always talking about money and things he was buying" style. This is just one example of the wrong kind of influence to use. There are also many examples of how to influence in a positive manner. Once such example is from another client we recently worked with. This individual leads with such strong leadership skills and has set a great example for all his employees. In addition, he is also well respected in the community for the time and energy he gives back to the community. He is a true leader and I applaud him.

Our methodology teaches fundamental techniques when interacting with people, that when adopted, can make a huge difference in how your influence is directed and received. Here are just a few of them:

• Don't brag, boast, or exaggerate.
• Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
• Don't set out to impress, be yourself.
• Do make sure you give honest feedback when asked and always show sincere appreciation for others.
• If you want people to like you, be genuinely interested in them.
• Always encourage others to talk about themselves and be a good listener.
• Sincerely make others feel important. It's not all about you!
• Relate to others by talking in terms of their interests.
• Avoid arguments
• If you are wrong, admit it and never tell another person they are wrong.
• Use the 70/30 rule of listening/talking. You listen to others 70% of the time and talk 30% of the time.
• Be sympathetic.

If you are in a leadership role, your job often includes changing people's attitudes and behaviors. This can create some delicate situations and we suggest these best practices to do accomplish it smoothly:

• Always begin with praise and appreciation. Find something they are doing right!
• Ask questions before you start giving orders.
• Praise improvements
• Make sure you are leading with a good reputation.
• Encourage your team.
• Find a way to make others happy to do what you suggest.
• Be willing to take the time to educate and show people how you came about your decisions

There are ways to handle people, many ways to make people like you, many ways to win people to your way of thinking, and many ways to change people without being offensive. The tips we have shared with you today are essential for the business owner, manager, executive, or self-employed professional looking to shape their influential path. Use them wisely, my friends!

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  Behavioural Intelligence, Impact and Influence in Negotiation – The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of Participation and Trust
  The Art of Influencing and Empowering Others

Article Tags: bankruptcy, best practices, coach, influencing others, leadership skills, life experience, many things, mutual benefit, nbsp, one of those times, relationship, talking about money, transitioning, yankee



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